


Raindrops

by The_Dream_Team



Series: The Snowflakes Series [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amnesia, Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Frenemies, Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Humor, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Memory Loss, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sequel, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Dream_Team/pseuds/The_Dream_Team
Summary: After what she believed was an uneventful Summer break, Lily is excited to get back to school for her sixth year at Hogwarts. Severus Snape is out of her hair, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has a secret assignment for her and her fellow Prefects, and not even James Potter's shameless flirting could break her spirits.Except James Potter isn't shamelessly flirting with her... and it's seriously throwing Lily for a loop.Now Lily's thoughts are preoccupied with more questions than answers. Why is Sirius Black so curious about her Summer holiday? When did the ever-confident James Potter start blushing so much? And why does Lily's chest tighten and her mind go blank every time someone mentions hot chocolate?This is a sequel to Snowflakes, but can *technically* be read as a stand-alone :)
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: The Snowflakes Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048540
Comments: 56
Kudos: 47





	1. The New School Year

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> If you had told me- even a couple months ago- that I was going to start writing a sequel story to the fanfiction I wrote back in 2009, I would have said you were out of your mind. But quarantine has been a wild time, so here we are. 
> 
> If you happen to be a part of Snowflake's original reader base from MuggleNet Fanfiction... welcome back! If you're new here, as I'm sure most of you are, I would recommend going back and reading Snowflakes first to get the most out of Raindrops. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks again and I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Flickering candlelight warmed Lily Evans’ cheeks as she stared off into the distance. Her eyes were transfixed, but even _she_ didn’t know what she was looking at. The laughter and chatter of her classmates around her dimmed to a muffle and the sweet smell of rich chocolate, that once filled the air, had faded away. Was she in a dream? 

A hand reached out and grabbed Lily’s shoulder, shocking her into focus. The Great Hall came flooding back into reality, and as Lily’s eyes readjusted to her surroundings, it became clear what she had been staring at. 

James Potter was at the receiving end of her gaze and his eyes met hers with a fiery look that instantly made Lily’s face hot. 

“ _Lily_ ,” whispered the girl who’s hand was still clutching her shoulder. “ _Lily, you’re starting to freak me out._ ”

Marlene McKinnon, a blonde girl with rosy cheeks and not a hair out of place, looked at Lily with wide, concerned eyes. 

“Sorry, I think I just drifted off for a second there,” said Lily. 

“I asked if you wanted some hot chocolate and you totally disappeared on me, Lily. Are you sure you’re okay?” Marlene’s eyes darted between Lily and James Potter, who was still looking in their direction. “What’s up with Potter?” she asked. “He’s been ogling at you all night, way more than usual…”

Lily couldn’t pretend like she hadn’t noticed Potter looking her way ever since she picked Remus up from the boy’s compartment on the Hogwarts Express that morning. But that wasn’t anything new. 

Her mind raced back to the year before when Severus had stammered out, _“I just don’t want to see you made a fool of-- He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!”_

The whole school, and probably half the staff, knew about Potter’s crush. He wasn’t subtle, asking her out in crowded corridors, during Quidditch matches, and once while Lily deducted house points after she caught him trying to sneak out of the castle one night. But hearing Severus say it made her feel strange, almost guilty. 

Lily had no interest in James Potter. He was talented and admittedly charming but he _knew_ it. Potter and his mates, self-nicknamed _The Marauders_ , basically ran the school as if it were built for them. The four of them, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin, were annoyingly bright, but used their skills to hex Slytherins on a daily basis. And having Severus Snape as a best friend inadvertently landed Lily on the wrong side of those pranks more often than not. 

Lily blinked hard and shook her head. _Severus and I are not best friends anymore_ , she reminded herself. She stole a glance at the Slytherin table across the hall and immediately spotted Severus deep in conversation with another sixth year, Mulciber. Her heart ached at the sight of the boy she used to spend every summer with. The boy who understood magic in a way none of her muggle friends or family could. Back home, her parents loved her, but there was a divide between them ever since Lily left for Hogwarts. This was the first summer she hadn’t seen Severus at all and looking back, the last few months felt empty. 

But Severus wasn’t the same little boy Lily had met at the park all those years ago. The same boy who once told her that being Muggle-born didn’t make a difference in the wizarding world. At some point, that little boy changed his mind.

Lily turned back to Marlene, who had continued studying Potter with her brow furrowed. He had apparently followed Lily’s gaze to the Slytherin table and when he looked back at her, his expression was so full of betrayal, Lily almost laughed.

“Merlin, he’s so dramatic,” Lily said to Marlene. The girls giggled and went back to their dessert.

As Lily turned to the custard on her plate, another pair of arms flung themselves around her shoulders.

“Oh Lily!” cried the fluttery voice of Mary McDonald as she shooed off some fourth years to make room on the bench next to her friends. “I didn’t see you on the train in, how was your summer?” 

“It was an extremely unexciting summer,” Lily responded, beaming at Mary. “I can barely remember leaving the house.” 

Mary, who was usually all smiles, suddenly frowned. “Did you not end up going on that ski trip with your Muggle friends?” she asked.

There was a sputtering sound followed by a clang and Lily turned to see Peter Pettigrew clapping a coughing James Potter on the back as Sirius Black attempted to clean up a puddle of pumpkin juice he had spilled all over his plate. She stared at the commotion happening down the table, but her mind was stuck on Mary’s question.

Ski trip. Ski trip? Lily wrapped her mind around why that was so familiar, when finally it hit her like a ton of bricks. 

“Oh, how could I forget?” Lily exclaimed. “You’re talking about that letter I got last year from my friend, Cassie, from back home, right?” 

Mary nodded eagerly and out of the corner of her eye, Lily swore she even saw James Potter lean forward, waiting for an answer. Why he was so concerned, she couldn’t say.

“I guess we never got around to making the trip happen,” Lily started. “I had totally pushed that out of my mind, actually… But how was _your_ summer? It had to be better than mine.”

As Mary spoke about her family’s holiday to Spain, Lily made a mental note to write to Cassie. It had been so long since she had spoken with her old friend from childhood, but Lily could hardly believe she hadn’t seen Cassie all summer. That surely would have been a nice relief from the long months with her parents and Petunia. 

Wax dripped down from the floating candlesticks as the enchanted ceiling’s clouds parted and revealed a shimmering, starry sky. A few first years audibly gasped at the view. Soon, yawns hopped around the great hall as the moon shone down, queuing Professor Dumbledore to rise and announce it was time for the students to find their pillows. 

A grin spread across Lily’s face and she bounced out of her seat. Leading the first-years to the Gryffindor Common Room for the first time was her favorite part of being a Prefect. Seeing the eleven-year-olds climb the moving staircases and navigate through the castle, their eyes wide while taking in their new home for the next seven years, made her heart flutter. 

It felt like another lifetime ago that Lily first arrived at Hogwarts. Being separated from Severus so early on had been nerve-wrecking, but the first time Lily walked into her Common Room, it was clear she had been placed where she belonged. She could still remember Diana Johnson, shaking her hand and smiling down as she introduced herself as the fifth-year prefect at the time. Lily would never forget her fears melting away as Diana winked at her and whispered, “You’re going to love it here.”

Someone nudged Lily’s shoulder and she turned to see a smiling Remus Lupin beside her. Of the four Gryffindor sixth-year boys, Remus was Lily’s favorite. No doubt he still had a mischievous Marauder glimmer in his eye, but with a quieter demeanor and a Prefect badge on his robes, Remus and Lily got along better than she ever would have expected. She smiled back at him and together they called for the first years to follow their lead to the Gryffindor Common Room.

“I know this may seem overwhelming,” Remus said to the wide-eyed first years as they approached the moving staircases, “but I promise only a handful of students have ever fallen through the vanishing step.” A wave of nervous laughter rippled through the new students, but Lily noticed a small frizzy haired girl with soft brown skin in the back of the group who looked as though she might be sick.

“Don’t listen to Lupin,” Lily responded with a warm chuckle. “It was just last year he got his own foot stuck in the vanishing step and if I recall, you were only half an hour late to Herbology, isn’t that right, Remus?” 

Remus tugged at his collar in mock embarrassment and the frizzy haired first year finally let out a giggle. 

“So,” continued Lily, “you lot have nothing to be worried about.”

The fifth year Prefects took over to explain the password for the Fat Lady Portrait, so Lily had a moment to observe the new group of students. She smiled at the frizzy haired girl, still hanging behind, her eyes now jetting back and forth between her shoes and Remus. In front of her stood a group of two girls and a boy, all with light brown wavy hair and freckles. Judging from their familiarity, Lily suspected they must be either siblings or cousins. Beside them were two girls on their tip-toes trying to get a better look at the portraits in the corridor and three boys with their wands out, wielding the wood like swords in battle. Lily smirked and rolled her eyes. 

“Definitely a crew of Gryffindors we have on our hands this year,” said Remus under his breath. 

“Hopefully they’re nothing like _your_ mates, or we’ll really have our hands full,” Lily said, shaking her head. 

The Fat Lady Portrait finally swung open and the pack of Gryffindors bound into the warm, circular room. 

“Alright first years,” shouted Lily over the excited chatter, “this is your Common Room area. Over here we have the bulletin board, where you’ll find any schoolwide notices or details for special events such as Quidditch matches or banquets. As you can see, there are plenty of sofas and chairs for relaxing or studying.”

“Sure, as long as none of you little goblins sit in the Marauder’s section!” barked the cool voice of Sirius Black. Lily spun around and shot daggers in his direction.

“I don’t recall you being mentioned in _Hogwarts A History_ on the building of the Gryffindor Tower, _Black_ ,” said Lily with venom on her tongue. “But if Godric Gryffindor himself reserved a golden throne for you and your little posse, then please feel free to enlighten me.”

Sirius Black, for the first time since Lily met him, had no response. He almost looked taken aback, which was strange because her insult was tamer than the ones she usually threw in his direction. She took his silence as a win, though, and brought her focus back to a flushed Remus, who shifted his weight uncomfortably under Lily’s attention. Without meeting her gaze, Remus moved to address the first years again.

“So, the boys dormitories are to the left, girls to the right,” said Remus. “You’ll find that all your belongings will be waiting for you at your four poster beds.”

As the first years scurried up their respective spiral staircases, Lily watched Remus shuffle over to join up with the rest of the Marauders, settling down in one of the armchairs that Black had publicly claimed. James Potter greeted Remus with a holler and wielded an imaginary cloth as he pretended to shine his friend’s Prefect badge. Potter’s eyes darted up to find Lily’s already looking at him and his hand immediately shot up to ruffle his untidy hair. She quickly sent a glare in his direction before turning on her heel and heading up to her own dormitory. 

_Stupid James Potter and his stupid messy hair,_ Lily thought as she stormed up the spiraling staircase. Images of Severus being hoisted into the air flashed across her mind, Potter’s stupid grin as he fished for her attention, soap bubbles pouring out of Sev’s mouth. The humiliation and pain rushing back as she remembered that awful word shouted by the boy she was trying to protect. It was Potter’s fault. Potter’s fault that Severus called her _Mudblood_ that day by the lake. 

_Don’t be daft,_ Lily scolded herself. _You know Severus never would have said that if he hadn’t secretly been thinking it already._

Lily reached the door leading to the sixth year girl’s dormitory and took a deep breath. Not wanting her mind to be occupied by James Potter and Severus Snape any longer, she decided that both boys could be horrible gits in their own rights and forced herself to move on. 

Marlene and Mary had already changed into their pajamas and were setting up an old radio across the cozy room. Elizabeth Wood and Danielle Hoffman, the two other Gryffindor girls in their year, were throwing out suggestions of their favorite stations to listen to while unpacking their own bags. 

“It’s so good to be back,” sighed Lily as she threw off her cloak and fell onto her four-poster. Within seconds, Mary joined her, laying perpendicularly across the bed. 

“How are the new batch of first years?” asked Mary. “They look absolutely pint-sized.”

“Small, but mighty,” Lily laughed. “I think they’ll be fine additions to the Gryffindor legacy.” 

There was a small but sure knock on the door and Lily sat upright.

“Come in!” she called, unsure of who their late-night visitor may be.

The door creaked open revealing the two freckled first year girls. Up close, Lily realized they were twins.

“Hey guys,” said Lily, “is there something I can help you with?”

“I’m Margret and this is Isabella,” said the first girl with confidence. “We wanted to let you know, there’s another first year, her name’s Olivia, and she’s having a difficult time adjusting.”

“We think she must be Muggle-born,” whispered Isabella from behind her sister.

“Yes, I think she must be a little overwhelmed,” continued Margret. “She left to be alone in the Common Room, but we thought you may want to have a chat with her.”

“Of course,” said Lily, standing to leave, “thank you for letting me know, you both can go back to bed. I’ll go find her.” She smiled at the twins as they hurried off back to their dorm. 

Lily hopped out of her bed and swiftly descended the staircase, thinking of how she was going to console the worried, lonely first year. But as she reached the last few steps, she heard multiple voices coming from the Common Room.

“The first couple days are hard for everyone, I promise,” said a boy. Lily instantly recognized Remus’ softer voice. He must have beat her down to help out.

“Yeah, my entire family’s been in Gryffindor going back generations, but if you think that gave me any advantages in Potions, you’d be dead wrong,” laughed another kind-sounding boy Lily barely recognized. She peered around the door archway and froze. The second voice belonged to James Potter.

“In fact,” Potter continued, “the best Potions student in our year has Muggle parents, just like you.” Lily felt her face flush at the compliment. Had Potter really noticed her talent for Potions?

Olivia beamed at James and Lily wasn’t surprised to see she was the frizzy haired girl from earlier. She looked extra tiny next to Remus and James, who Lily noticed had both done a bit of growing over summer break. 

“But how did the Sorting Hat know to put me in Gryffindor if my parents weren’t Gryffindors like everyone else’s?” said Olivia, so softly Lily could hardly hear. “The hat said this was the house for brave kids. I think it got me wrong- I’m really scared all the time.”

“But that’s exactly why you belong in Gryffindor,” exclaimed James, jumping to his feet. “Bravery is doing what’s right _despite_ being scared.”

“He’s right, you know,” Remus cut in. “What’s important is how you _choose to act_ in the face of what scares you most.”

James pulled out a box of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and fished around until he found a particularly unpleasant looking green color. “Now, if I hand you this rotten asparagus flavoured bean,” he began, “you would be crazy to not be a little scared of how this might taste. But if you don’t eat it, I’m going to make Remus eat it instead. So what are you going to do about it?”

“I really do hate asparagus,” Remus chimed in.

Olivia wearily eyed the candy in James’ hand, but after a moment of hesitation, she grabbed it from his palm and tossed it in her mouth. Her face contorted as she swallowed the candy, but she laughed with the boys as they cheered her on. 

“I didn’t realize we were having a party down here,” said Lily, finally emerging from behind the archway. 

James spun around, accidentally dumped out half the box of Bertie Botts Beans onto the floor, and nearly tripped over his own feet at the sound of Lily’s voice. 

“Whoa there, Prongs,” said Remus, grabbing a bean off the ground and throwing it at James.

Lily ignored Potter and walked over to the sofa where Olivia was sitting. “I hope these boys haven’t been giving you too much trouble,” said Lily. “You’re Olivia, right?”

The young girl smiled and nodded. 

“I’m Lily Evans,” she continued, “it’s nice to meet you Olivia. Now, as much as you may want to hang around and help pick up all the beans Potter spilled, I think you’d prefer getting some sleep before the first day of classes tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Olivia giggled as she glanced at James, who was still flustered from Lily’s sudden appearance. 

“See you around, Olivia,” said Remus as the girl followed Lily to the girl’s staircase. Olivia glanced back at the boys and gave them a little wave. Potter was still stunned into silence. 

It was strange to see James Potter caught off guard. Lily had become accustomed to his quick retorts and overly flirty quips over the years. They had an annoying, but familiar routine of Potter making an arse of himself trying to ask her out and Lily turning him down and not giving him any more time of day. This new, quiet James Potter was uncharted territory and it made her slightly uneasy. 

Before climbing the staircase back to the dormitories, Lily took one last look at the Common room. Remus was smiling sadly at James, who had collapsed onto an armchair, his face buried in his hands. Suddenly, he lifted his head and locked eyes with Lily. A hopeful smile played on his lips and Lily felt a fluttering in her chest she could only describe as familiar. Before she knew it, she was smiling back at him. 

The Common Room walls dissolved in a fog around Lily as she stared at James’ simple smile. The smell of the wood burning in the fireplace evaporated and her fingertips numbed as she fell deeper into the bizarre dream state. Thoughts of James’ crooked glasses muddled together with memories of fresh cold air and a distant game of truth or dare…

A slight tug at her shirt sleeve brought Lily back to reality. Olivia was looking up at her, hoping for a guide to the first year girl’s room. 

“Sorry about that,” Lily said, slightly breathless. “I just lost my train of thought for a moment.”

With her head spinning, Lily quickly led Olivia back to her room, not daring to take another look at James Potter. 

What was happening to her? When had Lily ever been affected before by anything Potter had thrown her way? She practically hated the boy, so where was this ache in her chest coming from? Every ounce of logic was telling her heart to stop pounding so fast and listen to reason. 

_Potter is a prick,_ Lily thought. _He’s arrogant and loud and I’ve never thought twice about him in my life. Watching him be kind to one first year doesn’t negate years of petty pranks against unwilling students._

Lily snuck back into her own room, thankful that the lights were out and her fellow sixth years were already asleep. Her bed welcomed her as she nestled under the heavy quilt, hoping for sleep to come quickly and drag her away from the nagging thoughts of James Potter’s stupid smile. Tomorrow marked the beginning of another school year and all Lily could hope for was a good night's rest to prepare her for the year to come. 


	2. The Spiral Notebook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Raindrops, the sequel to Snowflakes :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy chapter two!

The flimsy, green spiral notebook and ballpoint pen stood out dramatically against Lily’s other reams of parchment and collection of quills. Setting the modern Muggle stationary down on the ancient wooden table in the Great hall made her chuckle. Lily remembered her first few years at Hogwarts, back when she wouldn’t dare be caught with anything Muggle-related, always concerned that she wasn’t fitting in with her classmates. Now, especially after last year's events with Severus, she liked to wear her Muggleborn status with pride. 

Lily flipped the notebook open, clicked her pen, and got to writing. 

_Dear Cassie,_

_I am so sorry we weren’t able to make the ski trip work out this Summer. The last few months went by in a flash and I can’t believe I’m already back at Boarding School._

Lily stared with a furrowed brow at what she had scribbled down so far. The words sounded so formal. For years, Lily had been growing apart from her Primary School Muggle friends and she genuinely missed them. 

Why hadn’t they followed through on the ski trip plans? Lily searched her mind for answers, but came up blank. 

“I’m still shocked I passed the Charms O.W.L.,” Mary said to Marlene as the two girls joined Lily at the dining table. 

“You’re excellent at charms, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Marlene responded, rolling her eyes.

Mary scrunched her nose up and shook her head playfully. “Well, I’m no _Lily Evans_ \- we don’t even need to ask to know you got an _Outstanding_ in Charms.”

Lily shrugged with a twinkle in her eye. “Hey, you definitely have me beat in Transfiguration though, I barely scraped by with my _Exceeds Expectations_.”

“But an _Outstanding_ in Transfiguration isn’t anything to brag about,” Mary cut in. “Even Peter Pettigrew got an ‘O’ on his exams and I’ve never seen him even read a textbook!”

“From what I heard,” said Marlene, “all of the Marauders are taking N.E.W.T. level Transfiguration. Poor McGonagall!”

The girls laughed at their professor’s misfortune as they finished up their breakfast. They wouldn’t have to wait much longer to see McGonagall’s reaction to her new N.E.W.T. level students, as Transfiguration was the first lesson of the day. Lily and her friends quickly gathered their things and eagerly skipped off to class.

Despite being quite early to the lesson, there was already a small group of students waiting in the hallway outside of the classroom, including the four Gryffindor sixth year boys. Sirius Black and James Potter were looking over Peter Pettigrew’s shoulder at a stack of moving photographs. Peter gestured animatedly at the images of what looked like his mum in downtown London. Black snickered and with a flick of his wand cast a mustache on the middle-aged woman, resulting in a squeal of protest from Peter. 

Remus, who had been off to the side reading a worn down book, raised his own wand without so much as turning his head. In a flash, the mustache vanished and Peter calmed down instantly. Sirius rolled his eyes and spotted Lily, Mary, and Marlene approaching.

“Well if it isn’t my three favorite sixth year Gryffindor girls,” Sirius shouted.

“Well, that’s just rude,” said Elizabeth Wood, who sat on the ground just a couple feet away from the boys. Sirius raised his eyebrows and let out a barking laugh, but didn’t bother responding. 

“Alright, Black?” said Mary, dropping her bag on the floor next to the Marauders. She had always been the most friendly with the boys, despite Lily and Marlene’s general distaste towards them. Mary thought they were a laugh.

“Couldn’t be better knowing we get to spend the next ninety minutes with the one and only Minnie McGonagall,” Sirius responded with a wink. 

“James,” said Marlene, suddenly, “I’m so sorry about what happened to Henry and your Aunt and Uncle. It’s so awful. My mum wants your parents’ address so she can send over a casserole.”

James looked somber, but gave her a warm smile. “Thanks Marlene, they’d love that.”

Lily was lost. “What happened?” she asked, hoping not to sound too insensitive. She was met with blank stares.

“Oh Merlin, Lily- sorry I thought you would have heard,” stammered Marlene, looking to James for an explanation.

“It, uh-” he muttered, lowering his voice, “it was Death Eaters. My Aunt, Uncle, and Henry were all attacked over Summer Break.” 

Lily’s breath caught in her throat. “Oh James,” she said, his first name sounding awkward on her tongue, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

He wouldn’t look her in the eye. “No, no don’t worry about it.”

The silence was uncomfortable. Lily begged for McGonagall to hurry up and unlock the classroom door to get them out of this situation. She disliked James, thought he was a right prick, but she was having a hard time fighting her natural instinct to comfort the boy standing in front of her. James had lost half his family in an unimaginably cruel way. It was heartbreaking and if class didn’t start in the next minute, Lily was concerned she might impulsively hug him right in the middle of the hallway. That foggy feeling started to grab hold of her again and she worried she might lose control.

Luckily, Professor McGonagall rounded the corner at that moment, relieving the tension. 

“Fancy seeing you here, Minerva!” greeted Sirius with a wide grin.

McGonagall responded sternly with raised eyebrows, but Lily swore she saw the corner of the Professor’s mouth twitch. 

Once the door was unlocked, the sixth year students flooded into the classroom to find their seats. Lily led Mary and Marlene towards the front of the room in an attempt to put as much distance between herself and James as possible. Unfortunately, it looked like the Marauders were going to be taking their studies very seriously this year. The four boys strutted confidently to the first row of desks and took their seats, waving at McGonagall as she flipped through her syllabus. 

Great. Now Lily would have to stare at the back of Potter’s head for the entire class. Well, she didn’t _have_ to stare at him. What was her mind doing to her? She thought about how badly she wanted to throw her arms around James back in the hallway and started to panic. Where in the bloody hell were these feelings coming from? 

_You just feel sorry for Potter- you’d feel equally bad for Pettigrew if something happened to his family,_ Lily thought, determinedly.

But as she tried to imagine herself hugging a whimpering Peter Pettigrew, she flinched. Maybe that was a bad example.

McGonagall was well into the lesson before Lily was brought to her senses and even thought to take out a quill and parchment for notes. She cursed the back of James Potter’s messy head and tried her best to hear what her professor was saying, but she couldn’t focus her mind. A pang of anxiety struck her chest as she realized how easily her thoughts had been wandering away from her ever since boarding the Hogwarts Express. She felt like she was losing control. Had she been cursed without realizing it? 

Lily squeezed her eyes shut. Her head was pounding now and she wished she wasn’t having what felt like a mental break in the middle of a lesson. When she finally opened her eyes, her heart sank as she realized for the first time that she hadn’t pulled out her parchment, but instead had grabbed her spiral notebook, opened to the half written letter to Cassie. 

A shadow appeared over the page and Lily looked up to see Sirius Black standing over her desk. She gaped at him, unsure if she had somehow blacked out for the entire duration of class.

“What are-” Lily started.

“McGonagall just partnered us up to practice _Crinus Muto_ on each other,” said Sirius with a raised eyebrow. 

Lily stared up at him, mouth ajar. 

“Are you telling me you missed the last five minutes of McGonagall’s speech about keeping the Marauders as far away from each other as possible?” Sirius laughed. “Lily Evans wasn’t paying attention in class? While Prongs, Moony, Wormtail, and I were publicly chastised? Are you feeling alright, Evans?”

“I’m _fine_ ,” said Lily, a little too quickly. “Now what color do you want me to make your hair?”

The spell was tricky, especially because Lily hadn’t been paying any attention to the lesson, but soon enough she was able to give Sirius a few blond highlights. He flipped his curls dramatically behind his shoulder as he examined his new look in the reflection of one of the classroom’s glass cabinets. 

“I could get used to this look,” he grinned cheekily at his own reflection. “Okay, Evans, now it’s your turn.”

Sirius turned to Lily and with a swooping motion, he transformed her staple red hair into a raven black. Her eyes widened with surprise as she caught a glimpse of herself. She was almost unrecognizable. 

“Oi Prongs!” shouted Sirius across the classroom. James, who was partnered with a green-haired Mary, whipped around. “Get a load of what your future daughter will look like! You’re dark hair, Lily’s lovely green eyes- OW!”

Lily had punched Black’s on the side of his arm. “That is _not_ funny Black,” she said, turning her glare to Potter. She expected him to jump in with some sort of remark or use this as another excuse to ask her out, but when she looked at James, he was beet red and silent. 

“Tough crowd,” muttered Sirius.

Lily felt a wave of guilt rush over her as she thought of James’ cousin, Aunt, and Uncle. Losing them must have really messed with him. She had never seen James Potter this quiet and reserved before.

“He must be having a pretty hard time after what happened with his family over the summer,” said Lily quietly to Sirius. He glanced at her with furrowed brows. 

“Who, James?” asked Sirius.

Lily gaped at him. “Are you kidding me? Of course, Potter! He’s been so quiet and distant… it’s bizarre, I barely recognize him.”

“That has nothing to do with his family,” said Sirius, as if that were painfully obvious. He stared at her for a long time. “Evans, do you remember anything about what you did over summer break?”

“Excuse me?” said Lily, taken aback by the question. “What’s that got to do with anything? I spent the entire break at home with my parents. It was painfully boring.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head, the black and blond ringlets bouncing around his face. “Nevermind. But it sounds like you miss James making an arse of himself around you,” said Sirius with raised eyebrows. 

“I said no such thing,” Lily stammered.

“I don’t know,” he continued, “you’ve complained about James’ loud mouth for years, but now that he’s quieted down, maybe you miss the banter a little bit… could that be, Evans?” Sirius was looking more and more amused by the minute which horrified Lily. “Maybe you’ve had a change of heart over the summer?” 

“You are absurd, Black- you both are,” said Lily, frustrated with the turn this conversation had taken. Desperate to find something else to occupy herself with, she grabbed her quill and picked up her notebook. Maybe if she pretended to look over her notes, Black would leave her alone. 

“Are you writing to Cassie?” asked Black in a serious tone that lacked any of his usual smooth cadence. 

“How did you know-” Lily started. She looked down and realized her notebook was still open to the half written letter. “But how do you know Cassie? Did Mary tell you about her?”

“No Lily,” said Sirius, making direct eye contact, “I _know_ Cassie.” He stared at her intently, as though he was trying to read her mind. Lily felt the now familiar numbness start to spread from her chest as her mind became cloudy like a fog was rolling past her eyes. 

“No,” she whispered, trying to hold on to reality, “Cassie’s a Muggle. You don’t…” The fog was growing thicker. Sirius wouldn’t look away. 

“Come on, Lily,” said Black. He almost sounded desperate. “You must remember-”

Before he could say anymore, Sirius was lurched away out of Lily’s sight and the clouds lifted. As she caught her breath, which she hadn’t realized she had been holding, Lily saw James pulling Sirius across the classroom, looking furious. 

“What was that all about?” asked Mary, who was now by Lily’s side.

“I have no idea,” said Lily, still spinning from the strangeness of the encounter, “but could you please transfigure my hair back to red, I look like I belong to a pureblood family.”

Mary laughed and quickly performed the counter spell. “That’s much better. Now pack up your things, class is over.”

“Hey,” said Lily as she threw her notebook into her bag, “did you ever tell Black about my friend, Cassie?”

“No,” said Mary, genuinely, “not that I remember anyway. I can’t think of a reason it would come up. Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” Lily responded. She was disappointed. If Mary hadn’t told Black about Cassie, then how would he even know her name? There must be an explanation, but the tightness in Lily’s chest made her wonder if she even wanted to know the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Has anyone else found their way back to fanfiction because of the pandemic? Or because of JKR's hurtful statements?
> 
> I'm newer to AO3, having been a die-hard MuggleNet FanFiction kid for years, and I've been enjoying what this site has to offer. If anyone has any James/Lily or general Marauder fic recommendations, please send them my way!


	3. The New Professor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends and welcome back to Raindrops!

For the rest of the first week of classes, Lily tried her best to avoid any contact with Sirius Black, James Potter, or the other two Marauders. And as she put more distance between herself and the boys, she noticed the foggy spells she had been experiencing became less frequent.

With a clearer mind, Lily dove head first into her sixth year classes. The professors were not holding back, assigning twice as much homework than the previous years, and Lily already found herself swamped with essays and readings. But she was thankful for the distractions, and long hours studying in the library kept her away from socializing too much in the Gryffindor Common Room. 

Although, while hiding out in the library may have solved her Marauder problem, it also brought her face to face on more than one occasion with Severus Snape.

She should have realized he would be there. For years, the library had been her and Severus’ escape from their own houses, a place where they could spend time uninterrupted by inter-house competition and prejudices. That first day, when Lily had instinctively walked back to their usual table in the corner, she was shocked to see him already sitting there, looking as if he expected her to join him as she used to. She couldn’t tell if he had even noticed her, but she made a big huff all the same as she spun around and found a new table to study at.

After a long first week back, it was finally Friday and time for the last lesson of the day, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Mary had bowed out of D.A.D.A. this year, claiming it was too stressful learning about all the ways one could be attacked in the wizarding world, but Lily was looking forward to the class. It felt practical. Useful. If she had learned anything from spending time with Severus and getting a glimpse inside the inner workings of the Slytherin house, it was best to be prepared for a world growing darker by the year. 

Lily made her way through the third floor corridor on her way to the D.A.D.A. classroom with a spring in her step. They were always getting a new Professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and this year was no exception. As Lily entered the large classroom and took her seat next to Marlene, she spotted the young new teacher up at the front of the room.

He was a tall and sturdy man with flaming red, curly hair and a mischievous look in his eye. As he scanned the room, sizing up his new class, Lily noticed he was barely older than the students he was meant to teach. She glanced at Marlene, whose eyebrows had traveled so far up her forehead they might have been lost in her fringe. Lily chuckled at her friend’s gawking stare, but had to admit that this new professor was quite attractive.

“No bloody way,” came the voice of James Potter from the doorway. “Gideon Prewett? Is this a dream?” Potter made it to the front of the class in a few long strides and was soon enthusiastically shaking the professor’s hand.

“That’s _Professo_ _r_ Prewett to you Mr. Potter,” he replied with a grin. “How did you miss me at the opening feast?”

“I- uh, must have been preoccupied,” mumbled James, his eyes shifting to the ground. 

“Now don’t expect any preferential treatment just because I basically changed your nappies for years,” said Prewett with a cheeky wink as he shoved a laughing James back to his seat. 

“Ah you didn’t have to air out my dirty laundry like that, mate,” said James. “I’d like to keep up the illusion that there was never a time that the great James Potter wasn’t potty trained.” He caught Lily’s eye as if it were the most natural thing in the world and sent her a classic Potter wink. But when she returned it with her usual disapproving glare, he jolted. He quickly turned away to hide his face from her view and sat down between Sirius and Remus. 

“So that’s Gideon Prewett,” said Marlene, clearly in awe. She turned to Lily, who in no way registered or recognized the name. “He and his brother Fabian were a year above my brother, both Gryffindor’s of course. All the Prewett’s have been. They’re an old pureblood family, you know.”

“Alright, welcome everyone!” bellowed Gideon. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

The students settled down and turned their attention to the new teacher. Plenty of eyes shifted around and Lily assumed her fellow classmates must be thinking the same thing as she had been. What did this young guy, who barely looked old enough to have graduated Hogwarts himself, have to offer? 

“No need for your wands today,” Professor Prewett said, followed by a sea of disappointed groaning. “Lighten up you lot, I just want to have a chat.” He paused and Lily could feel the class leaning forward with anticipation. He seemed to know how to command a room. 

Prewett was casual, but confident, with a crooked smile that made it feel like he was keeping a secret. He tapped his own wand on the big wooden chalkboard behind his desk and a list of cursive words wrote themselves out in a smooth, winding script. 

_Dementors, Infiri, Basilisks, Unforgivable Curses, Protective Spells, Fidelios Charms, Nonverball Spellcasting_ , the list went on and on. 

“I’m not going to sugar coat it,” said Gideon as he walked around and sat down on the corner of his desk, “you all will be seeing some very dark magic in this classroom throughout the coming school year. Now, I’m not trying to scare anyone, but I do want you to be prepared. In my class, you’ll learn to protect yourself from the most dangerous curses known to our world, see the effects of animated corpses, and find yourselves face to face with soul-hungry Dementors.” 

He took a deep breath and let the eager silence hang in the air as he pushed up the sleeves of his knitted jumper. “What we do together in this class is meant to test your spirits and confront your fears,” continued Professor Prewett, “but I promise you that you’ll be in safe hands.”

Lily could hear Marlene sighing beside her and a few rows ahead of them, James Potter leaned so far forward, he nearly fell out of his seat.

“And while every school year is important, young Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs,” said Prewett, pointedly noting the crests on the student’s uniforms, “this year I urge you to treat this class as though you aren’t currently protected within the walls of Hogwarts… because the dangers that you’ll be facing in this classroom are becoming more and more prevalent in the world outside this castle.”

A moment ago, Lily couldn’t have imagined a way that the Defense Against the Darks Arts classroom could have grown quieter than it already was. But now, she swore she could hear a feather drop.

“Of course,” he continued as he hopped off the desk, a smile returning to his face, “that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun! I’d love for you all to pull out your quills and parchment and spend the next twenty minutes coming up with your own lists of your favorite spells that would be improved by being cast non-verbally. Jelly-leg jinxes, musical curses, enlargement spells- nothing is off limits.”

Excited chatter filled the room immediately as the class pulled out their parchment and muttered their thoughts on this new Professor to their neighbors. Girls giggled, glances were shared, and soon scratching quills joined the symphony of excitement that filled the classroom. James Potter had already jumped up from his chair to join Prewett behind his desk. 

Lily and Marlene jotted down their own list of spells, but soon became wrapped up in their own conversation about the teacher.

“He’s so mysterious,” said Marlene, stars in her eyes.

“Well, if he’s _that_ close to Potter, I think I know all I need to know about Professor Gideon Prewett,” Lily responded as she motioned to the front of the class where Potter was showing off his stolen snitch to Prewett, who in turn shoved him playfully, much like an older brother would. 

They went back to their lists, but it wasn’t long before Professor Prewett cleared his throat, grabbing the student’s attention immediately.

“I think that will be enough for today,” he said with a warm smile. “I’ll let you go to enjoy your weekends a little early, but if I could ask Mr. MacDougal, Miss. Jenkins, Mr. Lupin, and Miss. Evans to stay behind for just a moment?”

James looked deeply insulted that his name had not been called, but eventually left with Sirius and the rest of the class. Marlene told Lily she would meet her at the Great Hall for dinner and gave her a playful, jealous wave before skipping off to find Mary. Lily looked around at the four students left in the classroom and her nerves settled down once it clicked that he had simply called the names of all the Prefects in the room. 

Lily made her way over to Remus and he gave her a curious smile. They waited for Prewett to gather up some papers on his desk before turning to the group. “Shall we hop up to my office then?”

Gideon Prewett’s office looked more like a teenager’s dorm room than a Professor’s workspace. Moving posters of Professional Quidditch players lined the walls and a large Chudley Cannons tapestry hung behind his desk. There was no question what he and James Potter might have had in common. Framed photos of smiling red heads covered his desk and bookshelves and Lily was surprised to see Dumbledore appear in more than one picture. 

Remus nudged her and pointed at a photograph off to the side on the desk. A teenaged Gideon and a boy who could only be his twin brother hoisted a messy haired toddler with glasses too big for his little face up on their shoulders. Lily’s jaw dropped as she realized the little boy had to be none other than James Potter. Remus grinned at the photo.

“Thank you for speaking with me, you four,” said Prewett as he summoned a plate of biscuits to offer the sixth year Prefects. “I’ve been pulling aside all of the Prefects- well almost all of them- to discuss some concerns that Dumbledore hoped I could help address during this school year.”

Lily and Remus exchanged questioning looks.

“I’m sure you’ve all heard, to varying degrees, about the rising popularity of a wizard who goes by the name, Voldemort?” Prewett watched their reactions closely, noting as Martin MacDougal, a gangly and kind Hufflepuff, flinched at the sound of the name. 

Of course Lily, the only Muggleborn of the four prefects, knew all about Lord Voldemort. She first heard his name casually dropped in conversation by Severus during their second year. Back then, he claimed Voldemort was an up and coming politician who argued that Wizards shouldn’t have to hide from Muggles. At the time, the way Sev had phrased it, Lily agreed. How wonderful it would be to not have to hide her life from her Muggle friends! In reality, it wasn’t a merging of cultures that Voldemort sought after. He wanted the total destruction of the non-magical world.

As the years went on, and Severus’ friends who spoke fondly of Voldemort’s ideas made themselves louder, it soon became clear that Lily, and anyone like her, were not welcome in the world Voldemort hoped to create. By the end of her second year, Lily heard the word _Mudblood_ whispered behind her back on a regular basis. By third year, some had worked up the courage to say it to her face. And just last year, it had been Severus shouting it in her direction across the grounds.

Tears pricked the corners of Lily’s eyes, but she took a deep breath and nodded with the other prefects as Professor Prewett continued.

“As you may know, Voldemort’s ideology is filled with pureblood supremacy bullshit- pardon my language. I think anyone with half a heart and working vision can see that _purity_ _of blood_ has nothing to do with magical ability or how much any witch or wizard _deserves_ to live in this world.”

The tightness in Lily’s chest released at the clarity of Prewett’s words. She had gotten so used to hearing the opposing arguments being thrown around by angry Slytherins and grown numb to the slurs and jeers from her classmates in that house. She couldn’t help but smile as Prewett continued to speak.

“Unfortunately, this line of thinking appeals to some of the older pureblood houses. Status and power can be a hell of a drug when it’s all you have left to hold onto. Voldemort is a smart recruiter. We know he has some prominent families on his side and we’ve noticed more recently his goals have been set on younger and younger wizards and witches. We believe he is attempting to recruit within the walls of Hogwarts.”

One of the Huffelpuffs made a squeak, but Lily stood still, her eyes trained on the professor.

“I’m asking you all, as Prefects, to keep an eye out for any suspicious activities surrounding pureblood families and especially younger, more vulnerable students,” said Prewett. “I’m weary to single out the Slytherin house as a whole, but we do know a lot of the activity will be coming from those students. I’m trusting you will keep this information private and that you’ll report back to me with any of your findings, no matter how small.

“I’m here first and foremost as your professor, but Dumbledore and I go way back and he has also appointed me to keep you safe.” He looked directly at Lily. “I need you to know that there are people on your side.”

Prewett gave them each one last look before cutting the tension with a warm smile. “Now run off to dinner, the lot of you! sorry to keep you so long.”

The four Prefects broke off into pairs as they made their way down to the great hall. Remus was quiet, and looking more haggard that usual.

“You all right?” asked Lily, reaching out to pat Remus’ shoulder.

“Yeah course,” he said, smiling softly back at her. “Prewett just gave me a lot to think about… that and the full moon is coming up, you know.” As soon as he said it, Lily could feel his shoulders tense under her hand. 

Lily’s mind started buzzing. Full moon. Remus had just said the full moon was coming up. Her thoughts went directly to all of those arguments she had with Severus through the years about Remus’ many absences from class, the scars on his face, the bags under his eyes. Every time Sev brought up his suspicions, Lily had scolded him for saying such things. It was ridiculous to go assuming things that were so personal, especially as she had always considered Remus a friend. 

“Oh shit,” Remus whispered and he buried his face in his hands and balled his hair in his fists. Lily looked at him, expecting the shock of the revelation to hit. Remus was a werewolf, but for some reason, this information wasn’t… surprising? It was as if she’d known for a while. She felt remarkably calm.

“Remus,” she said, stepping forward and pulling him into a hug, “it’s okay. Don’t worry.”

“I forgot you didn’t-” Remus started, but quickly stopped himself from saying more. 

“Didn’t what?” asked Lily, stepping back to look at him. He was pale, his eyes bouncing around, looking everywhere besides her own gaze.

“Nothing,” he muttered. “You’re not… scared of me, are you?”

“Remus!” Lily nearly shouted. “Of course not, I could never be scared of you.” She shoved him, playfully. “I’m glad you told me. It must be so hard keeping that part of yourself hidden from everyone.” He finally met her eyes and smiled, though the worried lines hadn’t left his brow. 

“You can’t tell anyone,” he said.

“I would never. I'm here for you, Remus.”

She reassuringly squeezed his arm and pulled him forward towards the Great Hall. They walked the rest of the way to dinner, a little more quietly, but also a little more connected than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! 
> 
> I'm thinking I'll try to continue updating once a week - although now that I've said that, I'm sure I've jinxed myself...
> 
> Anyway, all feedback is welcomed and appreciated :)


	4. The Scar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back to Raindrops!
> 
> This is a big chapter this week, so get cozy and prepare for the first Quidditch game of the season. 
> 
> tw: alcohol and mentions of recreational plants...
> 
> Enjoy!

“It’s not fair!” whined the Ravenclaw third year as he stood, arms crossed, in the middle of the dark corridor. “It was your mate who told me about this passageway to the kitchens in the first place!”

“Oh really?” replied Remus Lupin. “And which one of my mates is leaking Marauder secrets? The one with specs, the short one, or the handsome one?”

“The handsome one, eh?” asked Lily, her brows raised. Remus brushed her off with an awkward chuckle, not taking his eyes off the kid they had found sneaking around after hours. 

“It was the short one,” said the Ravenclaw with a scowl. 

“Ah Pete,” laughed Remus, “I’ll have to give him a talking to. But as for you kid, five points from Ravenclaw. Now get back to your tower.”

Lily and Remus watched the third year turn on his heel and storm off in a huff. 

“You let him off easy,” she said, her head cocked to the side. “It’s pretty late, we could have dished out a detention.”

“Nah, I feel slightly responsible,” sighed Remus, “I told Peter about that passageway a couple weeks ago... hell, I even used it last night.” He flashed a sly smirk that made Lily roll her eyes. 

“But you’re a prefect, technically you’re allowed to be in the corridors at night,” she pointed out.

“Not with my arms overflowing with enough puff pasties from the kitchens to feed an army of giants.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “I ate one of those pasties! You implicated me in your crime!”

“Guess you can’t turn me in to Dumbledore now,” laughed Remus as they made their way back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Their rounds were just about finished for the night. 

“Another slow night,” Lily noted as they climbed through the portrait hole. 

“The way Prewett was talking at the beginning of the year, I had expected to have made a few arrests already by this point,” laughed Remus. 

Lily nodded in agreement. The assignment had felt so purposeful and exciting that first week, but nearly a month had passed since their meeting with the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor and the most action they’d experienced during their rounds involved some fifth years planting dungbombs in the Library. 

Lily started up the stairs to her dormitory before doubling back down. “Remus,” she called. “I almost forgot to ask!” She saw his head pop out from the boy’s staircase archway. “You going to the Quidditch match tomorrow?”

“Of course,” he said with a grin, “you think I have the option to miss James Potter’s first match as Gryffindor Captain?”

“Oh, I forgot,” Lily stuttered as she felt her cheeks become hot. “It’s Elizabeth’s first game as a beater.”

“Prongs has definitely put together a good team this year,” Remus said, giving Lily a pointed look that made her blush grow.

“Uh huh,” she said, quickly. Without so much as saying goodnight, Lily turned and rushed up the stairs to her room. She cursed herself as she rubbed her face, angry that her cheeks betrayed her once again. 

For the first month of classes, Lily did an excellent job of avoiding Potter and his mates as best she could. Much of her time had been spent either in the library or by the greenhouses with Mary and Marlene. Mary, who was one of Professor Sprout’s favorite students, had access to the nurseries during all hours of the day and Lily loved lounging around all the plants and flowers with the girls. It felt refreshing after the past five years of spending so much of her free time with Severus in the dark potions classroom. She liked the sunny change of scenery.

There was only one downside to the greenhouses, though. Peter Pettigrew apparently also had a green thumb and frequently visited to tend the newly planted patch of Dittany. 

At first, Lily worried that Peter’s presence would affect her in the same way the other boys had. She had come to the conclusion that her dizzy spells must be directly related to the Marauders, and more specifically James. Luckily, Peter didn’t seem to bring on that strange numbness, so instead, the fourth Marauder became a welcomed acquaintance in the greenhouses. He even let the girls in on where the more  _ recreational _ plants were located in the back rooms. 

So now, for the first time in her entire school career, Lily found herself on good terms with two out of the four Marauders. The other two were a completely different story.

Sometimes days would go by without any incident, but then, when she least expected it, Lily would catch Potter staring across the Common Room and that hollow feeling would consume her again. Her mind wandered off in directions she couldn’t control, through forests of evergreen trees and down the aisles of a distant Muggle grocery store. There was a sensation of being stuck. Of wanting to follow the snowy pathway through the trees to see where it led. But something always pulled her out of the dream-like state before getting a chance to grasp the images.

And then once Lily came firmly back to reality, James Potter’s hazel eyes would still be there. Watching from a distance.

It was always from a distance. 

James Potter hadn’t changed at all since their fifth year. He was still confident, troublemaking, entitled, and determined… but none of his antics were aimed at Lily like they used to be. They had been back at Hogwarts for almost a month, but James hadn’t tried asking her out even once. This new distance, coupled with the effect he was now having on her, made Lily’s thoughts more occupied with Potter than they had ever been before. 

Lily continued rubbing her cheeks, hoping the blush would subside by the time she made it back to her dorm. It was embarrassing enough to be  _ thinking _ about Potter all the time, but another story to be  _ blushing _ about him, too.

When she swung open the door to her shared bedroom, Lily was surprised to see a figure pacing back and forth in the middle of the dark room. The figure froze at the sound of the creaking hinges.

“Lily?” whispered the figure. “Are you already back from rounds?”

Lily quietly cast  _ Lumos _ , hoping not to wake her other dormmates, and saw a worried Elizebeth Wood before her.

“Elizabeth, it’s past midnight, what are you still doing up?” asked Lily. 

Elizabeth averted her gaze and shot her hand to her mouth. She had an awful habit of biting her nails when under extreme stress. It had gotten so bad last year under the pressure of O.W.L.s, that she had to go to Madam Pomfrey to get a regrowing potion after her nails became too short to peel the knotgrass apart during their Potions Exam. 

Lily approached Elizabeth and reached out instinctively, pulling the other girl into a hug. She was stiff, but relaxed after only a moment. 

The two weren’t very close, Elizabeth had always been very serious and had a bit of a temper, but Lily always admired her determination and work ethic. There was a pang of guilt as Lily realized she never actually put the time in to get to know Elizabeth better. She spent too many hours away from her housemates, running around with Severus, to get close with the people she actually lived with. Lily pulled Elizabeth tighter.

“You’re nervous about the game tomorrow, aren’t you?” said Lily, finally.

Elizabeth nodded into Lily’s shoulder. “I’m bloody terrified,” she responded, pulling back from the hug and looking to the floor. “I never should have been chosen for the team.” 

“Don’t say that!” said Lily, a little too loudly. She could hear Marlene’s covers rustling from the other side of the room, so she lowered her voice and continued. “Look, I can’t claim to be a Quidditch expert, but I do know that James Potter wouldn’t have picked you to be his team’s beater if he didn’t think you would help Gryffindor win.”

Just saying Potter’s name out loud brought back the heat in Lily’s cheeks, but it also seemed to lift Elizabeth’s spirits. 

“I’m so stuck in my own head all the time, even in practice,” said Elizabeth, “but James is so effortlessly confident. I guess that’s what makes him such a good leader.”

Lily paused a moment to consider Elizabeth’s characterization of Potter and decided to tuck it away for later. “Well,” she replied, “you may be a bit of an overthinker, but I think that’s a good quality for a beater to have. You have to be strategic, right? Keep your eye on all your teammates and the other team too? Sounds like you’re perfect for the job.”

Elizabeth broke out into a smile and reached out to hug Lily again before finally turning back to her bed. 

“Thanks Lily,” she whispered from across the room.

“Happy to help,” Lily responded as she shut her eyes, ready for sleep.  
  


“GOOD MORNING FELLOW GRYFFINDORS… ARE YOU ALL READY TO WIN A QUIDDITCH MATCH?”

The booming voice of James Potter echoed around the dormitory, jolting Lily awake. She sat upright and frantically searched the room, convinced Potter must have found a way up the girl’s staircase, but he was nowhere in sight. With a sigh of relief, she glanced at the clock on her side table and groaned. It was only six-thirty in the morning.

“WAKE UP, WAKE UP YOUNG LIONS… THE WEATHER IS CRISP AND THE SKIES ARE CLEAR…”

He must have figured out a way to project his voice throughout the whole of Gryffindor Tower. What an absolute nightmare.

“Shut up, Potter!” shouted Mary in protest and Lily laughed along with the other girls.

“THIS IS JAMES POTTER, YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING, AND I REQUEST A UNITED FRONT AT THE GREAT HALL THIS MORNING FOR BREAKFAST…”

Lily let out a dramatic sigh before rolling out from under her cozy blankets and heading out the door.

“Lily,” called a sleepy Marlene, “what are you doing?”

“I’m going to put an end to this nonsense,” Lily replied, sliding on a pair of slippers before heading down the staircase to the Common Room.

James’ morning announcement rang even louder outside of their room.

“THROW ON YOUR MAROON AND GOLD SWEATERS AND DON’T FORGET YOUR BINOCULARS… OH… UM… G’MORNING EVANS… HOW ARE YOU…”

With a flick of Lily’s wand, Potter’s voice shrunk back to it’s normal volume. She crossed her arms, eyebrows raised, as he and a snickering Sirius Black stood in the middle of the Common Room, decked out in their Gryffindor gear. James’ face had turned a deep red to match his jumper, but he still smiled like an idiot. Lily was careful not to look at him for too long.

“Oi Evans,” shouted Peter, peering around his armchair, “why’d you ruin the fun?”

“I don’t know anyone who thinks waking up to Potter’s voice in their ear would be considered  _ fun _ ,” she said, trying to sound stern, but unable to hide the smile creeping onto her face.

“As a matter of fact,” said Sirius, “Prongs wakes me up every morning and I find it to be absolutely delightful!”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Well maybe the majority of us might enjoy sleeping in a little on a Saturday, Black. I don’t see Rumus here, at least one of you has some sense.”

“Who do you think came up with the idea to use the amplifier charm?” Peter shot back, looking pleased.

“Guilty as charged,” came Remus’ voice from the boy’s staircase. He was dressed head to toe in Gryffindor colors and had his arms full with knitted hats and scarves.

“Have you taken up a new hobby, Lupin?” asked Lily, nodding to the bundle in his arms.

“We’ve got to be a united front!” James chimed in. Lily whipped around to face him and her stomach flipped. This had to be the first time he directly addressed her since their first Transfiguration lesson. “We made them for the first years. Had to make sure everyone had the house colors to wear.”

Lily couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of the four of them sitting around, knitting in their four-posters. “You boys are absurd,” she said as she turned on her heel.

“Where are you going now, Evans?” called Sirius.

She spun to look at them and grinned. “Well, I’ve got to get ready for the big game, haven’t I?”

The last thing she saw was Potter’s jaw drop before she hurried up the staircase.

Spirits were high at the Gryffindor breakfast table that morning. Yes, there was plenty of yawning and eye-rubbing after the early wake-up call, but overall their excitement buzzed around the Great Hall.

Lily shot Elizabeth a thumbs up as she got up to join the rest of her teammates, who were all leaving breakfast early to warm up. She waved back at Lily as she hurried off to meet up with James, who stood at the entrance of the Great Hall, bowing to the rest of the students as if he were the King of the castle. After much waving, and applause from the Gryffindor table, the team finally departed. 

“Oh Lily,” sighed Mary as she twirled her fork around a plate of scrambled eggs, “you must let me braid your hair today.”

“Fine,” Lily laughed, “but make it quick. We want to get good seats, don’t we?”

Marlene chatted aimlessly about a new hair potion she was using while Mary got to work on Lily’s plaits. Lily was nodding along and asking Marlene a few questions about why her old hair routine wasn’t working, when she heard a gasp from behind her.

“Lily,” squeaked Mary, “where did you get this scar?”

Lily turned in her seat, utterly confused. “What scar?” she asked, examining her hands and arms.

“No, it’s right here, on your neck,” said Mary, handing her a metal spoon to use as a mirror. Lily held the spoon up and, to her surprise, saw a long thin scar slashed across the side of her neck. 

“I’ve never seen that before, I have no clue where it could be from,” said Lily, slightly shocked. It looked like it had once been quite a deep cut. 

“You must have gotten it sometime over break,” said Mary, “I would have noticed it when I braided your hair on the Hogwarts Express last year.”

“Huh,” Lily muttered as she stared at her reflection in the spoon. Suddenly, she felt the familiar fog start to roll in and quickly shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind. “Well, at least you’ve done a wonderful job with the braids, Mary!”

Mary beamed and turned back to finish her eggs. 

  
  


Soon the girls found themselves crowded together with their housemates, high up in the Quidditch pitch stands. It was a beautiful, crisp fall day, without a cloud in the sky. Absolutely perfect Quidditch conditions.

Although she wasn’t terribly well versed in the sport, Lily enjoyed the camaraderie of Quidditch. Severus hated attending games and, for years, had convinced her to skip out on the matches to spend time away from their classmates. But halfway through their third year, Mary begged Lily to come along with her and Marlene to a match. Much to Severus’ dismay, Lily never missed a game again.

The match against Ravenclaw started out strong with Potter making a few goals off the bat, each score accompanied by a roar from the Gryffindor section of the stands. No one, however, was louder than Peter, who had used a version of their amplifier charm from that morning to project his own cheers above the rest.

Ravenclaw had a decent team, but their star seeker graduated last year, leaving them with a new recruit, who Lily recognized as the third year she and Remus had caught out of bed the night before. When she looked over to Remus, he was already looking back at her with a smirk.

“Maybe we should have given him that detention,” Remus shouted over the hollering of the crowd around them. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

“I promise we can get him next time,” she laughed. 

Remus looked as if he were going to respond, but something caught his eye further down in the stands. “Oi, Olivia!” he yelled. The frizzy haired first year turned around at once, a huge grin appearing on her face when she saw who had called her. She sat with the freckled twins and their cousin, who all looked rather impressed that one of the Marauders knew her name. 

“Where’s your house pride?” Remus asked. 

She responded by holding up her wrist, showing off a single maroon scrunchy. 

“Well, that just won’t do!” Remus grabbed his own knit scarf and threw it in her direction. She caught it and beamed back at him. 

“Oh Moony,” said Sirius lovingly from behind Remus, “you’re such a selfless bugger. Hey Olivia, right? Have yourself a matching hat!” He tossed his own knit beanie down to the girl, now surrounded by awed first years. It was one thing to have Remus Lupin giving you a scarf, but a whole other game to be on a first-name basis with the legendary Sirius Black. A group of envious fourth year girls looked on at the scene with gaping mouths.

A cheer erupted from the opposite side of the pitch as one of the Ravenclaw chasers scored. The Gryffindors booed and groaned, but it wasn’t long before James and one of the younger chasers, a girl named Annabelle Spitz, pulled off a tricky back and forth to score another goal for the lions. 

Lily squinted at the pitch, searching for Elizabeth among the maroon robes soaring through the air. Finally, she spotted her at the far end of the pitch, following a Bludger that tailed the Gryffindor Seeker, a fifth year boy named John Croucher. Croucher seemed honed in on what Lily assumed must be the Snitch, and hadn’t noticed the Bludger coming his way. 

The Bludger suddenly took an unexpected turn, but Elizabeth didn’t follow its path, instead choosing to stay close to their Seeker. What had she seen that Lily couldn’t? Croucher, still oblivious, pursued the Snitch and the crowd started to catch on that he might be getting close. The cheers started growing louder as he reached his hand out, clearly within reach of the victory, when a loud CRACK rang through the stadium. 

A Ravenclaw Beater had taken aim and hit the Bludger directly at Croucher’s head. For a split second, it looked pretty grim for Gryffindor, but at the last moment, Elizabeth swooped in and whacked the ball away in time for John Croucher to grab the Snitch. 

The Gryffindors erupted in a roar of applause. The players pumped their fists and soared through the air to meet up with John and Elizabeth, clapping them both on the back and hugging each other from their brooms. Then together, the team flew over to the Gryffindor stands where they were met by their ecstatic fans. 

Peter, with his amplified voice, led the crowd in a lively, “GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR!” and James gallantly stopped his own bowing to turn the crowd’s attention to John and then Elizabeth. 

Elizabeth Wood was grinning wider than Lily had ever seen and Lily cheered with all her might as the girl shyly took her own bow. 

“Now, I’ll be seeing all of you back in the Common Room!” shouted James as he waved at all his adoring fans.  
  


“I can’t believe you roped me into your rule-breaking,” Lily said through gritted teeth. When Remus had asked her in the stands if she wanted to help with a surprise for the team, she thought maybe they would be getting a cake from the kitchens. 

“Come on, Evans,” Peter responded, “you said you wanted to help!”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting we’d be smuggling half the kitchen’s supply of Firewhisky across the castle,” she shot back at Peter, who pulled a face in return.

“There’s nothing to be worried about,” said Remus as he struggled with his own handful of bottles on top of a platter full of sweets, “we do this all the time.”

“If we get caught, it’s both our badges,” Lily responded.

“We won't get caught, we’ve got Peter on lookout.”

Peter waved an old piece of parchment above his head like a flag and Lily rolled her eyes. 

_ Great,  _ she thought _ , the one thing protecting me from a month’s worth of detentions is Peter wielding a crumpled bit of paper. _

The three of them continued to creep through the corridors with their contraband, following Peter’s instructions of where to turn and which passageways to avoid. 

“Oh wonderful,” Peter squeaked as he peered at his little piece of parchment, “Padfoot managed to sneak some Hufflepuff’s into the Common Room. This is going to be our best party yet- YES!”

Peter’s final exclamation blasted through the hallways. He must have forgotten the amplifier charm he had placed on his cheering for the match and Lily could already hear the high-pitched cackling of Peeves coming towards the source of the disruption.

“Run!” shouted Remus, and they all took off sprinting the rest of the way to the Gryffindor Tower. 

When they made it back to the portrait hole, out of breath and in a fit of giggles from the nerves, Lily, Remus, and Peter were greeted like heroes by the wave of Gryffindors already celebrating in the Common Room. Music blared through Marlene’s old radio and all the furniture had been pushed to the sides of the room to make space for dancing. Each member of the Quidditch team had their own swarm of fans following them around, asking questions about the game, and trying to secure a hi-five or signature. Lily laughed out loud when she spotted Elizabeth, deeply uncomfortable with all the attention, opting to give her supporters a firm handshake instead. 

“Oh Lily, you absolute angel,” squealed Mary and she flung an arm around Lily’s shoulder. “Now please top off this Butterbeer, I’m trying to have some fun tonight!”

Lily happily uncorked a bottle and started pouring the Firewhiskey for Mary and Marlene, who rushed over as soon as she heard the sound of pouring.

“Ladies please,” said Sirius Black, sneaking up behind Lily’s friends and throwing his arms around them, “be careful with the goods! These are for sixth and seventh years only- we don’t need any twelve year olds ending up at Pomfrey’s tonight.”

“Very wise, Black,” said Lily, summoning herself a glass to discreetly pour the Firewhiskey into. 

“Alright, I’m off to pull Prongs away from his many admirers for you, Evans,” Sirius laughed, sending a playful wink in Lily’s direction, “and I hope to see all of you over on the dancefloor later!”

Lily opened her mouth in protest, but he was already lost in the crowd. She turned back to her friends to remark on how unnecessary that wink had been, but saw that Mary, Marlene, Remus, and Peter were occupied with seeing who could down their whiskey-spiked Butterbeers the fastest. She laughed, shrugged, and joined them by knocking back her own drink. Gryffindor had won a great game. It was definitely worth having a good time.

What felt like only moments later, Lily found herself in the middle of the dance floor, jumping up and down with the girls, trying to sing along to the poppy song she had never heard before. At some point, they had managed to pull Elizabeth into their group and even she couldn’t resist nodding her head to the beat. The only roommate they were missing, Danielle Hoffman, seemed to be preoccupied with one of the Hufflepuffs Sirius had invited, so they let her sit this one out.

Someone grabbed her hand from behind and gave her a twirl. It was Remus, all smiles with a flushed face from a bit too much to drink. Lily beamed back at him and grabbed his other hand, twisting him side to side, barely on beat with the music. 

“Oh no!” she tried to protest as Sirius snuck up behind Remus and grabbed him, pulling Lily’s dance partner away from her. Remus didn’t even have to look to know who had thrown their arms around him and Lily noticed his already red face grow even darker.

“You can’t steal Moony away from me, Evans!” Sirius slurred while rocking back and forth with Remus, who didn’t seem to be protesting too much. 

“Oh, are we hugging now?” bellowed James, seemingly appearing out of thin air and still sporting his Quidditch uniform. He threw himself onto the others, dragging a teetering Peter behind him. Lily couldn’t help but laugh, watching the four boys try to keep balanced in their far from sober state.

A new song came on the radio to a thunderous response. Lily didn’t recognize it, much like the other Wizard bands that played, but it must have been popular because even those who had graduated to the couches were back up on their feet. The Marauder huddle finally broke apart and moved themselves towards the girls, who were more than happy to continue dancing. 

The group of sixth years joined in singing along the best they could and danced with the rest of the Gryffindor Common Room, all while knocking back a healthy amount of Firewhiskey. 

At this moment, Lily could hardly recall why she ever thought Sirius Black and James Potter were such awful people, now that she was happily spinning between the two boys. Especially James with his skewed glasses, that undeniable charm, and perpetually messy hair. He grabbed her hand and gave her a twirl, making her heart flutter when they came face to face. 

His eyes were glossy, but bright, and he couldn’t stop his smile from growing wide across his intoxicated face. “Lily!” he shouted over the music. “I miss you so much, Evans!”

“What are you talking about?” Lily shouted back, laughing at the strange question. “I’m right here!” She looked up at him and felt a tightness in her chest. She paused, worried whether the feeling indicated another dizzy spell coming on or her sudden desire to close the already small gap between herself and James Potter. Her heart rate quickened as she realized they were still holding hands.

_ Oh Merlin, _ she thought, slightly panicked, slightly excited,  _ I’m going to take a step forward. I really want to take a step forward and if nothing stops me I’m going to do it. _

James seemed to be searching her face, taking in every detail as if he wouldn’t have the chance to again, but his gaze dropped for a moment and Lily watched his expression change in a flash. He lifted his hand and lightly touched her neck on the same spot Mary had found the strange scar earlier that morning. 

“Oh yeah,” said Lily, desperately trying to control the blush spreading across her face. James’ calloused fingers were a little rough, but warm on her skin. “I must have gotten that over the summer… I can’t remember what from, though.”

James looked as though he had been punched in the stomach, but quickly furrowed his brow in an attempt to hide the hurt. “Lily,” he said, hoarsely, “Lily I’m so sorry about Cassie. I’m so sorry about Cassie and Bess and Jill.”

Lily’s heart dropped into her stomach. James Potter didn’t know those names. He  _ couldn’t _ know those names. Lily’s friends… Lily’s  _ Muggle _ friends from back home… There was no way for James to know those names.

But before she could ask him any questions, there was a loud CRASH and the sound of glass shattering on the floor. Without any warning, James leapt forward, grabbing Lily and bringing her to the ground where he threw himself over her as though he were a human shield. 

James quickly pulled out his wand and shouted,  _ “Protego!” _ giving Lily a window to see a shimmering protective wall form around them, knocking back every student in close proximity. Potter looked wild, gasping for breath, and frantically pointing his wand at the crowd around them. Lily tried pushing him off her, but instead he turned and gingerly grasped the side of her neck.

“Oh Merlin Lily, no,” he sputtered, “you’re going to be okay, I’m sorry I don’t know how to make it stop bleeding-”

Someone finally broke the protective charm that James had cast, and within minutes Sirius had wrestled him off of her. She sat up, completely stunned at what had just happened. 

“What the  _ hell _ is wrong with you, Potter?” Mary shouted as she knelt down to hug Lily.

James was still putting up a fight and Peter jumped in to help Sirius calm him down. 

“OI! EVERYONE TO BED RIGHT NOW!” shouted Remus as he moved towards the flocks of students gaping at the scene before them. “I mean it- I will go get McGonagall, do NOT test me.” This threat worked decently well and the last of the stragglers made their way back to their dorms, leaving the sixth years alone in the Common Room.

“You  _ hurt _ her, Potter, you absolute  _ arse _ !” Mary continued, but Lily stopped her.

“No, Mary,” Lily gasped, “he wasn’t hurting me… I think he was trying to  _ protect _ me.”

Mary’s eyes flashed. “Protect you? From what, that broken glass?” She gestured at the source of the crash, a pair of crystal goblets that had been dropped on the floor. “Lily, he was grabbing your throat.”

Lily moved her hand to where James had been holding her. 

“He thought I was bleeding,” she whispered, just loud enough for Mary to hear. As Lily spoke the words, she could feel the fog begin rolling in to consume her. “He saw my scar. He was trying to stop the bleeding.” She could feel James’ wool sweater enveloping her, see the flashing lights, and hear the quick cracks of apparition popping around the cabin. If only she could get a better view...

Mary shook Lily’s shoulders, pulling her out of the fog at once. 

“Marlene, Elizabeth, come here and help me bring her back to the dorm.”

The other two girls rushed over and helped Lily to her feet, leading her towards the girl’s staircase. Across the room, Lily could see the Marauders doing the same for James, who finally looked as though he had come out of his own spell.

Their eyes met one last time as Lily and James were each pulled their separate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and your comments are always so appreciated :) 
> 
> I'm curious... if anyone is reading Raindrops without having read Snowflakes before, please let me know! Are you as confused as Lily is currently?
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone has a lovely New Year!


	5. The Potions Classroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I got a little overexcited and finished this chapter early :)
> 
> Fair warning, this is a bit of an angsty one...

Lily could hear the concerned whispers from her fellow dormmates before she even opened her eyes the next morning. 

_“Did you see how he grabbed her neck?”_

_“I know the boys want to keep it hushed, but someone should tell McGonagall.”_

_“I’ve never seen James act like that before.”_

_“Did anyone else see that they were actually getting along last night, though?”_

_“I swear they were holding hands before everything went down!”_

_“Shhh- I think she’s waking up.”_

When her eyes fluttered open, Lily saw Mary crossing the room to greet her. “Lily, how are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” she muttered, noting the awkward silence that fell over the room. Marlene, Elizabeth, and Danielle sat together on Marlene’s four-poster, their eyes trained on Lily. She grimaced, partly from the unwanted attention and partly from the dull headache building in her temple. The Firewhiskey from the night before wasn’t doing her any favors.

“It’s kind of late,” said Marlene, gingerly, “but we didn’t want to go down to breakfast without you.”

Lily turned over and groaned into her pillow.

“Or… we could always bring you up some toast and sausage?” Danielle suggested.

Lily finally sat up, but kept her face buried in her hands. “Please,” she sighed, “that would be great. I don’t think I could bare seeing anyone from last night just yet.”

The girls nodded furiously, as though they were just as embarrassed for Lily as she was feeling herself. That didn’t help. Mary could sense Lily’s tension and quickly smiled at the girls. “I’ll stay here with Lily and keep her company,” she told them, “you lot can get going. Bring me up some of that toast, please!”

Lily shot Mary a thankful smile and watched with relief as the girls made their way out the room. She couldn’t handle being the animal on display at the zoo anymore. Of course, her roommates meant well, but Lily wasn’t used to being the center of attention and the thought of their pity-filled expressions staring her down any longer made her sick. 

“Merlin,” groaned Lily, “I have such a bloody headache.”

Mary leapt to her feet at once to grab Lily a cup and quickly performed _Auguamenti_ before handing her the glass. The water was cool and crisp and gladly welcomed by Lily’s dry throat. “You’re a saint, Mary.”

“Seriously, hun, do you want to talk about what happened last night?” Mary asked, softly. She moved up to sit next to Lily, leaning back against the headboard, her eyes longing for some insight into Lily’s thoughts. 

The weight of Lily’s emotions grew heavy in her chest as she looked back at her friend. There had been so much she had been keeping hidden from everyone she cared about. Maybe it would help to lighten the load, just a little bit.

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” Lily muttered in such a small voice, she barely recognized it, herself. 

Mary’s eyes widened. “Something wrong with _you?”_ she stuttered, caught off guard. “More like something wrong with Potter! I was so furious with him-”

“No,” Lily cut her off, “there’s something wrong with _me_. I mean- I have no clue why Potter snapped, but… it wasn’t malicious. And I keep getting this nagging feeling that what happened to him last night had something to do with me, too.”

Mary shook her head, clearly not buying anything she was saying. 

“Look,” Lily started, “ever since the start of this year, I’ve been getting these dizzy spells. I get numb all over, my chest feels empty, and the world basically melts around me. I don’t know why, but they're triggered by certain things. Well, mostly one thing…”

Lily paused. Her heart pounded in her chest and rang through her ears. She didn’t want to keep going. Didn’t want to tell Mary about James, about how he constantly occupied her thoughts each and every day. How could she admit that even though she _knew_ she couldn’t stand him, she also couldn’t stop her stomach from fluttering and her heart from racing whenever they locked eyes. She was ashamed, but she had been driving herself crazy for too long.

Mary’s brows were raised with anticipation. Lily took a deep breath. 

“It’s James,” said Lily, finally. “Every time he smiles at me, the walls around me disappear and I’m transported into dreams of places I’ve never been. Or sometimes it’s caused by something Sirius says, or a way Remus looks at me, but whenever I’m pulled out of the fog, it’s James I’m looking at or thinking about.”

Mary’s jaw dropped to the floor. “It almost sounds like you’ve been given a love potion,” she said, concern flooding her face. 

Lily straightened up. A love potion. That could make sense! Why hadn’t she thought of it before?

“Mary, you’re a genius!” she shouted, jumping out of her bed and throwing on a sweater.

“Where are you going?” Mary asked, watching Lily frantically search for matching socks and a hair elastic. 

“I have to go to the dungeons,” said Lily, breathlessly. “If this is a love potion, I can put a stop to it right now.” She threw her arms around a shocked Mary, giving her a tight hug, almost giddy at the thought of being rid of the dizzy spells that had plagued her for so long. “Thank you, Mary, you’re a lifesaver, truly.”

Lily was about to head out the door when Mary grabbed onto her wrist. “Lily,” she said quickly, “I hope it _is_ just a love potion, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up. What you described sounds pretty bizarre and maybe… just don’t rule out that you might have caught feelings for James.”

Lily shook her head, almost laughing at her friend’s accusation. “No,” she said, confidently, “it’s definitely just a love potion. It has to be.” 

She gave Mary one last grin before heading out the door. 

Luckily, most students were still off eating breakfast in the Great Hall, giving Lily some time to think as she strode purposefully through the empty corridors and towards the dungeons, her ponytail bouncing back and forth with every step.

 _A love potion. A bloody love potion,_ she thought, her brows furrowed. _It must be a weak one or else I would’ve been drooling all over Potter this whole time… I’m sure he would have preferred that, but he never really excelled at Potions like I had._

Lily came to a full stop right in the middle of the hallway. Did she really think that James had given her a love potion? Potter might be arrogant and entitled, but he was never a cheater. Slipping her a love potion felt like cheating.

 _No,_ Lily thought, shaking her head and continuing her journey to the dungeons, _it has to be a love potion. If it’s not, I have nothing left. And I refuse to admit I may actually fancy-_

She repressed the thought before it could clearly form. Even just thinking _it_ would be too terrifying, hold too much weight. 

As she descended the stairs to the Potions classroom, Lily felt the air become cooler on her cheeks. The dungeons were damp, but familiar. Dark, but safe. The scent of smoke and chemicals filled her nose as she pushed open the heavy wooden door leading to the large room.

Slughorn sat at his desk with a cup of tea and a copy of the Daily Prophet. He jumped at the sound of the door’s hinges. “Miss Evans, my dear!”

“Hi Professor,” said Lily with a smile. She had always gotten along extraordinary well with the Potions Professor, even if he was the head of Slytherin house. Plenty of members of his house hated her, but Slughorn had always praised Lily for her talents and hard work in his class. She drew out her wand and grabbed an old quill from his desk, charming it into a sprig of lavender to give to him. He clapped his hands together and beamed up at her.

“Oh lovely! Well done, thank you!” he exclaimed as he accepted her gift.

“Sir,” said Lily, “would you mind if I used the back room to try out a Pepper-Up potion I was reading up on?”

“Oh of course, my dear,” said Slughorn, “but on one condition. You must promise me you’ll be attending the next Slug Club party on Halloween!”

Lily sighed. She had been avoiding the Slug Club this year. It had always been crawling with Slytherins, but now that she had cut all ties with Severus, they were more volatile than ever. Slughorn seemed to notice her pause. 

“I understand your hesitations, dear,” he said in a grandfatherly manner, dropping his gaze to the floor, “but you know you’re my favourite student and the Slug Club is lacking without your wit and charm. You are, of course, allowed a guest... the event would benefit greatly from a couple Gryffindors in the mix.” He shot her a hopeful smile.

She sighed and took a moment to mull over who she might bring to Slughorn’s party. Mary downright refused to spend any of her social time with Slytherins and Marlene swore off Slug Club events ever since her breakup with that Hufflepuff, Abbot, who never missed an opportunity to schmooze with fellow Purebloods. Maybe she could ask Remus. They had been having a nice time together during their Prefect duties this year and it could be a good excuse to spy on some Slytherins for Professor Prewett.

“Alright,” Lily said, “I’ll come to the party.”

Slughorn did a little jig in response. “Oh, I am so thrilled! Go ahead, your usual spot is available to work at. And my ingredients cupboard is unlocked, as per usual, my dear!”

Lily thanked him again and hurried off towards her usual workstation. 

Wasting no time, she rolled up her sleeves and headed straight for Slughorn’s bookshelf. Thumbing through the textbooks, she nodded as she found the title she had been searching for, _Advanced Antidotes in the Modern World._ She flipped through the thin pages and dog eared the chapter on Love Potions. 

Two quick strides placed her in front of the ingredients cabinet. Potion making was a dance that Lily knew well. The cabinet, housing drawers and glass containers filled with magical ingredients, sang to her as she swung the doors open. In smooth, practiced motions she scooped up a handful of Wiggentree twigs, a vial of castor oil, and a bundle of Gurdyroot. That one sticky drawer didn’t give her any trouble and the faded labels hadn’t intimidated her in years. In no time, Lily was back at her cauldron, ready to begin. 

Thankfully, the Love Potion Antidote was fairly straightforward. Making the Gurdyroot extract proved to be the most time consuming part of the process, but with a few stirs and some time to simmer, the brew was ready in under a half hour. 

With a steady hand, Lily poured the clear liquid into a small jar, but nearly dropped the cauldron when she suddenly felt the presence of another person behind her.

“Who gave it to you?”

Clutching her jar filled with potion in her hands, Lily spun around, coming face to face with Severus Snape. Her eyes narrowed into slits and an angry fire sparked in her chest at the sight of him. 

“He gave you a love potion, didn’t he?” sneered Severus, the corner of his eye twitching.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lily replied, cooly, trying desperately to keep her voice level despite her breathing becoming choppy.

“It was Potter,” he jeered. “Don’t treat me like a fool. Wiggentree twigs and Gurdyroot? You just brewed the Antidote. I _warned_ you about him and those bastards that follow him around.”

“You don’t know anything about him,” she snapped back, suddenly feeling very defensive of Potter. Must be a side effect from the Love Potion…

“But I know everything about you,” he said, venom dripping from every word. 

He took a step closer, his stare icy and filled with rage. It was unrecognizable from the boy she spent all those years with. He had never looked at her in this way before. So angry and hurt. So _pathetic_. A pang of pity and guilt mixed together in Lily’s heart for a moment before he spoke again.

“Or at least I thought I did. The Lily Evans I knew would never run off with Potter for a Summer escapade. She would never stoop so low. So he must have you under a spell.”

Lily gaped at him. “What did you just say?”

“He gave you a Love Potion,” he said, his voice rising, “Just admit it.”

“No, about a Summer escapade. What the hell are you on about?” Her mind was blank but reaching for some bit of sense to hold onto. 

“Don’t play dumb with me, Lily-” He paused, his expression softening for a moment. She could tell he hadn’t meant to use her first name. He clenched his fists. “I have my sources. I know you spent your Summer cozying up with Potter and Black. I couldn’t believe you would do that to _me,_ but look, you haven’t denied it.”

A new flicker of anger lit in her chest that somehow had nothing to do with Severus Snape. Before he could say anything else, she grasped her potion to her chest and blew past him, storming out of the classroom. 

Rage led her up through the castle and by some miracle delivered James Potter to her feet. He was walking towards her from the other end of the corridor leading to the dungeons, staring at the same bit of parchment that Peter had with him the night before. He looked up and saw her storming towards him.

“Evans, there you are,” he called to her, looking worn down and already apologetic.

 _Oh James Potter,_ thought Lily, _you have no idea what’s coming for you._

“You complete arse!” she shouted at him with no thought towards the other students milling about around them. His eyes widened with shock at a reaction he clearly wasn’t expecting.

“Lily,” he said, holding up his hands in an attempt to calm her down, “I know last night was a nightmare, I’m so sorry-”

“Bugger that, Potter!” she retorted. “You’ve been telling people we went on a Summer holiday together?!”

James froze in place, completely flummoxed. 

“You’re impossible!” Lily continued, the fire in her chest threatening to explode. “I could put up with the years of teasing and pranks. I played along with your little running joke of trying to ask me out in absurd ways to amuse your mates. But telling people I spent my Summer break with you _has_ to be a step over the line! When will it end?”

She could tell his head was spinning as he searched her face in disbelief. 

“It wasn’t ever a joke,” he said softly, staring directly into her eyes.

She blushed under the intensity of his gaze, which fueled her exasperation further. 

“Dammit, Potter!” she shouted, gathering her courage and taking a step closer to him. She needed to feel _that way_ towards him again before she took the Antidote. To be certain it would work. “The nerve you have to spread rumours about me while simultaneously keeping me at an arm’s length! I don’t know what you’re playing at!”

“I haven’t been spreading rumours about you!” said James, briefly losing control of his cool while taking his own long strides toward her. They were inches away from each other now. She could feel his warm breath on her face causing her heart to leap into her throat. He leaned down. “Who told you any of this?”

Lily glanced to the side of the corridor where Severus and their fellow classmates ogled at them. When she looked back, James’ lips had parted in outrage and he was glaring daggers at Snape. 

“Hey!” Lily grabbed James’ face, forcing him to look back at her. She nearly lost her train of thought as she became aware of what she had just done. 

His face. In her hands. 

Lily could feel his jaw clench under her palms. She had skewed his glasses, leaving him looking disheveled and she watched as his cheeks flushed under her stare. His hands landed on her shoulders and were making their way to her neck. When his eyes flickered down to her lips, she nearly lost her senses.

And then she actually started losing her senses. The walls melted, as they had been doing so much lately. The sounds of gasps and whispers from the onlookers faded away. Lily knew she had to fight to keep her feet on the ground or who’s to say what she would do next. With James only centimeters from her face, Lily gathered all of her strength and uncorked her potion. 

“Your charm has _not_ finally worked on me, Potter,” she said, bringing the potion to her mouth and pouring it back. It was virtually flavourless. She swallowed hard and waited for the effects, which were supposed to be instantaneous, according to the textbook.

She waited. James watched the empty jar when she brought it down from her lips, his hand still holding her neck, absentmindedly drifting closer to the mysterious scar that had caused so many problems the night before. 

He met her eyes again and whispered, “Lily?” His voice low and hoarse and _irresistible._

_Shit._

The fog moved in around her, thicker than it had ever been. She dropped the jar that once held the antidote, but didn’t even hear when it crashed to the floor. Her hands moved on their own accord, back to James’ face, her fingers traveled up to run through his unruly hair. 

_Shit._

He grew closer and the rest of the world slowly disappeared around her, replaced by a cozy, dark kitchen. Through a frosted window, Lily could see snowflakes drifting down to the earth. James was so close now, their noses were almost touching.

Until a flash of blue light abruptly flung her across the hallway, sending Lily crashing into the stone wall behind her.

When her vision came back into focus, she saw Severus Snape standing across from her with his wand outstretched, face red. James was sprawled out on the other side of the corridor, holding the back of his head, looking completely dazed. With one last searing look, Snape buried his wand in his pocket and took off down the stairs, back to the dungeons. 

Everything in her heart screamed for Lily to get up and go to James. To make sure he was alright. But a wave of dread hit her as she stared at the boy across the hall and she began to drown in the realization of her Antidote’s failure. 

She got to her feet and took off down the hallway, not looking back at James or the crowd that still stood in silence, watching her go.

It was a cowardly move to run away like that, but Lily wasn’t ready to face her undeniable feelings yet. She was racked with frustration and terrified over the feeling of her world dissipating around her while she lost control. This had been the worst of her experiences so far. The dreamlike state scared her and, now more than ever, Lily refused to believe it could be caused by a simple _crush._

Not that she was admitting _that_ could be a possibility. 

So, it wasn’t a Love Potion. And honestly, she could play with the idea that maybe James wasn’t actually at fault for what was happening to her, but he was involved somehow. And Lily was going to find out why.

She barged through the Portrait Hole into the Gryffindor Common Room where Mary sat across from Peter, playing a game of chess. She jumped up from the couch at the sight of Lily.

“How did it go?” she asked. “Did it work?”

“No, it did not!” Lily laughed, despite herself. 

“Oh, hun,” said Mary, trying to look disappointed for her friend, but doing a poor job of masking what seemed to be giddiness.

“But it’s okay,” Lily continued, forcing herself to smile, “because I’m going to find out what’s wrong and I’m going to solve it.”

Mary gaped at her.

“What are you trying to solve?” asked Peter from his armchair.

“Lily,” came Remus’ voice from the boy’s stairwell, “are you okay after last night? Did James manage to find you?”

“Er, yes he did,” said Lily. “And if anyone cares for my wellbeing at all, you’ll keep Potter as far away from me as possible.”

“Fine,” came a hoarse voice from behind her. “If that’s what you want.”

James stood at the entrance of the Portrait Hole, his hands in his pockets, his hair wild, and eyes filled with hurt. He took one last look at Lily and walked straight past her, up the staircase to the boy’s dorms. 

“James,” she whispered as he passed. 

He didn’t hear her. Maybe she didn’t want him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> As always, I love hearing your thoughts :)


	6. The Halloween Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Raindrops!
> 
> I definitely got carried away with this chapter... it's another long one this week :)

The autumn winds blew in with great fury that year and Lily watched them catch falling leaves and dance across the Hogwarts grounds from the comfort of the greenhouses. She spent practically all her time among the plants lately to avoid the onslaught of stares and whispers she faced inside the castle. Her classmates loved to gossip and, to be fair, so did Lily when the conversation wasn’t about her.

After Potter’s dramatic show during the Quidditch celebration, followed by Lily’s outburst in front of the Potions Classroom, the two of them had given the school enough scandal to sustain themselves for months. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead in an attempt to lessen the pulsing of a dull, but persistent headache. It had been bothering her for weeks now, ever since Severus sent the blast at her and James that afternoon in the corridor. The headache was frustrating, but on the other hand, her foggy spells had essentially stopped dead in their tracks. But that was because Potter hadn’t so much as glanced her way ever since she said those horrid things in the Common Room.

Lily’s regret ate at her insides on a daily basis. She never meant for James to overhear her telling their friends to keep him away from her. She didn’t even truly feel that way, the words had just spilled out to Remus before she could stop them. An immature attempt to deflect how she actually felt. They slipped out before she could consider the damage.

Well, the damage was done.

It was for the best, she decided. After all, she  _ hated _ James Potter. Isn’t that what she’d been saying all year? Now he didn’t dare cross her path, wouldn’t dream of catching her eye across a crowded room. Lily was finally back in control, free from the melting walls and fading senses. That’s what she’d wanted all along, right?

She turned to Mary and Marlene who had made themselves comfortable in their little corner of the greenhouse. The girls had been so kind to Lily. Told her to ignore the spreading rumors and promised everything would blow over eventually, but she could sense their disappointment over what had happened between her and James. They had started becoming more comfortable with the boys this year and she suspected her friends quite liked spending time with the Marauders. Lily had thrown a wrench in that budding relationship. They hadn’t seen Peter in the greenhouses since that day and even Remus had been making excuses to carry out their Prefect rounds by himself.

The greenhouses remained warm, even when the seasons changed and nighttime creeped up earlier and earlier as the year reached its own twilight. Lily noticed that stars had started peaking through the wispy dusk clouds and sighed. They would have to head back to Gryffindor Tower soon.

Mary stretched her arms, reaching up over her head, and let out a loud yawn.

“Oh,” said Marlene, looking up from her book, “it’s so late. I hadn’t even noticed how dark it had gotten.”

“Guess we should head back,” said Lily, trying to hide her displeasure.

The three girls shoved their half written essays into their bookbags and made their way back to the castle. Lily breathed in the crisp night air on the walk back, thankful to finally be stretching her legs after another evening of hiding out between rows of plants and gardening tools.

They approached the Fat Lady Portrait just in time to see Lupin stepping out into the corridor. 

“Remus!” called Lily, a little too enthusiastically. “Are you heading out for Rounds?”

“Er, yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his head. 

“I’ll come with you, then,” she said, flashing the most cheerful smile she could manage. 

“You don’t have to, you’re probably busy…”

Lily handed her messenger bag over to Mary and shook her head. “Nonsense. I’m aiming for head girl, you know, and they’ll never give it to a Prefect who slacks off their Rounds.”

Mary and Marlene waved goodbye as they stepped through the Portrait Hole, leaving Lily and Remus alone in the hallway. 

“I wouldn’t have tattled on you,” mumbled Remus, finally looking up to meet her eye.

“I know that, but I actually missed doing Prefect duties with you. Sorry I’ve been a bit missing in action lately…” 

Remus sighed and eventually a warm smile grew across his face. She smiled back and they started walking. 

They made it through most of their night on small talk and friendly joking. After another hour of helping a first year, who had somehow gotten themselves stranded on a high up platform of the moving staircases, Lily felt like their dynamic was almost back to normal.

“I just can’t figure out how he got up there in the first place,” laughed Remus.

“I don’t think we’ll ever know,” Lily sighed, “the poor kid was so quiet, he made Professor Binns seem deafening in comparison.”

They chuckled some more at the expense of the first year while they headed back to the Gryffindor Tower. 

“Hey,” said Lily, gathering up a bit of courage. “I wanted to ask you something. There’s this Slug Club event I have to go to this weekend. It’s a big Halloween party and I know they’re stupid, but I promised Slughorn I’d go…”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up his forehead in what Lily could only describe as a light panic. She grimaced at his response, but it was too late to back out now.

“I guess I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? As friends, of course.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at Remus, keeping her gaze fixed directly ahead, instead.

“Oh, Lily,” Remus started, but she cut him off.

“I thought it might be a good way to mingle with some Slytherins and see if they were getting up to anything suspicious?”

He took a while to respond. “I just don’t know if that’s a good idea for us. James is one of my best friends-”

“This has nothing to do with James!” Lily finally turned to look at him, desperation pouring out in a way that embarrassed her to think about. 

“Look, it’s really not my place to get involved. I just know that it probably wouldn’t be appreciated if I attended a party with you. I’m really sorry.” He smiled at her again, probably trying to soften the blow.

Lily shrugged. “Well, if you change your mind, let me know.”

They walked back the rest of the way in silence and Lily nearly let out an audible sigh of relief when the Fat Lady finally came into view. 

Mary, Marlene, and Peter were sitting around the fireplace, playing a game of Exploding Snap when Remus and Lily stepped through the Portrait Hole. Mary signaled for her to join them on the sofas, but Lily hesitated.

“Sirius and James are stuck in detention tonight,” said Mary, cheerily. Lily rolled her eyes and took that as her cue to reluctantly accompany them, ignoring the less than friendly look Peter shot her way when she took a seat.

The Common Room had mostly emptied out for the night and she reveled in the quiet, watching the game play out and the fire flicker away. Remus picked up a book and Peter teased Marlene for losing a round quite badly and Lily almost felt a sense of normalcy return. Until the Portrait door swung open, revealing two very rowdy boys on the other side. 

“Oh, after you, sir,” said Sirius with an exaggerated posh accent.

“Oh no, dear sir, I insist! After you,” responded James in the same silly voice, bowing low to offer Sirius the right of way through the doorway.

“Why, my good sir, how about we go through together?”

“Oh, what a splendid thought!”

The two linked arms and pranced into the Common Room. Lily noticed they both had matching silver envelopes that they wove through the air like handkerchiefs.

“Padfood! Prongs!” Peter bounced up from his seat and froze like a deer in headlights. He stared directly at Lily as if he were trying to send a subtle message to his friends. 

If Potter and Black were phased to see Lily there, they didn’t show it. James even made a point to glance her way, shrug a shoulder, and continued to throw an arm around Peter.

“Boys,” announced James, a smirk playing on his lips, “Sirius and I have had the greatest honor to be invited to a very Sluggy Halloween party.”

Lily’s already racing heart dropped to her stomach. 

“No way!” squealed Peter. “You’re not telling me Slughorn gave you an invite during your detention?”

“Guess he appreciated our cauldron scrubbing technique,” shrugged Sirius.

“Don’t worry, Pete,” said James, ruffling his friend’s hair, “you can be my plus one.”

“Hey McDonald,” Sirius said in a low, flirtatious voice, “what do you say. You, me-”

“In your dreams, Black,” she shot back without even looking his way.

Lily heard the sound of a book sharply closing and glanced towards Remus, who kept his gaze locked on Sirius.

“Alright then… Oi, Hoffman!” he barked. Danielle had been tucked away in a corner, studying a textbook, and shot up at the sound of her name. “Wanna come to Slughorn’s party with me? Saturday night?”

“Oh, sure!” she giggled in response.

Lily didn’t take her eyes off of Remus, who’s face twitched for a moment before quickly relaxing.

“You know what, Lily,” said Remus suddenly, still focused on Sirius, “I’ve changed my mind. I think I  _ will _ attend Slughorn’s party with you.” He finally turned to look at her with a pleasant smile, his eyes calm, but empty. 

“Oh,” she said, her voice catching slightly in her throat. “Er, that’s great.”

He reached out and gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze before standing and heading up the stairs to the boy’s dormitory. Sirius stood frozen in place behind the couch. James, who may have seemed rather composed earlier, now looked on the verge of angry tears. He stared at Lily in disbelief before eventually storming off to follow Remus up the staircase.

Sirius and Peter trailed James close behind, leaving the girls alone around the fire.

“What was that all about?” asked Marlene, eyes round as saucers.

“I couldn’t tell you,” Lily responded. She could barely hear herself think over her own heartbeat thudding in her ears. 

Slughorn’s Halloween party couldn’t come soon enough.

Tensions ran high in the Gryffindor Tower those days leading up to the event, although no one directly involved dared utter a word about it. They carried about their days, pretending as though Remus  _ hadn’t _ been dramatically isolated by the rest of the Marauders and forced to hide out with Lily, Mary, and Marlene in the greenhouses. 

Of course, the already bustling gossip surrounding Lily and James’ recent public ordeal only grew stronger with the addition of Remus Lupin. After all those years of James Potter publicly pursuing Lily Evans, for one of his best mates to take her as a date to a Slug Club party? Oh, the drama! 

“How do I look?” Lily asked Mary with a little twirl, careful to avoid numerous discarded dresses strewn across the dorm’s floorboards.

“You look gorgeous,” said Mary with some hesitation, “but who exactly are you trying to impress?”

Lily opened and shut her mouth in silent outrage. “Remus and I are just going as friends!”

“You’ve mentioned that about fifty times already today.” Mary cocked an eyebrow. 

Lily huffed. “So I don’t understand your question.”

“It’s a beautiful dress, Lily,” said Mary. “You’re sure to be turning heads tonight.” She hopped to her feet before Lily could argue anymore and linked arms, leading Lily to the stairs. “Now let’s send you off with your hot date.”

Remus, sporting a clean set of dress robes, stood leaning against the entrance to the Common Room, waiting for Lily. He waved once he saw her and attempted a natural looking smile. 

“Hi Remus,” she said, trying to keep the anxiety from wavering her voice.

“You look, lovely,” he responded, somewhat stiffly.

“Well, you kids have fun tonight!” said Mary, ushering them through the Portrait Hole and closing the Fat Lady shut behind them. 

They shared some nervous chuckles together, alone in the hallway. Remus offered his arm, which she accepted, and they began walking down the corridor in silence for a few steps before Lily couldn’t bear the awkwardness any longer. 

“This is weird, isn’t it?” she asked, flatly.

“Yes, super weird.” Remus’ shoulders immediately relaxed and they both moved to link arms in a less formal sense.

“Let’s just treat tonight like our Prefect Rounds,” Lily suggested. “We’ll have a laugh, walk around a bit, and keep an eye out for future Death Eaters.”

Remus laughed and Lily’s spirits soared. He had been extremely gloomy ever since his blow-up with the Marauders and she couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible. She pushed those thoughts away for now though and focused on trying to have an enjoyable time at the party.  _ At least until Black, Pettigrew, and Potter show up. _

Slughorn had really outdone himself this year. He had secured the courtyard for the event, decorated with Hargrid’s mammoth pumpkins and bumpy gourds. Heating charms had been implemented for the guests’ comfort and long banquet tables offered an array of every sweet and refreshment Lily could hope for. She snagged a cauldron cake before marveling at the jars of blue flames floating above her head. Of course, beyond the flames stretched the brilliant night sky, swirling with constellations and winking planets. The Great Hall’s ceiling was a marvel, but Lily reckoned nothing compared to the real thing. 

“Shall we start spying on some Slytherins?” suggested Lily in a low voice. 

Remus smirked before flagging down a house elf carrying a silver platter full of sparkling glasses. He took two beverages from the tray, handed one to Lily, and breathed in the night air. “I think we could at least try to enjoy ourselves, first. What do you say?”

“I guess that couldn’t hurt,” said Lily, slowly. “Now that you mention it, I spotted Damocles Belby, you know, the renowned potioneer, over by the fountain… I wouldn’t mind introducing myself.”

“Okay,” he laughed, “we can start with Belby.”

A small group had already formed around Damocles, listening to him explain the hoops he jumped through to get subject testing approval for his latest experimental Potion. Lily recognized Dorcas Meadows, a seventh year Prefect in Ravenclaw, and shot her a friendly smile.

_ “What’s he talking about?” _ she whispered to Dorcas, pulling Remus beside her as she tried to get a view of the speaker over the crowd.

_ “New symptoms potion,” _ she replied,  _ “called it Wolfsbane, I think.” _

The Ministry can be such a pain with all their procedures,” Bilby’s voice traveled across the students, “but I believe after the most recent string of attacks out in the countryside, they’ll be moving up my trials in no time.”

A young Slytherin in the front spoke up. “So, you think it’ll put an end to werewolf attacks?”

Lily felt Remus tense beside her, but she didn’t dare make any indication that she noticed.

“No, no, although that is the goal,” responded Bilby. “My work is focused more on easing the transformation and masking the symptoms for those afflicted with Lycanthropy.”

A wave of hushed murmurs washed through the students.

“So you’re trying to help the monsters?” shouted a Slytherin towards the middle of the group.

Lily quickly finished the rest of her drink, cleared her throat, and casually turned to Remus. “I need another drink, want to come with me?”

His weary eyes thanked her as he shrugged and followed her away from the crowd.

“They’re a bunch of gits,” she whispered once they were out of range, “but that Wolfsbane potion sounds like it could be a good thing?”

“Yeah,” said Remus, deep in thought. “Don’t want to get my hopes up, though.”

She nodded and put an arm around him in a friendly hug.

“Oh Miss Evans!” bellowed Professor Slughorn from the dessert table. He grabbed a handful of treacle tarts before scurrying over to greet her. “So pleased to see you, dear. Did you have a chance to meet Mr. Bilby? Talented man… one of my best students back in the day. And Mr. Lupin! It’s a pleasure, my boy.”

“It’s a perfect night, Professor,” Lily responded. “I don’t know how you managed to clear every cloud from the sky.”

“My dear,” Slughorn chuckled, “you are too kind!”

Lily turned to bring Remus into the conversation, but his eyes were locked on something across the room. The Marauders had arrived. Slughorn followed their gaze and belted out, “Oh ho! Look at this pack of lions, what a party this is turning into.” With a pleasant smile, the Professor walked off to mingle with more guests, leaving Lily and Remus standing frozen and slack-jawed in the middle of the courtyard.

“What should we do?” Lily muttered, her heart steadily picking up its pace.

“We act cool and pretend like we can’t even see them,” Remus replied as he grabbed Lily’s arm and dragged her towards a group of Hufflepuffs mingling by the punch bowl. There was a pillar near the refreshment table that they ducked behind.

“I don’t think hiding from them looks very cool,” said Lily and Remus elbowed her in response. He pulled out his wand, directed it towards her, and with a flash, a navy blue ascot appeared out of thin air, tying itself around her neck. With another wave, a matching scarf secured itself around his own. 

Lily looked up at him in confusion.

“What is  _ this _ supposed to be for?” she laughed, motioning to their new accessories.

“Oh Merlin,” he groaned, his head in his hands, “I don’t know, I thought they’d make us look cool.”

“ _ Ascots _ ?!”

“My mum kept talking about how nice she thought they looked over Summer break…”

“So your  _ cool _ fashion advice is coming from your  _ mum _ ?”

From a distance, Lily could hear the sounds of a violin starting to play, followed by a cello. She and Remus whipped around their protective column to see a beautiful string quartet made up of Woodland Elves, their enchanted music singing through the courtyard and calling on its guests to dance. Lily spotted Sirius offer a hand to Danielle and James gave an exaggerated bow to Peter before dragging him forcefully to the dancefloor. 

“We should dance,” said Remus suddenly, an edge of determination in his voice. 

“Are you bloody mad?” Lily whipped around, eyes wide.

“Come on.” Remus took her by the arm and led Lily out from behind their hiding place towards the middle of the courtyard.

“Wait!” Lily squealed and Remus came to a halt. “Give me your scarf, we’ll look absurd if we go out there matching.”

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his laugh as he untied the ascot and threw it to Lily. With a little creativity, she fashioned it into a headband before reaching out to grab Remus’ outstretched hand. 

They walked out shakily together. Lily tried to hold her head high, but it was clear people were staring as Remus’ hand rested on her back and hers landed on his shoulder. 

_ “He’s really rubbing it into Potter,” _ someone whispered in the crowd. Lily took a deep breath and held it. 

“Ignore that,” said Remus as he navigated them around the other couples. He was a little clunky on his feet, but knew the steps well enough, despite being clearly distracted. When Lily tried following his eyeline, she wasn’t surprised to see his attention was glued to the rest of the Marauders.

“Remus,” she started, but he cut her off with an unexpected spin. In a few calculated strides, he led them straight into the inferno, directly towards the other boys (and Danielle). Lily cursed under her breath, wondering what in Merlin’s name Remus was thinking. 

Sirius was the first to notice them and sent a truly nasty scowl in their direction. 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” he scoffed towards James, who’s attempt at looking unbothered was undermined by the fact he couldn’t keep his hand from shooting up to mess with his hair. 

“Lupin. Evans,” said James, cooly, doing everything in his power to avoid making eye contact. 

The guilt crashed down on Lily like a waterfall, just as powerful and gut-wrenching as it had been the day of their argument in the corridor.

“James, I never-” started Remus, but he was cut off by a smooth, posh voice.

“What are  _ you _ doing here, Sirius?” said Regulus Black, his pristine dress robes billowing around him. “I’d assume these kinds of events are a bit too elegant for your… common tastes.”

“Oh Reggie,” said Sirius, “how I missed you and your teasing.”

“You wouldn’t have to miss me if you hadn’t ran away like a  _ coward.”  _ Regulus glared at his older brother, more hurt than anger welling up in his grey eyes, so similar to Sirius’. 

Lily tried to piece the confrontation together in her mind. Had Sirius run away from home? For some reason, that didn’t feel like new information. Had someone mentioned it before?

“Did mummy send you to guilt me back to Grimuald place, then?” spit Sirius, his voice rising now and drawing a bit of attention from the couples dancing around the scene.

“Of course she didn’t send me, she  _ hates _ you,” said Regulus, his eyes turned to slits. 

At that comment, Sirius broke, lunging at his little brother. 

James shot into action, grabbing his wand, but Remus was faster. He moved swiftly in between the siblings to break up the squabble. Sirius fought back, but Remus had a hold on his shoulders. 

“Padfoot,” pleaded Remus, “don’t let him get to you.”

“Gr’off me,” roared Sirius, breaking Remus’ grip. “I didn’t ask for your help, Lupin. This isn’t  _ fair.” _

Remus’ expression turned dark. “Fair?” he repeated back, before shaking his head in disbelief and storming out of the courtyard, exiting the party. 

Filled with confusion, Lily watched as Remus turned a corner, leaving her stranded with a glowering Sirius, a trembling Peter, and an exasperated James. She looked at the boys, sent an apologetic look towards a flummoxed Danielle, and turned to chase after Remus. She headed off with such determination, she barely noticed her headband scarf fly out of her hair. 

She found him bent over, his face in his hands, sitting on a bench in the corridor just outside the courtyard. Tentatively, she took a seat next to him and reached out to touch his arm.

“Remus?” she asked softly. “Are you okay?”

He responded with an unintelligible groan from behind his palms. 

“Look,” said Lily, feeling her heart tighten at the sight of him so defeated, “this is all my fault and I’m so sorry.” He looked up at her as if to rebuke her, but she ignored him. “I shouldn’t have asked you in the first place. I wasn’t even thinking about how it would affect your friendship with James, which is so selfish of me.”

“Lily, please, it’s not-”

“No,” she continued, “I know those boys are like your brothers. And I understand that you were mad at James for inviting Peter and not you to the party- I mean, we both know Sirius was going to pick some random girl- but I think your friendship with James is more important and I don’t want to get in between that!”

It felt good to get those feelings off her chest, but Remus looked almost more hurt than before she had started speaking.

“That’s not why I’m upset,” he said, quietly.

Lily was slightly stunned. She tried to read his expression, but his eyes were blank again. “Then what’s wrong, Remus? I’m your friend, you can tell me anything.”

“Lily,” he said plainly, “I don’t think that’s the kind of friends we are.”

His hands were still by his sides, so why did it feel as though she had just been slapped in the face?

“I- I don’t know what-” she stuttered, her words getting muddled and stuck in her throat.

“You don’t exactly share any of your feelings with me either, Lily,” he pointed out, his features softening a bit, trying to make up for the harsh words. “We’re mates, we get along, we have a laugh, but you haven’t told me anything about what happened between you and James or why you’ve been acting a bit…  _ off _ this year.”

An accusational note in his delivery made Lily feel as though he knew more than he let on. Maybe more than even she knew. But the thought of telling Remus about how she felt towards James, about the dizzy spells and loss of control, made her chest hurt and mouth dry. He was too close to Potter to keep her secret. She looked away, towards her feet. 

“Yeah, I guess that isn’t the kind of friendship we have then,” she said. He was silent beside her. That wasn’t the answer he was hoping for, but it was the only one she was willing to give. 

“Moony!” called a voice, from down the hall. 

Lily turned her head to see James Potter approaching, eyes desperate and hair a mess.

“What’s going on Moony?” he asked, only caught off guard for a brief moment when he noticed Lily sitting beside him on the bench. “Sirius won't talk to me and Pete’s obviously useless here. I know I reacted, er,  _ unfavorably _ about some things lately,” his eyes noticeably shifted to Lily and back again, “but I can’t stand when we’re all arguing with each other. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” said Remus. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

James quirked a brow at that statement, but brushed it aside in favor of being on good terms again with his friend. “Well, that’s great then,” he beamed, setting off a flurry of butterflies in Lily’s stomach. “Why don’t we go find Padfoot and Wormy and call it a night then?”

“Sorry,” said Remus, standing up, “I think I just need some more time to myself.” And with that, he walked off down the corridor, alone. 

James fell back onto the bench where Remus had been seated as though his legs just couldn’t hold him up any longer. His eyes flickered over to Lily, almost apologetically. The painful energy of their last meaningful interaction pulsed between them as Lily tried to make up her mind if she was going to speak first. 

“I’m sorry,” she finally spoke in a small voice. James’ mouth fell open to reply, but he didn’t respond. “I feel terrible about what I said in the common room. You didn’t deserve that.”

Both his hands shot to his hair. “Er thanks, Evans,” he replied and Lily could see, out of the corner of her eye, a blush creeping on his cheeks under the moonlight. They sat in silence for a moment and even though Lily kept her focus on the grounds in front of her, she could still feel James’ stare.

“This year has been different,” she spoke slowly, considering every word. “You’ve been different.”

“I’ve been- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” James stuttered, trying to regain his composure, but clearly fumbling over how his face should look. 

“You’ve been distant,” she pointed out.

“We’ve never been that close,” he refuted. 

“You haven’t even tried asking me out this year!”

“You told the whole Common Room you wanted me as far away from you as possible!”

“When has that ever stopped you before?!”

They were face to face now and Lily could feel her heart racing as they stared each other down, daring the other to take the argument a step further. This was the James Potter she had known all these years. A bit too combative, quick with a retort, and more than pleased to partake in some good bickering. This was the James Potter that she, dare she say it, missed.

His eyes blazed, recognizing the old spark of chemistry that had been absent between them since the start of the year. A chemistry that Lily never would have noticed had it not been kept away from her those last few months. A lopsided grin spread across James’ face and Lily let out a chuckle despite herself. 

But then, of course, she felt that hollowness consume her chest as her surroundings faded away, leaving her lost in unfamiliar territory. She was still seated, that much Lily knew, but it seemed as though she was flying far above the earth and she could see evergreen trees littering the snowy grounds below. And when she turned, James was still by her side.

“Would you jump off here?” he asked, a playful grin on his lips.

“It’s definitely close enough to the ground, but there’s a chance of hitting that tree,” she responded as though that was a perfectly normal question to be asked. 

“What did you say?” asked James, but at the sound of his voice, she instantly found herself back on the bench in the corridor. 

“I was just responding to your question,” she said, feeling flustered and a bit out of breath. 

“I didn’t ask you a question,” he said, all of his concentration aimed at Lily. 

“Yes you did,” she said, laughing now at his ridiculousness. “You asked if I would jump off here!”

His jaw dropped. “Jump off… where?” he said tentatively, as if he were almost scared to ask.

Lily’s mind began spinning as she tried to make sense of his question. She focused hard on the dream state she had just found herself in.

“Over the snow,” she said, finally.

Lily didn’t think that would be enough of an answer, it barely made sense to her, but James’ face lit up with what she could only describe as hope. 

“Over the snow,” he repeated, barely able to contain his glee. “Can you remember anything else? Can you still see the snow?”

His questions overwhelmed her, but she tried to keep up. “I really don’t know anything else, I just saw it for a moment. I swear you were right there next to me.”

“I was- I mean- I am.” He took a deep breath and rustled his hair again, this time with more gusto. “Okay Evans, I think you were right.”

“Oh, I was  _ right?” _ Lily responded with mock amazement.

“Things have been different between us this year and I want to rectify that.” His feet tapped on the stone ground with excited energy.

“And how will you manage to do that,” she asked slyly, egging him on and secretly thrilled over the ease of the banter. 

“What do you say, Evans, will you go out with me?”

The question, though she was expecting it, knocked the breath out of her lungs. But she pushed that reaction to the side and focused on her desperation for some kind of normalcy. 

“I’d rather date the Giant Squid,” she replied with a grin, hoping he wouldn’t notice it falter. 

If she had blinked, Lily would have missed the flash of disappointment in James’ eyes before he matched her smile and stood up from the bench, offering her his hand. She took it, letting him help her up, and the contact made her blush as she remembered his warm, rough hands on her neck that night of the Quidditch party. They stayed connected like that a bit longer than necessary as they started walking back to Gryffindor Common room, only releasing from each other’s grasp once they walked out of the moonlight and back into the castle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Hope everyone's enjoying the snow, if you got some where you live :)


	7. The Birthday Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we have a hidden swimming pool?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to write a fluffy chapter this week, but the plot just kept seeping in...
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

“Potter, you’ve eaten all the muffins!” Lily protested. However, as soon as she said it, the empty bread basket refilled itself. “You’re overworking those poor house elves.”

“Oh Evans,” replied James with flashing eyes and a mouth half full of pastries, “if you’re looking for some bread, all you have to do is ask! You know I’m more than happy to share my buns with you…”

A collection of groans traveled around the breakfast table.

“Merlin, I miss when they weren’t on speaking terms,” muttered Mary.

“Shove off, Potter,” said Lily, hiding her smile in a cup of tea.

“Alright, alright,” said Sirius, “no more bickering on my birthday, please.”

“Pads,” said James, his mouth still half full of bread, “we’ve already sung to you twice this morning, what more could you want?”

“For you all to worship the ground I walk on?” Sirius huffed.

Remus, from down the table, scoffed loudly. Despite being accepted back into the Marauders after the Halloween Party, Lily noticed a persistent tension between Remus and Sirius. Subtle glares sent back and forth, short exchanges, and cold silences between the two. Whatever had happened when Remus stepped in between the Black brothers at Slughorn’s event must have been significant.

Sirius ignored Remus’ jeer and went back to discussing his birthday. “I don’t think it’s too much to ask to be appreciated on your  _ seventeenth _ birthday.”

“You’ll be appreciated later tonight when we celebrate,” said Peter, scribbling furiously in an attempt to finish his Charms essay before class started. 

“What’s happening later tonight?” asked Mary, eyebrows raised.

“Nothing!” squealed Peter, suddenly looking alarmed. 

“I think we should invite the girls,” said Remus, trying to look casual, but Lily noticed his eyes dodging to Sirius, trying to read his reaction. 

Sirius seemed to consider the suggestion for a moment. “It could be fun to invite the girls… but I don’t know if I trust Evans.”

Lily’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?” she said, clearly offended.

“What we’re doing tonight is  _ outside _ the boundaries of the rules. And you’re a Prefect, Evans!” Sirius shot back.

“So is Moony,” James pointed out.

“But Moony breaks rules,” Peter chimed in. 

“I break rules!” said Lily, trying to defend herself. “I helped sneak Firewhisky from the kitchens for the Quidditch party.”

“Good point, Evans,” said Sirius, a sneaking grin spreading on his face. “Then I’d like to formally invite you, Mary, and Marlene to my birthday party tonight.”

The girls exchanged excited looks. Lily smirked at her friends, trying to wrap her head around the fact that she was looking forward to celebrating  _ Sirius Black’s _ birthday. The thought would have made her repulsed just a year ago. Sometimes it amazed her how easily she got along with the Marauders away from Severus’ influence….

A flurry of flapping wings and screeches interrupted her thoughts and the students turned their attention to the morning’s owl post. Lily strained her neck searching for her little Pygmy Owl, Pepper, among the flock

“You expecting something, Lily?” asked Marlene.

“Mmm,” Lily responded, “I sent a letter ages ago to my friend, Cassie, from back home.”

“Ah, Cassie!” Sirius butted into the conversation. “Did you send her my love?”

That hollow feeling started spreading in Lily’s chest. “I told you before, Black,” she said, trying to steady her breaths, “you don’t know Cassie. She’s my  _ Muggle _ friend from back home.”

“And I told you,” Sirius said with a hard stare, “I do know Cassie. You know that Evans, just try and remember-”

“Sirius,” James interjected, sternly. “Stop it.” There was a sincere tone in his voice that caught Sirius off guard. But it was too late for Lily.

The Great Hall melted away, leaving Lily sitting around a circular table in the middle of a dining hall. The yellowish light shining down had the flickering quality of Muggle electricity. Large windows provided a view of a beautiful mountain range spreading across the horizon, boasting a delicate sunset. 

Sirius still sat a few seats down, looking pointedly in her direction. James was next to her, his mouth a thin, frustrated line. 

“So, what school do you guys go to?” came a voice from beside Sirius. Cassie had appeared across the table from Lily, her blonde bangs falling into her big brown eyes and her mouth crooked and questioning. Seeing her old friend was shocking, but felt appropriate. 

“We go to Hogwarts,” Lily found herself saying, “it’s a school for the fine arts.”

Another figure appeared next to Cassie, a second Muggle friend from Lily’s primary school. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize you went to an art school!” said Jill, her tight spiral curls bouncing around her glowing copper cheeks. 

“Neither did I,” James mumbled.

“Oh yes,” Lily continued, “I’ve been studying painting for about two years now. Sirius over here does theater. That’s where he got that outfit he’s wearing.”

“What outfit?” cut in Marlene and Lily fell back into reality so suddenly she felt the air get sucked out of her lungs. The other sixth year Gryffindors stared at her as though she were a ghost. 

“Cassie?” Lily breathed, searching for her friend. “Jill?” The two girls had just been sitting with her. Where had they gone? In her search for her friends, Lily’s eyes landed on James and Sirius, who looked at each other in disbelief. 

“It looks like Cassie hasn’t written you back yet, hun,” said Mary, looking suspiciously around the table. “And I don’t remember you writing to Jill?”

“No, you’re right, of course,” said Lily, still flustered from how deep into the dream state she had fallen into. It had felt so real. This was the second time she had actually spoken out loud. 

But what had triggered this foggy spell? James had been the last to speak before she really lost control, but it was what Sirius had said about Cassie that first made her chest feel so empty. Lily felt a glimmer of hope that Potter wasn’t the driving force behind whatever was happening to her head. 

“We should be heading to Charms,” Marlene pointed out. 

Lily nodded along with the rest of the group and gathered her things. As a precaution, she distanced herself from James and Sirius on the walk to Professor Flitwick’s classroom to avoid any more chest tightness. Mary happily pulled her forward to walk ahead of the rest.

“Was that one of those dizzy spells that you had back there?” Mary whispered.

Lily sighed. She really didn’t want to talk about what had just happened, especially before she was able to think more about it, but she always found it difficult to resist Mary’s desire to help. “Yeah, it was,” she replied, pinching the bridge of her nose to stave off an oncoming headache. 

“Do you usually speak during them?”

“No,” said Lily, “it’s only happened once before. At Slughorn’s Halloween party, actually.” Mary’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “Potter asked me a question in the dream, but I responded in real life. It’s confusing. The places where I go when I drift off have been becoming more and more realistic.” She trailed off, not sure if she could say anymore and Mary nodded, giving her space. 

In reality, Lily was worried that one day she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the dream state and her real world.

Luckily, they had reached the Charms classroom, so Lily had an excuse to end the conversation there. Professor Flitwick had an exciting lesson on Extinguishing spells that kept all the sixth years on their toes. They were split into pairs and assigned to duel only using  _ Incendio  _ to practice putting out fires in a battle situation. After half an hour, the room stank of smoke, ash, and singed eyebrows. 

Lily and Marlene had been partnered and found themselves pretty evenly matched. Marlene always stuck to the book and had a firm grasp on the technical side of magic. Every spell she cast with precision and perfect form, but that made her predictable. Lily preferred to think on her toes. She never thought much during duels, instead relying on instinct, which ended up giving her the upper hand in the end.

“Sorry about your robes, Marlene,” Lily grimaced, but her friend laughed it off.

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied, examining the scorched hole on her sleeve. “We both know I never had a shot against you.”

“Don’t say that!” Lily protested. Marlene’s skills were well-practiced, but lacked confidence. “If you were paired with Mary, you would've smoked her.”

They turned to look at Mary, lazily brushing ash out of her hair. She hated dueling and had barely sent more than a spark towards Peter the entire lesson.

“Alright sixth years,” announced Professor Flitwick from his podium, “go ahead and rotate partners one to the left! We should be able to get one more practice duel in before the end of the lesson.”

Lily waved goodbye to Marlene, who left to partner up with a concerned Peter and turned back to her new opponent. “Potter,” she greeted.

“Evans,” replied James, unable to hide his smirk. “Sorry in advance for how utterly I’m going to destroy you in this duel.”

Lily chuckled. “Oh, Potter, whatever will you do once I scorch all that unruly hair off your overinflated head?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he gasped in mock horror. 

When Flitwick blew his whistle, She immediately aimed for James’ feet. Still preoccupied with his hair, he barely jumped out of the way in time and ended up dancing amidst the flickering embers of Lily’s charm. James met her gaze with a grin. “Alright, Evans, I see what you did th-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Lily sent another burst of flames directly at his face. At the last moment, he managed to shout the Extinction charm, but Lily smirked as the smell of burning hair wafted across the room. James let out a shocked laugh and raised his wand with a delighted glint in his eye. With a slashing movement, puffs of smokey fireballs hurled towards Lily in quick succession. James’ precision from years of playing Quidditch didn’t give her any room to dodge the blasts, so instead, she stood her ground and focused on smothering as many flames as each defensive charm could reach. She even managed to cast a few Incendios at his ankles in the process.

They both paused for a moment, breathing heavily, before sending matching Incendio charms directly towards each other. The flames met in the middle and caused a quick blast, knocking both James and Lily off their feet. 

“Oh my!” squealed Flitwick, hopping down from his podium to snuff out the residual flames from the blast. “Seems we have quite an evenly matched pair over here.”

James jumped to his feet and strutted over to Lily with his hand outstretched, his grin from earlier still plastered on his face. “You’re quite a good shot, Evans.”

She eyed his hand and eventually took it, letting him help her up, his firm grip coated in ash. “You’re not so bad yourself, Potter. I’d say you’ve got some potential.”

“Potential, eh?”

“Sure,” she said, brushing embers from the front of the robes, “once you get yourself cleaned up a bit. You’ve got soot smudged over half your face.”

“So do you,” he responded, reaching out to playfully brush the tip of her nose with his thumb. She prayed there was enough ash left on her face to hide the flush growing on her cheeks. “Good thing we’ll be doing some late-night swimming for Padfoot’s birthday extravaganza tonight.”

“Late night swimming?” asked Lily, sure she hadn’t heard correctly. “It’s a bit cold for going to the Lake, isn’t it?”

“Who said anything about the Lake?” James beamed before turning on his heel to gather his bookbag. “Meet us in our dorm at ten. And don’t forget to wear your swimming costume,” he added with one last gleaming smile.

That night, Lily, Mary, and Marlene shifted uncomfortably on the Common Room couches, trying to conceal their swimwear under their uniforms. They had changed earlier in the evening before Danielle and Elizabeth turned in for the night. Now, they waited around the fire, keeping an eye on the clock, and hoping the last stragglers would make their way back to their beds. It would be far too suspicious to just walk up to the boy’s dormitories and they needed to keep a low profile. 

Finally, the last third year left studying in the corner gathered her belongings, and wandered off to the girls’ staircase. At once, Lily and the girls exchanged nods and stood up, making their way to the opposite archway. She let out a chuckle as they approached the Marauder’s door, marked with a small plaque placed with a sticking charm that read “Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.”

The door swung open before they even needed to knock.

“Welcome!” said Sirius with a mischievous light in his eyes as he ushered them into the room. The boy’s dorm perfectly mirrored the girls’ quarters, but with one less bed and significantly more clutter. Boxes of Zonko’s products lined the floorboards and a workbench had been fashioned out of their trunks. On the makeshift desk, Lily saw the piece of parchment that Peter used to navigate the halls. She leaned in when she noticed the ink on the paper start moving, but Reums stood in front of her before getting a proper look. 

“Ready for a late-night swim?” asked Remus, glancing around to the three girls. 

“Sure,” Mary replied, “but someone needs to explain where Dumbledore’s been hiding a swimming pool.”

“We’re not going to a swimming pool,” said James casually, pulling a silvery fabric from his wardrobe.

“We’re going to the Prefect’s bathroom,” Sirius announced with pride. 

Lily’s jaw dropped. “That’s genius,” she said, despite herself. “But how will we get there?”

James jumped into Captain mode and stepped up onto a pile of books, giddy to address the group. “That’s a great question, Evans, five points for Gryffindor.” She rolled her eyes and waited for him to continue. “Evans and Moony, you’re both Prefects, so you’ll use your after-hours privileges to head to the bathroom and make sure the coast is clear. Then I’ll smuggle the rest of the group in with the password, which I of course know because I’m the Quidditch Captain.”

“How could we ever forget?” said Remus, pushing James off the precarious stack of books. 

“But how will you sneak all of us to the fifth floor?” asked Mary.

“With this,” said James, holding out the silvery fabric and throwing it over his head. He disappeared immediately. 

“No way,” said Lily, striding over to where James had stood just moments before. She reached out her hand and came in contact with the fabric that felt more like water than cloth in her hands. With a tug, the cloak slipped off and James stood before her again, looking down on Lily with a crooked smile. 

“Ready to go?”

  
  
  


Lily and Remus walked as casually as they could down the corridor. Her Prefect badge seemed extra reflective because it kept catching her eye and filling her with a jittery, guilty ache. Maybe she wasn’t as good at breaking the rules as she thought. 

“You both can go ahead and talk about me as though I weren’t here,” came James’ disembodied voice from under the invisibility cloak. “Feel free to sing my praises as you normally would.”

“Potter’s quite a tosser, isn’t he?” said Lily and Remus laughed. 

“A right git, if you ask me,” he responded before being shoved into the wall by an unseeable force. “Oi, bugger off, Prongs!”

“Shhh,” said James, “you’re so bloody loud, you’re going to get us caught.”

“Nah, we’re almost there,” Remus pointed out as they passed the statue of Boris the Bewildered. “Pumpernickel.”

An old wood and metal door swung open to reveal the giant Prefect’s bathroom. Lily didn’t use the bathroom often because it honestly intimidated her. The walls and floor were crafted with white marble and lit by an elegant candle chandelier. The room felt impossibly clean, and Lily marveled at the way the walls glowed in the light of the flickering flames. Of course, the most impressive feature was the giant sunken tub, complete with a diving board and special bubble taps lining the exterior. 

“It’s gorgeous in here at night,” said Lily in awe.

“Well, you two better get the bubbles flowing,” said James’ floating head, “I’m off to collect the rest of the party guests!”

Lily got to work filling the bathtub with bubbles and deliciously warm water, while Remus cast a handful of silencing charms around the door. In no time, the steamy air smelled of wildflowers, honey, and a hint of vanilla. 

“Oh Merlin,” gasped Marlene when she threw off the invisibility cloak upon arrival, “this is the best idea you lads have ever had.”

“Only the best for our Padfoot,” said Peter, sticking a toe in the water before jumping into the pool-sized bath.

“If it’s supposed to be the best, I’d have thought there might be a few more bikinis in the mix,” Sirius replied with a smirk. Remus let out another very audible scoff before dunking his head under the water.

“Wow, Black.” Lily shot a glare in his direction. “Clearly turning seventeen has done wonders for your maturity.” She looked down at her own simple one piece and felt confident in her decision to keep her two pieces locked away in her trunk. Mary didn’t seem to mind the crass comment though and happily adjusted her trendy Muggle costume. 

Peter and Remus also chose a more modest look, wearing a polo and cotton vest respectively on top of their trunks. Of course, James and Sirius happily ripped off their shirts to go topless, a decision that Lily wished didn’t make her so flustered. 

The water felt like a warm hug when Lily jumped in from the diving board. The ever-growing suds made mountains around her friends and floated above their heads. Remus fashioned the bubbles into a long, white beard and performed his best Dumbledore impression to thunderous laughter that echoed around the lofty room. 

In between canon-ball competitions and multiple rounds of singing birthday songs, Lily found herself treading water with Mary, James, and Remus in the deep end of the bath. 

“We’re just asking how long you think you can hold your breath for,” Lily said to James, whose glasses were foggy and covered in water droplets, but still remarkably managed to stay on his face.

“And I’m arguing that wizards don’t need to worry about such things when we can just perform a Bubble-Head charm!” laughed James. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and Lily noted how different he looked with his fringe sticking to his forehead. Her heart felt weightless and she wished she hadn’t already ruled out the love potion theory.

“It sounds like you’re worried you might lose a breath-holding contest,” teased Lily and that changed James’ attitude. 

“Oh, Evans,” he said, shaking his head, “you know how to rile me up. Okay, you and me on the count of three. Moony and Mary as our witnesses, yeah? One, two, three!”

They both determinedly submerged themselves in the water. Out of habit, Lily had her eyes shut tight, but realized that decision might be a disadvantage. When she carefully squinted them open, she found James already looking her way, still managing a tight-lipped smirk under the water. She responded with the closest she could come to an eye roll. 

He tried taunting her, sticking his tongue out, and acting out a bit where he pretended to lose his glasses, but Lily already set her sights on winning. His charming attempts to make her laugh weren’t going to work, but she guessed that his years of Quidditch training might give him an advantage over his breath control. She had to find a way to make him break. 

Dropping the combative expression she had been sporting, Lily sent James the sweetest smile she could muster and propelled herself forward, towards where he floated in front of her. He cocked his eyebrow, trying to figure out her strategy, but she innocently continued swimming closer. She could feel her chest tighten, either from lack of oxygen or the way James unconsciously looked her up and down, it didn’t matter. 

Once she was close enough to reach out and touch him, Lily let herself float up so they could see each other at eye level. The smirk had left James’ face as he watched her approach. She slowly reached out and gingerly took his glasses off his face, causing a stream of air bubbles to erupt from his mouth as he exhaled. Exactly as she planned. Now, for the grand finale, she let her hand wander up to his hair and ran her fingers through his wild fringe. 

He sputtered, which proved rather difficult underwater, and James’ eyes widened as he came to terms with her trick. She sent him one more wicked grin before he was forced to return to the surface. After her clear victory, she joined him. 

“Harder than you expected, Prongs?” Remus asked as he clapped a coughing James on the back.

“S’not fair,” sputtered James, “she played dirty under there!”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Lily pleasantly. “But Potter, you forgot your glasses down there, thought you might need them.”

His mouth dropped open as she handed him his glasses. 

A massive wave washed over them as Sirius jumped into the deep end with the others. Mary protested and Remus rolled his eyes, but James fought back, splashing water and foam back at his friend, sending the froth into the air.

“It looks like it’s snowing!” marveled Marlene as the clumps of bubbles drifted down above them. 

Sirius immediately locked eyes with Lily, which caused concern. “I can make that happen,” he said without breaking eye contact, grabbing his wand on the ledge and giving it a wave. 

A wispy cloud formed in the rafters of the ceiling and dainty snowflakes began falling above the bathtub. The magical snow cut through the steamy air to land on their faces and dissolve in the water. The frozen crystals felt refreshing and perfectly contradictory on Lily’s flushed cheeks. It reminded her of something she’d felt before, not so long ago. She began losing herself in the thoughts of snowflakes and her chest hollowed as the white marble walls dissolved around her as though they were also made of snow. A wide range of mountains took their place.

She was still in the water and the snow continued falling, but she was outside now, under a brilliant blue sky. Lily couldn’t feel it, but she knew it was cold out.  _ That’s what you get for vacationing at a ski resort, _ she thought, although she didn’t quite know what that meant. 

When she turned her attention away from the mountains, she noticed James and Sirius lounging around her, also enjoying the view. Something told her that Remus would be joining them soon, after they picked him up from the forest, of course… 

A splash of water in her face brought Lily back to the Prefect’s bathroom, where James had his gaze trained on her. “Where’d you go?” he asked softly.

“Mountains,” she whispered back. She didn’t know why she felt like she could trust him with her dream state, but a charged fire lit behind his eyes at her response. Maybe he experienced the foggy spells, too. Maybe he had been to the same mountain range. Either way, he seemed to make sense of her answer. 

The deep clang of the Hogwarts bell tower announced the end of another hour. 

“Merlin!” shrieked Mary. “It’s one in the morning!”

“And it’s a school night,” added Marlene as she scurried out of the bath. Lily noticed her own pruning hands and made her way to the ladder to follow her friends. They wrapped themselves in the white fluffy towels provided for the bathroom and quickly threw their robes on. Lily’s Prefect badge looked duller and less important after the fun she had that night. 

The boys followed behind, a little less eager to leave the warm water behind, but soon enough everyone but Lily and Remus were huddled together under James’ invisibility cloak. Saying one last goodbye to their late-night sanctuary, they headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

The quiet Common Room welcomed them home as they tip-toed back to their respective dorms, waving goodnight and wishing Sirius their final “Happy Birthdays.”

When Lily saw her bed across the room, she couldn’t wait to wrap herself in her quilt, but a soft hoot by the window distracted her from sleep. Her little Pygmy Owl sat perched in the moonlight. Lily crossed the room and quietly let Pepper in and grabbed the simple Muggle envelope attached to her leg. 

When she checked the return address, her heart leaped. Cassie had finally replied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The snowflakes were really coming down this week while I wrote this chapter, which felt fitting :)


	8. The Unforgivable Curses

_Dear Lily,_

_I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to respond to your letter. Honestly, I didn’t know_ **_how_ ** _to respond, but you don’t deserve to be left hanging._

_I feel horribly about this. I don’t know how, but I forgot that you had been a part of the ski trip plans… Jill, Bess, and I went on the trip over the summer hols without you. I can’t stress enough how awful I feel that I forgot to keep you updated on the plans. Truly, my head has been up in the clouds lately and I’m a shit friend._

_After I got your letter, I basically had a heart attack realizing we had spoken before about the trip (like, hands numb, chest empty, mind blank, the whole shebang). I even went back and found the letters you wrote me last year! I’m a knob. I need to make this up to you._

_Please let me know the moment you’re back in Cokeworth for winter break and let me buy you lunch. It’s the least I can do._

_I hope you know I love you dearly, Lily, and I’m a wreck over what’s happened. You have every right to be furious with me._

_Seriously, I’ll never be sorry enough._

_Hope to see you soon,_

_Cassie_

Lily carried around the letter for an entire week before speaking a word about it to anyone. 

The first couple of days, she managed to excuse her sullen behaviour on lack of sleep after the late-night pool party. But after multiple days of her quiet sulking, Mary finally caught on. They were studying together in the Library, Lily had been staring out the window almost the entire time when Mary burst.

“Lily, what’s wrong with you?”

“Huh?” Lily gasped, brought out of her daze.

“You’ve been moping all week. Did something happen?” said Mary, softening her expression when she noticed Lily’s alarm.

“Dammit,” Lily muttered, “I thought I was being subtle.”

“Spill.”

“Fine.” She rustled around her bookbag for the letter she had been carrying around with her ever since she received it the week before. “Cassie finally responded.” Lily tossed the paper onto the table and watched as Mary’s eyes shot back and forth, hungrily eating up the words.

“Oh, hun,” said Mary, looking up to meet Lily’s eyes, though she quickly looked away to avoid the pity. “I’m sorry, that must hurt. I know you were looking forward to that trip.”

“I was. Well, actually I had forgotten about the trip entirely until you brought it up at the opening feast back in September.” Lily paused and wracked her brain around the order of events. She _was_ hurt that she had been excluded, even accidentally, from the ski trip. For months, Cassie and Lily had exchanged letters about their trip, planning excessively. And then at some point, Lily forgot all about the trip and Cassie had forgotten all about her. 

“That doesn’t make it hurt any less,” said Mary, reaching out to rub Lily’s shoulder. “Are you going to meet up with her over Christmas, do you think?”

“I think I will,” said Lily. “She’s been my best friend since Primary. Well, my best friend other than you, of course.” Mary smiled, approvingly and handed the letter back. 

“It seems like she feels really bad about what happened,” said Mary. “I’m sure once you talk it out, everything will go back to normal.”

Normal. That’s all Lily wanted this year. Some sense of normalcy that seemed so far out of her grasp. What with Severus out of her life, the strange dizzy spells, and the new version of her relationship with James, she could barely remember what her life had been like before. 

“Hey, at least we’ve got a Hogsmeade trip tomorrow,” Mary pointed out. “That will take your mind off things!”

Lily smiled, deciding that getting out of the castle might be a nice change of pace after her week of feeling so down about Cassie’s letter. “I do need to go to Gladrags for a new winter coat, I lost my old one at some point over Summer holiday.”

“Then it’ll be our first stop! And we can meet up with the boys at The Three Broomsticks after.”

“With the boys?” asked Lily, suspiciously. They usually spent their Hogsmeade weekends as girls’ trips, but Lily realized that was more necessary when she still spent the majority of her time with Severus. 

“Black told me during Transfiguration the other day that we should meet up with them this time. Apparently, Potter won't stop talking about what a great time he had at our little pool party last week.” Mary gave her a pointed look and Lily pretended not to notice. 

“I guess it could be interesting spending time with the boys at Hogsmeade,” Lily replied with as much of an air of indifference as she could manage. 

“Are we talking about Hogsmeade?” came Marlene’s voice as she approached their table.

“Yes,” Mary replied, “I just told Lily we’re meeting up with the Marauders for a Butterbeer.”

“Totally,” said Marlene hurriedly, “I also invited Elizabeth to join us.”

“Oh no,” groaned Mary, “four girls and four boys? It’s going to look like we’ve all paired up!”

Madam Pince appeared out of nowhere with a loud shushing, which Mary rolled her eyes at in response. 

_“That’s not what it will look like,”_ Marlene whispered back with a slight edge to her voice and a pink tinge spreading on her cheeks. Lily wondered who could be causing her blush while Mary held her hands up in an inauthentic apology. “Lily, we have to be going to Defense now.”

“Oh! I totally lost track of time,” Lily sputtered, earning their table another piercing glare from the librarian. “I’m ready, we can go now.” 

“Everyone can put away their wands,” said Professor Prewett solemnly once class had begun, “today’s lesson will be a little different than usual.”

The students tucked their wands back into their robe pockets and looked around the room for some kind of hint as to what their Defense Against the Dark Arts class might have in store for them today. So far, Professor Prewett had an extremely hands-on approach and most days were spent dueling or practicing defensive magic, so a collective jitteriness seemed to fall over the now restless class. 

“Today’s lesson is on the Unforgivable Curses.”

The classroom collectively froze. 

“I don’t take this lesson lightly,” said Prewett, taking a seat behind his desk. “These are some of the darkest known curses known to our world and they have ripped families and lives apart. But they also provide an opportunity to have conversations about ethics and morality, which is the approach I would like to take.”

With a sweeping motion of his wand, the tables and chairs, along with the students in them, zoomed around the room to form a circle around Prewett’s own desk. Lily still sat next to Marlene, with James, Sirius, and Remus directly across the way. James had a hard look in his eye, trained on their professor. She had never seen him look this sincere in class before.

“Can anyone name any of the curses? Yes, Mr. Potter?”

“The Killing Curse,” said James, a shadow falling over his usually playful face. 

“Yes, the Killing Curse. Taking a life is possibly the simplest case of black versus white in this instance. But I want to open this discussion up to you all.”

“Taking a life is the worst you can do to a person,” said Bonnie Jenkins, one of the Hufflepuff Prefects. 

“It’s the most final thing you can do,” added another Hufflepuff, a boy named Conner Smith. “But technically being dead doesn’t affect you once you’re gone, right?”

“Tell that to the friends and families left behind,” spat James from across the room. Lily’s heart stilled as she watched him glare at the other boy. 

James had an ability, similar to Professor Prewett, to command a room. All eyes were on him with a kind of respect that few students garnered from their peers, but Lily could see why. It was his confidence- that same confidence that Lily dismissed as an over-inflated ego for years- that drew everyone in. He was a natural leader. No one could match his unwavering belief in what he thought was right.

“I- I didn’t mean,” stuttered Smith, unable to hold James’ stare. “It’s still unforgivable, obviously…”

“That’s okay, Mr. Smith,” Prewett cut in, “this is an open discussion and you make a good point. There is an individual impact and also a greater community impact.”

“You could argue,” piped up Marlene to Lily’s surprise, “that the Killing Curse would have a greater aftermath on a community, whereas something like the Cruciatus Curse would have more obvious longer-lasting effects on the sole victim.”

“A greater personal burden to bear going forward,” nodded Prewett. “Can anyone tell us about this second Unforgivable?”

“Torture,” said Sirius without raising his hand. 

Not a single student dared respond. Most people familiar with the Black family had heard rumours of their fondness for the Cruciatus Curse. Sirius held his head high, pointedly looking around at his classmates, James beside him with squared shoulders, ready to go to bat for his friend.

“Does anyone know the third Unforgivable Curse?” Prewett finally asked, cutting the silence in the room. 

“The Imperius Curse,” said Remus. “It puts you under the control of the caster. You lose command over your own actions.”

“Yes, correct Mr. Lupin,” said their Professor, looking around the room to open up the discussion. 

“The Imperius seems the least impactful of the three,” spoke up another Hufflepuff, a girl named Felicity Grant. Lily knew her as one of the few other Muggleborn students beside herself and Mary in the sixth year. 

“How about _you_ try having your free will stripped away,” Remus shot back. Lily noticed James stiffen and Sirius grabbed Remus’ wrist. Their reactions were subtle, but to Lily, Remus’ Lycanthropy was clearly on the front of their minds. Maybe Remus realized that because his face turned red and he pulled his hand away from Sirius’ in a flash.

“I don’t think we should be arguing which curse is better or worse than the others,” Bonnie Jenkins pointed out, her fellow Hufflepuffs shifting uncomfortably at their housemate seemingly siding with the Gryffindors. “Especially if you value actions as a way to identify the self. But I think anything that strips you of your humanity could be considered unforgivable.”

“Someone having that much power over your life terrifies me,” said Lily before she realized what she was doing. All eyes were on her now and she saw James’ confident demeanor change into something that almost felt protective. “In the end, _you_ are the only thing you have control over. It’s extremely dark magic and you’d have to be morally bankrupt if you think you have any right to use these curses on another human being.”

She and Bonnie locked eyes and the other girl smiled with a slight nod. Lily didn’t know Bonnie very well, but she knew she came from a Pureblood family and it felt nice having someone from another house have her back, so she returned the smile.

“I agree with you, Miss Evans,” said Professor Prewett. “But there _are_ morally bankrupt witches and wizards out there and they’re closer than you’d think.” The class watched their teacher as he stood up from his desk and walked around to the middle of the circle. “It’s been thought that some dark wizards might be using the Unforgivables as a part of an initiation into their ranks. It takes a morally bankrupt person to caste these curses themselves, and an even worse person who orders others to caste them on their behalf. And that’s where I’ll leave you all today, enjoy your weekends and I’ll see you next week.”

As Lily shuffled out of the classroom with Marlene, someone came up beside her and nudged her shoulder. 

“Hey,” said James, looking down at her with fire behind his eyes. “It takes a lot of courage to admit that something terrifies you, especially in front of a class.” Lily couldn’t stop her blush under his intense gaze. “I wanted to let you know that I agree with you and that you have people in your corner.”

“Thanks, Potter,” Lily responded. He smiled at her, not his usual smirk or that crooked grin he liked to flash, but a real, meaningful smile before becoming serious again.

“I swear, if some Slytherin ever tried using an Unforgivable in this castle, there would be hell to pay.”

“Some Slytherin already has,” said Marlene darkly. Lily and James stopped in their tracks.

“What?” asked Lily, stunned.

“I realized it when Remus explained what the Imperius Curse does,” said Marlene, lowering her voice. “I’m certain that’s what Mulciber used on Mary last year.”

“At the greenhouses,” whispered Lily, in shock.

Lily felt her whole body go cold. It suddenly made sense. Near the end of their fifth year, there had been an incident where Mulciber cornered Mary in the greenhouses. Lily had been at the Library with Severus at the time, studying for their Potions O.W.L., but Marlene had been with Mary when it happened. 

Mulciber and a few other older Slytherins had ambushed them at dusk, while Sprout and the other Professors were still at dinner. They immediately petrified Marlene with a stunning spell and Mulciber proceeded to hit Mary with a curse the girls had never heard before. Later, she described it feeling as though she had lost control of her arms. 

Marlene had watched as Mary picked up a large pair of shrubbery shears and brought the sharp blades closer and closer to her neck. When recounting the events, Marlene called Mary’s eyes dull and empty. Mary described the sensation as being lost, like watching her body operate from a distance and through a dense haze. 

Mary brought the shears right up to her neck, but at the last second, something snapped and she was able to pull the blades away. That act of defiance apparently made Mulciber go mad and the curse intensified. This time, Mary’s arms brought the shears to her hair and snapped, slicing off a section of her curls. 

One of the Slytherins took a photo of the scene and soon after the boys were gone, lifting the curses on Mary and Marlene as they left. 

When Lily brought up the Dark Magic to Severus later that week, he wrote it off as a laugh. 

The anger rose through Lily’s abdomen like a raging fire and her hand balled into a fist around a bit of fabric she didn’t realize was James’ robes until she already had a tight hold. He glanced at her fingers gripped around his sleeve and then up to meet her gaze with an expression that matched the rage that she felt. 

“He’s going to pay for what he’s done,” James scowled. He reached down and clutched Lily’s hand with a surprising tenderness that made her release his robes and allowed him to interlock his fingers with hers. He gave her a reaffirming squeeze before letting go and making a beeline back towards Gryffindor tower, shouting, “I’ll see you both tomorrow at The Three Broomsticks,” before leaving Lily and Marlene to sit with what they now knew about Unforgivable Curses. 

It was now clear to Lily why Mary decided to drop Defense Against the Dark Arts this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and, as always, I love hearing your thoughts!
> 
> I'll see you next week at Hogsmeade :)


	9. The Three Broomsticks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back to Raindrops!
> 
> Last chapter, I accidentally wrote that Marlene invited DANIELLE to The Three Broomsticks, when I meant ELIZABETH. I updated the last chapter to correct it. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter, thanks for reading :)

The frigid November wind bit at Lily’s nose and cheeks as she pulled the hood of her new coat closer to her ears. Thankfully, she found the perfect winter traveling cloak at Gladrags, a simple knee-length woolen grey cape, sewn with heat-enchanted thread. The journey to Hogsmead that morning in only her school robes had been bone-chilling, and with the temperature dropping by the minute (paired with her attempt at an unpracticed warming charm), she doubted she would have made it much farther without becoming an icicle.

The Gryffindor girls huddled together while they walked, heads down to avoid gusts of cold air, towards The Three Broomsticks. In the distance, the pub glowed with a promise of cozy booths, warm drinks, and familiar faces. Lily and her friends’ boots thunked against the frozen ground as they picked up their pace, eager to make it inside and get as far away from the winter winds as possible. 

“You’ll never catch me outside again until it’s summertime!” shouted Mary, her hands clasped to her rosy cheeks.

“How will you get to the greenhouses then?” asked Marlene, her voice muffled through the maroon and gold scarf wrapped around her face.

“I guess the Shrivelfigs will just have to dry up in my absence.” 

“Come on guys,” chimed in Elizabeth, “it’s not so bad out!” She was the only one in the group without a hat and gloves and looked almost cheerful with her short chestnut hair whipping around her face.

“Not all of us are Quidditch players, Wood,” teased Marlene, playfully shoving Elizabeth’s shoulder. “We can’t all be used to hundred mile-per-hour wind.”

“Well, you could try…” said Elizabeth with an uncharacteristic glint of mischief in her eye. Without warning, she reached out and grabbed Marlene’s scarf from around her neck, and took off running towards The Three Broomsticks. Marlene’s jaw dropped in a shocked laugh before she started chasing after her stolen scarf.

Lily and Mary shared a quick look and a shrug before jogging after their friends. When they made it to the entrance of The Three Broomsticks, Marlene and Elizabeth were in stitches, breathing heavily with grins on their faces. Elizabeth looped the scarf back around Marlene’s shoulders, lingering with her hold on the knitted fabric for a moment longer than might be expected. Lily exchanged an interested glance with Mary before swinging open the old, wooden door ahead of them. 

The heat of the pub engulfed them as they walked through the entryway. Madam Rosmerta offered up a quick greeting as they entered, which they returned with breathless waves. 

“Oi!” came a voice through the crowds of students and locals. “The girls have finally made it! I was beginning to think you lot had frozen out there.” Sirius Black squeezed his way through a pack of Hufflepuffs to green them. “Well don’t just stand there, we’ve already got a table towards the back there.”

As they followed Sirius single-file through the packed tables and groups of students, Lily tried tempering a rising fluttering in her chest. How strange it felt to be meeting up with the Marauders at The Three Broomsticks after years of spending their Hogsmeade visits purposefully avoiding the boys. She caught a glimpse of Potter’s unruly hair from behind a booth and cursed her leaping heart. 

“Evans!” greeted James as soon as he laid eyes on her. “Look at this! Who would have thought you’d finally accept my invitation to spend our Hogsmead trip together?”

Lily spent extra care to exaggerate her eye roll for him. “Don’t make me leave before I’ve even sat down, Potter.”

“You know I kid,” he laughed easily with a quick wink in her direction. “But for real, I saved you a seat.”

“Hey!” said Peter, who happened to be occupying the seat next to James.

“Pete can move.”

“I can, but I won't.”

Lily shook her head in exasperation before scooting into the opposite booth, all while rubbing her nose in an attempt to hide the smile growing on her face.

“Cold out there?” asked Remus.

“Bloody freezing,” Mary responded, throwing her cloak to the side. “I’m off to get a round of Butterbeers, help me carry them back, Pettigrew?” 

Peter rolled his eyes, but obliged, following Mary through the pub. As soon as his seat opened up, James turned to Lily, raising his eyebrows and motioning to the spot next to him with an impish grin. He was impossible. 

Lily pointedly turned towards Remus. “Have you started the Potions essay yet?” 

“No school talk,” Sirius groaned. “Merlin, it’s Saturday. I’m trying to enjoy what little time I have outside those bloody classrooms.”

“Do you think we’ll try that new Chaser formation in next week’s match?” Elizabeth asked James. His eyes lit up at the prospect of discussing Quidditch, but Sirius dramatically bowed down to knock his head onto the table.

“No Quidditch either! I get enough of that in the dorms.”

“Fine, Black,” said Lily, “what is it that you want to talk about, then?”

His eyes narrowed as a cheeky grin twitched at his lips. “I heard the other day that Lars Barriston and Lacy Greengrass went up on the roof of Ravenclaw Tower to snog and got stuck up there.”

“No way,” said Elizabeth, eyes wide.

“It’s impossible to get onto the roof,” Marlene chimed in. James, Sirius, and Remus exchanged looks. “Isn’t it?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny,” said James with the biggest shit-eating grin Lily had ever seen. She hated how much it suited him.

In an attempt to stop herself from staring, she moved her attention to the window and found a light snowfall floating to the ground and layering the icy earth with a light powder. Transfixed, she watched the flakes fall down like feathers, drifting and spinning as if gravity wasn’t a concern. The layer of bright, white snow coated the pathways, creating a brand new landscape of untouched wonder, calling for Lily to journey out and explore. If she followed the path, the blank slate of ground without any previous footprints to guide the way, what would she find? Something deep inside her heart thudded with purpose as if it knew there were answers somewhere among the snowflakes in the sky. 

“Lily, your Butterbeer,” said Mary, handing her a drink and breaking Lily’s hypnosis on the snow.

“Mhm, thanks Mary,” Lily responded, grabbing the deliciously warm tankard. 

The chatter and gossip continued amongst her friends. Lily tried to pay attention to who snogged who and what Sirius thought their Professors’ living quarters might look like, but her attention kept drifting back out the window. The snowy scene drew her in, magnetic to her senses. 

She marveled at what a great idea it was to have a restaurant on the side of the mountain, perfect for skiers and snowboarders to take a break halfway down the run. She turned back to the table and smiled at her friends digging into their lunch, helmets, mittens, and ski poles strewn about the booth. Sirius was having an animated discussion with Cassie while Bess and Jill watched the little kids from the ski school wind their way down the mountain in single file through the window.

Across the table, Lily locked eyes with James. His cheeks and nose were rosy from windburn and his hair a wild mess ontop of his head. He looked much younger in his turtleneck and Muggle jacket, still wet from wiping out on his snowboard earlier when Sirius crashed into him on that blue diamond run. 

He had a mug of steaming hot chocolate that looked absolutely marvelous and Lily glanced around the cabin diner to see where he had gotten it from. When she found the hot chocolate machine at the front of the restaurant by the buffet line, she immediately stood up from her seat and made a beeline to grab herself a drink. 

Someone stood ahead of her in line at the bar and he spun around when she approached. 

“Evans,” snarled the dark-haired Slytherin in front of her. She gasped as Markus Selwyn stared her down with a menacing glare. But that was impossible. Selwyn had graduated years ago…

She blinked, and suddenly the restaurant on the side of the mountain disappeared and she was surrounded by the smokey interior of The Three Broomsticks once again. Markus Selwyn was nowhere to be seen and instead Bartholomew Avery stood in his place, an equally unsettling expression on his gaunt face.

“What do you want, Avery,” said Lily with an even tone.

“Big picture? For you to go back to your half-breed, Muggle dump where you belong. Currently? For you to wise up and stay clear from socializing with Pureblood wizards. Even the blood-traitors are leagues above your filthy worth…” His eyes shot to Sirius and James back at their table and Lily felt her blood boiling.

“You’re pathetic,” she spat in his face, knowing any further argument would only lead to trouble, no matter how desperately she wished to knock his teeth in. 

“If I’m so pathetic,” he sneered, “why don’t we see who would win in a duel? There’s a spot out back-”

“Save your breath,” Lily growled. Something about his proposition made her stomach churn. When had a Slytherin ever asked for a fight? Avery never had issues sending off hexes whenever he deemed fit. “You’re not worth getting my boots wet over.”

Before he could say anything else, she turned on her heel and walked back to her friends, trying to settle her heightened nerves after the strange encounter.

“Where did you run off to?” asked Mary when she returned to her seat.

“Oh, just to get some hot chocolate,” Lily replied.

“Where’s the hot chocolate?”

“Er, I didn’t actually get any. I ran into Avery and sorta stormed off after we got into a bit of a spat.”

“Where is he, the git?” said Potter with a scowl, whipping his head around to locate the Slytherin. He started rising from his seat when he spotted Avery walking towards a group of Hufflepuffs, but Lily reached across the table and pulled him back down.

“Let it be, Potter, he’s not worth getting in trouble over.”

James grumbled but didn’t try getting up again. “What’d he say to you?”

“The usual,” Lily replied, shrugging casually as if her heart wasn’t still angrily racing from the encounter. “Tried to get me to duel him, that was odd.”

“Ha!” Sirius burst out. “That prick has the reflexes of a troll. A bold move on his part.”

The Slytherins  _ are _ getting bolder,” said Elizabeth. “The other week, that creep Barty Crouch got me with  _ Ossio Dispersimus. _ I think he was trying to get my whole arm, but It just hit my hand and I only needed to regrow a few finger bones in the end.” The entire table grimaced. “Still bloody hurt, of course.”

“We have to get back at them somehow,” said James, his eyes trained on Avery and his friends.

“We could transfigure that stupid camera Mulciber’s been carrying around into a firecrab,” suggested Sirius.

At the word “camera” Lily felt Mary tense in the seat next to her. 

“Camera?” stuttered Mary breathlessly. She had gone grey, her eyes wide and frightened. Lily glanced over to Marlene, who looked similarly ghastly. 

“Yeah, an old clunky one, he’s been lugging it around all day,” said Sirius, eyeing the girls.

“They had a camera that day in the greenhouses when Mulciber attacked me,” Mary said softly, her words hitching in her throat. Peter squeaked. 

“Shit,” said James with a sudden urgency. “Where’d they go?” This time James stood all the way up and Lily didn’t stop him. In fact, she joined him. “A whole group of snakes were over by that table a second ago.” He pointed at a booth across the pub where a huddle of Hufflepuffs had their heads together. Bonnie Jenkins, the Hufflepuff Prefect, turned to see James pointing and broke off from her group, striding towards them. 

“They’ve done something to Felicity,” said Bonnie, her voice a higher pitch than usual. “The Slytherins, they were acting super strangely and Avery told her he had something to show her outside.” She was breathless and Lily felt her own heart drop. “Felicity just- she just left with them! I told her I’d come with, but she told me she was fine but-”

Lily didn’t wait to hear more, she started running for the back door. Her senses, already heightened from her previous run-in with Avery, were on fire. Felicity Grant, one of the few other Muggleborns in their year, would never go willingly with a group of known wannabe Death Eaters. 

She burst out of the back of The Three Broomsticks and had to let her eyes adjust to the bright white snow around her. Around the back section of the pub, she spotted the group of Slytherins and Felicity in a semi-circle near the edge of some trees. Grabbing her wand tightly, Lily headed straight towards the small crowd.

They weren’t far, but halfway there, Lily started noticing her previously sharp senses slipping away and drifting to the large flakes of snow falling around her. She pressed on, desperate to keep her focus as she ran around the building. Felicity had her wand gripped in her own hand and slowly turned it on herself. The crunching of snow under Lily’s sprinting feet became muffled as her chest hollowed out and her vision started fading. “No!” she shouted, even though she could barely hear her own voice. With all her might, she shot off a Body Bind curse before her surroundings changed around her.

The snow still fell around her, picking up speed with a brutal wind whipping through the evergreens behind the wooden building. The idyllic streets of Hogsmead were nowhere to be seen, instead replaced with the side of a mountain behind the restaurant on the ski slope. Lily saw the Slytherins a few yards ahead of her, but they looked too old to be in school and there were only two men standing where before she had seen many more boys. 

She had stopped running. Her feet wanted to stay grounded where she stood, but in the back of her mind, she knew someone was in danger, knew she had to help. But the snowflakes… they were mystifying as they twirled around, pulling her concentration with them through the air. 

Suddenly, James ran up beside her and the men started yelling at him. “Join us!”

Stupified, Lily watched as James let out a dark, booming laugh. “Is that a Joke?”

“I’m sure you aren’t surprised by our offer?” said the taller man, Lily now recognized as Selwyn. 

“I’m sure you’re not surprised I’d rather die.”

A fight broke out in front of her, wands waving viciously, hexes flashing, people screaming inside her head, with some voices breaking through the muffled barrier. Was that Mary? She hadn’t come to the mountain. How did Marlene get down the slope without any skis or a snowboard? 

The chaos unfurled before her, but Lily felt useless without a wand. One of the cloaked men raised his arm to send a curse towards Sirius and James, but as he did Lily’s instincts kicked in. She leaned down, gathered up a pile of snow in her hands to form a snowball, and chucked it at Selwyn, hitting him square in the face. As he moved to whip the slush off his face, Sirius retaliated with a perfect Stupify, sending him to the ground.

“Great shot, Lily!” shouted Elizabeth, giving her a clap on her shoulder, throwing her back into reality. She found herself in Hogsmeade once more, surrounded by her fellow sixth year Gryffindors. Dazed and confused, she stumbled towards Remus, who knelt to the ground next to a haggard-looking Felicity. 

“What happened?” she asked, trying to take in the scene around her. She couldn’t see any Slytherins anymore. James and Sirius were walking back from the trees while Marlene and Elizabeth held onto a quietly crying Mary. 

“What do you mean?” asked Remus. “You were here the whole time.”

“I- I can’t remember,” she sputtered, her mind reeling when she felt a hand on her arm.

“You went somewhere didn’t you,” said James, spinning her around to look him in the eye. “You were zoning out during that fight.” Lily nodded slowly. “Where were you?”

“I was on a mountain… there were two men you and Sirius were fighting. I threw a snowball…”

“You threw a snowball in real life, too,” said James, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes.

“You hit Avery right in the face, too,” Sirius chimed in, looking pleased. “The bastard got away with the rest of the Slytherins though.”

“I’m so confused,” she sighed, but James and Sirius acted like her disappearing to and acting in a parallel universe wasn’t insane and mind-bending.

“Lily,” Remus cut in, “can you help me? We should bring Felicity back to the castle.”

“Of course,” she said, putting her thoughts to the side to focus on her Prefect duties. “We should probably bring her to Professor Prewett.” 

Remus pulled Felicity to her feet and Lily put an arm around the girl. The wind had calmed and the snow continued drifting down to the ground, more peaceful as the sun started setting. Lily’s thoughts ran wild as they made their way back to Hogwarts, holding tighter to Felicity as they walked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I'd love to hear some feedback if the flashbacks are a bit confusing. This chapter's come from Chapter 11: The Death Eater's Request from Snowflakes, if anyone needs a refresher. And if it's helpful, I could put the referenced chapters in the chapter notes like this from now on! 
> 
> Also! You can find me on tumblr now @the-dream-team over there!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you again next week :)


	10. The Journey to London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the Hogwarts Express!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Raindrops, thank you all for reading!
> 
> The plot is thickening and will only get thicker as we go, so buckle up and enjoy the ride :)

“Try to remember as much as you can,” said Professor Prewett, pacing back and forth in his office. Felicity Grant nodded, her eyes shifting around the room while she shook violently as if an earthquake rattled through her bones. Lily reached out and grabbed her hand in an attempt to steady the poor girl.

“I was with my friends in The Three Broomsticks,” started Felicity after a deep breath. “We were talking about the last Quidditch match when the Slytherins showed up.”

“Do you remember which Slytherins were there?” cut in Prewett with a frown.

Felicity bit her lip in concentration. “I- I’m not sure. I know Avery was the one who spoke the entire time. Some were older… I don’t know their names, I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, Miss Grant,” said Prewett. He stopped his pacing to lean across his desk and put a hand on her shoulder. “You’re doing great.”

She nodded and a hint of relief flashed across her eyes. “He said he had something to show me outside. I didn’t want to go with him, but somehow someone in my brain spoke for me and before I knew it, I stood up and started following him.” She took a deep breath and her voice dropped to a whisper. “I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t have a choice. It was like someone was pulling me with strings.”

Professor Prewett noticed the girl falter, summoned a tea kettle, and poured Felicity a cup. She accepted, and the warm beverage seemed to ground her for a moment. 

“Once we got outside, I followed them to the edge of the trees,” she said softly. “That’s when the really horrible thoughts started. Something inside my brain started telling me I was worthless and dirty and that I needed to… to do something about it.” Lily could see the tears starting to well in Felicity’s bright blue eyes, so she tightened her grip on her hand. “I didn’t have any control over my own arms. Something forced me to grab my wand and point it at myself. I didn’t even know what spell I was going to cast at first, but the voice in my head was getting louder and crueler.”

“And how many Slytherins were there, could you remember, Miss. Grant?” asked Prewett.

“There was a whole group waiting for me outside,” said Felicity shakily. “Most of them had their hoods up or scarves wrapped around their faces. I’m sorry, I don’t know who they were.” She sniffed and gulped in a trembling breath. Lily felt her own heart aching and turned to Remus, who had a pained look in his eyes to match. 

“That’s okay, Miss. Grant. What happened next?”

“I heard a shout and I was hit by a Body-Binding curse.”

Lily froze. She had thrown that spell. 

“Thank God, too,” continued Felicity, “because it stopped me from casting the Cruciatus Curse on myself. That’s what I was being ordered to do.”

Prewett froze. “Merlin, Felicity,” he breathed, forgetting his professional formalities. 

“That’s when everyone else showed up,” said Felicity, gaining some strength. “All the Gryffindor sixth years. They started dueling the Slytherins and drove a lot of them off. Avery finally got hit in the face with a snowball, but there was a puff of smoke and he disappeared with the others.”

Lily’s heart started beating out of her chest. Apparating didn’t leave behind smoke, so how did they get away? Something about the smoke felt so familiar… before she could stop herself, she blurted out, “That’s how the Death Eaters disappeared off the mountain, in a cloud of dark smoke.”

Professor Prewett’s brows shot up and disappeared under his orange curls. “So, Miss. Evans,” he said slowly, “the memories have started coming back?”

Confused, she opened her mouth to reply, but Remus cut in. “I definitely saw Avery throw something before the smoke appeared, sir.”

Prewett’s gaze dodged over to Remus and stayed there for a moment. “Thank you Mr. Lupin. Miss Grant, if you remember anything else at any point, please feel free to reach out at any time. Otherwise, the three of you are free to go. Mr. Lupin and Miss. Evans, you know where to find me if you come across any more suspicious activity. Good work today.”   
  


The snowfall continued on for weeks, as did the dreamlike state Lily found herself in every time snowflakes fell from the sky. She knew she was awake, she could feel the ground under her feet, but a light fog had settled around her ever since the incident at The Three Broomsticks. Every breath felt restricted as though her lungs were being squeezed inside her chest. Professor Prewett’s comments from that afternoon rang through her ears,  _ So, Miss. Evans, the memories have started coming back?  _

What memories? Could he be referring to her dizzy spells? Had Potter told their professor about the places her mind took her to?

She wanted to ask James, but every time she got near him, the already constant dreamlike state she lived in became ten times more difficult to manage. If she so much as locked eyes with the boy, her whole head started spinning like a blizzard. Surely, Professor Prewett didn’t know about  _ that  _ side effect.

So, she found herself avoiding the boys again. It wasn’t as difficult this time because Mary hadn’t been up to socializing much since the Hogsmeade trip. Witnessing Felicity’s attack shook Mary to her core and she closed off to the other girls in the following weeks. Lily had tried time and time again to get her to open up about how she felt, but the poor girl wouldn’t budge. It hurt to see her so rattled, but Lily settled on staying by her side, waiting for whenever she was finally ready to open up again. 

The winter holiday would be a much-needed break for everyone. 

Lily found herself in the window seat on the Hogwarts Express heading back to London. Mary and Lily sat alone in their compartment. Marlene had been asked to join Elizabeth and her friends from the Quidditch team in their carriage for the ride home, which she seemed absolutely giddy about. Lily hugged her goodbye that morning, promising to write over the break before Marlene skipped off to meet up with the others.

With Mary already buried in a novel, Lily expected a quiet journey home, until their carriage door slammed open.

“Got room for a couple more in here, ladies?” asked Sirius, not waiting for an answer before making himself comfortable in the seat between Mary and Lily. The other Marauders did not seem quite as confident as Sirius, lingering at the doorway politely and waiting for a sign of approval.

“Course, boys,” said Mary, though she lacked her usual bravado, “make yourselves at home.”

James landed directly in front of Lily, sitting in the opposite window seat and flashing her a friendly smile. “Alright, Evans? Haven’t seen much of you these past few weeks, busy studying for the end of term exams?”

“Yes,” Lily lied, feeling her head grow foggy under James’ lopsided smile, “couldn’t let you lot get top marks again.” She internally rolled her eyes, cursing herself for not being able to go two minutes without teasing him. He cocked an eyebrow, clearly not minding as his smile grew.

“And I’m sure you made a gallant effort,” he laughed, stretching his legs out and accidentally bumping her knee. A burning heat crept up the back of Lily’s neck at the contact, and in a slight panic, she turned her attention to the window. 

Unfortunately, a light snowfall had begun, sending Lily’s head rushing at the sight of the delicate snowflakes fluttering around the train. She had a choice to make. Either lose her mind staring at the hypnotizing snow, or lose her mind (and control over her pounding heart) staring at Potter directly in front of her, in very close proximity. 

“So Peter,” she said exasperatedly, “got any plans for winter holiday?”

Peter lit up. “I do actually! My family’s going to New Zealand. Y’know, it’s Summer for them when it’s Winter for us, and vice-versa of course- hey!” 

James had thrown a wriggling chocolate frog at Peter, who began struggling with untangling the animated candy from his hair. But Lily didn’t pay any attention to the frog, her mind stuck on New Zealand. 

“I’ve been there,” she said, though as she spoke her voice became more distant. “I’ve been to New Zealand in the Summer when there was snow on the ground. Crazy how that happens…” 

Something pulled her attention back to the window and her breath caught at the beauty of the view. Light, fluffy clouds spread out across the horizon, leaving small gaps here and there where Lily glimpsed the peaks of the New Zealand mountain ranges. She hadn’t been in an airplane since she was a little kid and the excitement of traveling so far up in the air buzzed through her bones like a fly caught under a glass. 

Someone leaned over her shoulder to get a view of the sky. Cassie grinned behind her and grabbed Lily’s arm, giving it a squeeze before turning back to her book. Lily looked away from the small circular window and checked in on her friends seated to the other side of Cassie. Bess, her chestnut hair in a messy bun, fell asleep about an hour into the flight and continued snoring peacefully while Jill partook in an animated discussion with the flight attendant about natural curly hair products. 

Lily’s heart swelled as she sat beside her childhood friends, thinking of how great this trip would be for their relationships. They hardly got to spend time together anymore, what with Lily going off to Hogwarts, so this would be some much-needed bonding time for the four of them. Her mind wandered to what the next month of skiing and exploring the mountain town had in store.

She was excited to spend a month away from magic and her normal life, but in the back of her mind, she knew that that’s not how the next four weeks were going to play out. No, this wouldn’t be the idyllic ski trip she and Cassie had been planning for months. Lily’s head started spinning as images of dress robes, stunning spells, and owls knocking on windows flashed before her eyes. A dark, masked figure glided through a forest. Bess laid in a bed, unconscious, Jill and Cassie watching over with fear and confusion plaguing their faces. James Potter and Sirius Black stood, surrounded by trees, and transformed into animals before her eyes. Snowflakes swirled around and around until they became a blizzard, blinding Lily from the memories playing out in front of her. Were they memories? Were they dreams?

Lily awoke suddenly when her forehead thudded against a cool, hard surface. As her surroundings reappeared, she felt a steady hand supporting the side of her face and sitting her upright. 

“Lily, can you hear me? Are you okay?” said James, kneeling in front of her, his eyes searching hers for any recognition. His hand was warm, tenderly holding her head to meet his gaze.

“What happened?” asked Lily, her mind still muddled with the thought of a ski trip she realistically knew she hadn’t been a part of. 

“You passed out, Evans,” said Sirius, who now stood up with Remus and Peter around where Lily had slumped over. Mary moved over to sit next to Lily and clutched her hand tightly. 

“You mentioned New Zealand,” said Mary softly, “and then stared out the window for a while before going limp like a Raggedy Anne doll.”

“It’s all my fault, Lily, I’m sorry,” said Peter from behind Remus. “I never should’ve mentioned my New Zealand trip!”

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave Peter a light shove. “Oh hush, Wormy, it’s not your fault.”

Lily brought her hand up to her forehead and winced at the dull pain. James quickly brushed her hair out of her face, sending a tingling sensation through her entire body. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, partially because she wished she hadn’t caused a scene and partially because she could feel her cheeks turning red.

James shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

She gulped. Could she possibly talk about something she, herself, barely understood? She had gotten used to the idea that she simply dreamt up the world she went to during her dizzy spells. Or maybe it was an alternate universe (if those existed in the wizarding world). But ever since Professor Prewett made that comment about memories, her theories had scrambled. How could she be remembering something that never happened?

She knew- had known since the beginning of the year- that she should go to Madam Pomfrey’s for help. Or she should have spoken to any of her professors about what was happening to her. But the one roadblock, the mental wall that kept her from openly discussing the dizzy spells, was currently staring her directly in the face. 

James Potter, or more specifically the  _ feelings _ towards James Potter that Lily’s episodes elicited, made her chest tighten and lungs give out. And she knew if she spoke to an adult about her condition, those feelings would be something she’d have to admit to out loud. She most certainly was not ready for that.

So, did she want to talk about what happened?

“No,” she responded with a sigh, “I’m fine, there’s nothing to talk about.” 

Her heart sank as James finally let his hand drop from the side of her face as he gave a quick nod and sat back down at his seat across from hers. But she could see in his eyes that he didn’t believe her. 

“Well,” said James suddenly, grabbing for his messenger bag, “The Harpies are playing the Magpies at the moment if anyone wanted to listen to the match?” He pulled a wireless out and started fiddling with the dials. Sirius and Peter let out a cheer and Remus shrugged his shoulders. Mary had a smile on her face, grateful for any form of distraction, and Lily had to agree. 

Taking her mind off whatever was happening inside her mess of a mind was a necessity, so she nodded along and spent the rest of the train ride back to London cheering and shouting with her fellow Gryffindors, ignoring the brewing snowstorm raging just outside the compartment’s window. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading :)
> 
> Next week we will be reunited with some of my favorite Muggles! As always, thank you for your support, kudos, and lovely comments.
> 
> If anyone wants to chat, you can find me on tumblr @the-dream-team !!


	11. The Winter Holiday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest and most sincere apologies for putting out quite an emotional/angsty chapter on Valentine's Day!
> 
> This is quite a big chapter, so grab your chocolates and settle in :)

Lily approached the brick, terraced home with a fluttering of nerves in her stomach. When was the last time she had seen Cassie in person? It must have been the previous winter holiday when they went ice skating at the local pond with Jill and her little sister. They had exchanged letters since then, and two days prior they had a brief conversation on the phone to set up the plan for their lunch that day, so why did Lily feel so woozy?

Pushing whatever fears she had to the side, Lily raised her head and knocked on the front door. A scurry of movement grew louder as she heard footsteps running down the hall to answer the door, and within seconds Cassie’s beaming face appeared before her. 

“Oh, Lily!” squealed Cassie, pulling her into a tight embrace. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Is that Lily Evans out there?” called the loud voice of Cassie’s mum, Florence, from inside the home.

“Hi Mrs. Brentworth,” called Lily as the older woman peered around a doorway down the hallway.

“My darling,” said Cassie’s mum with a grin, “so good to see you! Have fun at your lunch, you two.”

“We will, Mum!” Cassie shouted back as she closed the door behind her and linked her arm around Lily’s. “Lily! Look at your hair, it’s so long!”

“I know,” laughed Lily, “I haven’t cut it in ages. I adore the little bob you’re sporting at the moment, though!” The effortlessness of chatting with Cassie flooded back and Lily scolded herself for expecting anything less. Her friend’s bubbly, easy-going personality would always be a comfort. 

“Thank you, I got it done the other week,” said Cassie, fondly patting her hair. “I was sick and tired of styling it all the time, so here we are.”

They went back and forth about their hair and the weather as they made their way to the little cafe down the street where they had decided to get lunch. Luckily, it hadn’t snowed since Lily had returned to Cokeworth, and the fogginess that plagued her the past month at Hogwarts had almost dissipated. In fact, with Petunia staying with her boyfriend’s family for Christmas, she had a relatively calm and enjoyable week back home.

“They’ve got a new toasty here that’s to die for,” said Cassie as they walked into the cozy little cafe. 

After they ordered (two grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches), the girls found a table in the corner of the shop by a window and peeled off their coats, making themselves comfortable. Within a minute, two cups and a teapot were delivered and Lily couldn’t be happier with a warm mug in her hands. After a lovely first sip, she glanced up at Cassie and got the first proper look at her friend and faltered. As she watched Cassie push her blonde bangs off her forehead and unwrap her scarf, she felt her chest hollow, the image of Cassie reading next to her on the airplane becoming clear in her mind’s eye.

Panicked, Lily quickly took in her surroundings but was shocked when she still found herself sitting in the little cafe in Cokeworth. She hadn’t been transported back to the plane looking over the New Zealand mountains. It was only a memory. But how could that be-

“So,” said Cassie after a deep breath, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop apologizing for what happened with the ski trip.”

The sentence echoed around Lily’s head, leaving her thoughts in a jumble. She gathered up all her strength in an attempt to focus and nodded her head in response. 

“You’re my oldest friend, Lily, and I feel awful that we went on the trip without you. I don’t even know how that happened.”

“I had forgotten all about it, too,” Lily admitted. “I only remembered that we had talked about it at all when my friend, Mary, brought it up on our first day back at school.”

“But how could that happen, Lils?” asked Cassie, exasperated. She held her head in her hands, as if to soothe a headache. “I reread our letters from last year, we had practically already booked the plane tickets!”

Lily took a deep, slow breath, desperate to push through her spinning thoughts. “I don’t know,” she said softly.

“My head’s been so up in the clouds lately,” Cassie continued, “and that’s no excuse for not including you on the trip, but I can’t imagine doing that to you if I was in a proper state of mind.”

Lily paused, her eyes widening. “Cassie, when you say you’re head’s been in the clouds… do you mean you’ve felt foggy?”

“Yes! Foggy, that’s it, exactly.” Cassie burst with excitement, as though Lily had just given her winning lottery numbers. “I told you in my letter, I nearly had a heart attack when I read your note. Or some kind of slow-motion panic attack.”

It was Lily’s turn to receive the winning numbers. A slow-motion panic attack. The perfect way to describe the feeling of her dizzy spells. Her jaw dropped. “I don’t think this was your fault, Cass.”

“No, it’s not fair. I went on the trip with Bess and Jill and you didn’t. How is it  _ not _ my fault?”

Lily racked her brain to come up with an answer that wouldn’t land her a hearing at the Ministry of Magic. 

Her dizzy spells were connected to magic, that she was certain of. Being transported to another place, as clear and real as her own, couldn’t have been the result of something from the Muggle world. Plus, there was James’ involvement to consider. No, these slow-motion panic attacks were magical, and Cassie experienced them, too. 

“Could you tell me about the trip?” asked Lily, and Cassie’s eyebrows quickly disappeared into her fringe. “I love you, Cassie, I’m not upset at all, I promise. But I would really like to hear about it. Where did you stay? What were the slopes like?”

“I mean… we stayed in a hotel. The mountains had a lot of different runs, we practically skied them all. It wasn’t too cold…”

Lily focused on the past four months with determination, trying to grasp onto every foggy spell she experienced while at Hogwarts. This would be the ultimate test.

“Did you ever go to a restaurant on the side of a mountain?” asked Lily. “One you could only get to on skis or a snowboard?”

“We did… it was called Allegro’s and they served decent fish and chips.”

“Was there a dining hall at the resort? With circular tables and a wall of windows looking out at the mountains?”

“Yeah actually, how did you know that?” said Cassie, her words catching in her throat, “The Christophe Brazier- that was the hotel we stayed at- had a dining room with a big buffet and a beautiful view…”

A powerful drum pounded in Lily’s chest as she watched Cassie’s eyes gloss over while she spoke. The mountainside restaurant and the dining room were real. Cassie had been there and Lily had seen them both in her dreamlike states. Could she even call it a dream anymore?

“Does he always look at you that way?” asked Cassie quietly, her eyes like glass, still looking somewhere far away. Lily couldn’t help but wonder if she looked just as distant and detached during her own episodes. 

She knew Cassie wasn’t in the cafe anymore, so she waited, a lump rising in her throat. 

“You know,” Cassie smirked, her expression eerily out of place, “he looks at you as though you’re the most interesting girl in the world.” She shrugged, as though she could see Lily’s response. “G’night Lily.”

Thoroughly spooked by Cassie’s ‘goodbye,’ Lily reached out and grabbed her hand across the table. “Cassie,” said Lily as the girl’s eyes snapped back into focus, “who looks at me like that?” 

Cassie’s wide eyes darted around the cafe, taking in her surroundings and finally landing on Lily. “A boy… a boy with dark hair and glasses.”

James.

Cassie ran her fingers through her hair, shaking her head. “Bloody hell, Lily, I swear I feel so bad about this situation, sometimes I insert you into my memories of the trip. Is that mad?”

“No,” said Lily, her hands starting to tremble as she held onto Cassie’s, “it’s not.”

A heaviness lept in her heart. As horrible and disorienting as the dizzy spells felt, and as much as Lily wouldn’t wish that kind of confusion on anyone, knowing Cassie shared her experience brought her a deep sense of relief. She wasn’t alone. 

Lily paused, thinking over her words carefully. “Sometimes I  _ imagine _ myself with you, Bess, and Jill on the ski trip. I’ve had day dreams ever since the summer about ski lifts and mountains and hot chocolate.”

Cassie furrowed her brow, deep in concentration. “You know, the other day Jill and I were talking about how we played blackjack one night at the hotel and she complained that you had won every game. I told her that was impossible because you weren’t there, but she was determined that you had been.”

Lily’s chest fluttered with excitement. “What’s Jill up to now?”

“She’s at work today,” said Cassie, sipping her tea. “She and Bess actually work at Barnaby’s, the bookstore, you remember?”

“We should go meet up with them,” said Lily, suddenly fidgety with the prospect of seeing the other girls. “After lunch of course.”

The server dropped off their plates of toasty sandwiches and Cassie nodded as she took a bite of her own. “They’d love that,” she responded through her full mouth.

They ate quickly- the sandwiches were delicious- and finished up their tea. Lily breathed in the simplicity of the Muggle world, marveling in its ability to sit still. Spending an afternoon in the neighborhood where she grew up, across from her childhood best friend, felt familiar and safe, but not quite like home. Every time she visited her parent's house, Lily realized more and more that magic was as much a part of her as her red hair or green eyes. She belonged in the Wizarding world, but her heart ached as she looked at Cassie and knew that she couldn’t share that part of her life with someone she loved so dearly. Even when that person had clearly been affected by magic, herself. 

A sudden boiling rage heated up in Lily’s stomach. She knew Cassie had been affected by magic and Lily couldn’t tell her anything about it. Not without facing severe consequences from the Ministry of Magic. Performing magic or revealing the secrets of their world to Muggles could result in losing her wand if the situation wasn’t life-threatening. But who determined what was considered ‘life-threatening?’ Having their minds tampered with may not result in death for her Muggle friends, but did that mean keeping them in the dark was the right thing to do?

Lily had the thought before she could process what she had just admitted. If she came to the conclusion that her friends' minds may have been magically tampered with, did that mean hers had been as well? 

Trying to make sense of her experiences and memories felt like reading a foreign language. Every now and then, she recognized a word, pieced together a thought, but mostly she was lost in unfamiliar lines and phrases. 

As she and Cassie buttoned up their coats and headed back outside towards the bookstore to say hello to Bess and Jill, Lily tried organizing her scattered mind. What exactly happened over the summer holiday? Had she stayed in Cokeworth the entire time like she thought before, or had she traveled to New Zealand with her Muggle friends? If she went on the ski trip, why didn’t she remember going? If she didn’t go on the trip, why did her Muggle friends have moments where they thought she had?

The bookstore sat just around the corner and down the street from the cafe, so they arrived sooner than Lily expected and her thoughts were quickly interrupted by dark curls bombarding her and Cassie as they walked through the shop doors. 

“Lily!” shouted Jill, cutting through the stuffy quiet of the store, throwing her arms around her in a tight hug. “Oh, I hoped that would be you two out there, I watched you walk all the way down the street.”

“Slow day then?” asked Cassie with a laugh.

“Don’t you know it,” scoffed Jill with an exaggerated eye-roll, leading them into the empty store. “Lily, I can’t believe what Cassie did, forgetting about you coming on our trip! But I keep telling her, I felt you there with us the whole time- obviously, I’d rather have you there for real instead of some bloody feeling… but that just means we’ll have to go back! No forgetting anyone next time.” She shot Cassie a playful glare and leaned against a bookshelf. 

“That sounds like a great idea to me,” Lily responded with a smile, trying to ignore the fog that settled around her after coming face to face with another character of her dizzy spells. She didn’t know how many more familiar faces she could take before succumbing to the foggy state.

“Cassie?” came a voice from across the shop. “Are you finished with your lunch with Lily? How did it go?” Bess turned the corner and immediately became a bright shade of pink as she realized Lily had come along to say hello. 

Lily met her and gave her a quick hug. “Hi Bess, it’s good to see you!”

“Er, hey Lily, sorry I didn’t realize…” she trailed off. Her eyes shifted to her other friends, clearly at a loss for words. Bess had always been shy, but sweet, so Lily stepped back and gave her some space. 

“I brought you both the rest of my toasty to finish if you’re interested,” said Cassie with a grin, pulling the half-sandwich wrapped in napkins out of her bag. Jill grabbed for the food and Bess quickly followed behind.

“Oh this is marvelous,” said Jill as she brought the toasty to the front desk where she had left a mug of tea. 

They gathered around the table and Bess took out a tin of biscuits from behind the counter to offer the others. Lily’s heart warmed being surrounded by her friends, but she kept eye contact to a minimum, hoping to keep any dizzy spells at bay. But when she glanced back at Jill and Bess, they were already staring at Lily, looking lost with glossy eyes.

“Hey Lily,” said Jill, looking towards Lily, but not directly at her, “are we meeting up with James and Sirius?”

At the sounds of their names, Lily lost the grip on her already foggy reality and the bookshelves melted around her, a cozy cabin-inspired room taking its place. But this time, she wasn’t confused where she landed. She was standing in the living room of their suite at the Christophe Brazier hotel, a view of the ski slopes clear from their window, and her Muggle friends surrounding her.

“No,” said Lily. She couldn’t think of anything worse than inviting Potter and Black to come skiing with them on their first day of the vacation. It was bad enough the two boys had somehow shown up at a Muggle ski resort halfway across the globe, although she had a sneaking suspicion they would play an important role in the following weeks…

“Why not?” complained Bess, pushing her bottom lip out in a pout.

“Come on Lils, they’re nice,” said Cassie.

“Yeah, they’re real charming,” said Lily, her voice dripping with sarcasm. But inside she chuckled at herself,  _ Oh Lily if only you knew how you’d feel about James in just a few short weeks… _

“Who are James and Sirius?” asked Cassie, her clear voice pulling Lily back to the bookstore where Jill and Bess also seemed to be recovering. “What the hell are you three talking about?”

“They’re Lily’s friends from school,” Jill replied, although she sounded unsure of herself as she spoke. She turned to Bess for reassurance, but the other girl was so pale, it looked as though she had seen a ghost.

“Are they coming to the bookstore, then?” asked Cassie, clearly the only one who had been left out of the shared vision.

Jill’s brows stitched together and she rubbed her forehead. “No, we were talking about skiing- I mean, I thought we were?”

Bess remained silent and Lily was too scared of saying anything out of place. The pain of watching her friends struggle with the magical alterations of their minds, the confusion playing on their faces, squeezed at her heart, causing a tightness in her chest. She couldn’t stay in the little shop any longer without feeling as though the bookshelves were about to fall on top and crush her.

“I’m so sorry you guys, but I have to go,” she breathed, pretending to check her watch. “I told my mum I’d be home soon, I should head out.”

Cassie looked upset but managed a smile. “Oh okay, Lil. It was great seeing you though. Please stop by again before you go, my parents would love to see you again.”

“And stop by the bookstore any time,” added Jill. “We’re here almost every day.”

Lily nodded and felt hot tears prick the corners of her eyes as she looked at the girls in front of her. “Thanks, I’ll definitely try. I miss you all a lot.” She moved in and gave them a massive hug, taking in the moment in hopes to never forget it. She couldn’t lose any more precious time with her childhood friends.

Finally, she let go, gave a little wave, and walked out the doors into the dark afternoon. It was only half-past five, but with the sun setting so early those days, it looked like the middle of the night. 

She briskly walked down the sidewalk, crossing the street and turning a corner to cut through the big field that separated Lily’s and Cassie’s houses. Luckily, the frigid air stopped any possibility of her welling tears spilling over onto her cheeks, instead freezing them delicately among her eyelashes. Emotion swelled in her chest after everything she had realized that afternoon. Something had happened to her and her friends. And someone had tampered with her memories. Would she ever know the truth? Had she lost a section of her life? 

She stormed across the field and came upon the pond and willow tree where she had spent so many of her younger years. All the hours running around with Sev, daring each other to perform wandless magic before they received their first Hogwarts letters, came flooding back like a blow to her stomach. The afternoons sitting with Cassie, doing their gradeschool Maths homework and chasing frogs, the evenings playing make-believe with Jill and Petunia, all the memories she cherished rushed back and made her long for every moment of her life that had since been forgotten.

Staring down at the pond’s frozen surface, she wondered how much laid underneath, lost until the thawing of the spring.

With a sniff, Lily composed herself and looked up from the pond and towards the willow tree. She nearly screamed when she saw a young deer with impressive antlers standing behind the tree. It stared at her, but lacked the tensed nature of most wild animals. Something was off about the stag and Lily tested the creature, taking a quick step towards him. He didn’t flinch.

Curious, she continued towards the deer, who began backing away slowly around the tree, as if trying to hide from her view. Her mind became muddled again as she felt a sudden recognition towards the animal and the strange circular pattern around its eyes. When she made it around to the other side of the tree, she gasped as everything fell into place. 

A large, shaggy black dog stood behind the stag, wagging its tail. She had seen these two animals during her episode on the Hogwarts Express. They were the animals James and Sirius had transformed into. They  _ were _ James and Sirius.

She knew it was the boys, but that didn’t make speaking to them any stranger. “Potter?” she whispered. “Black? Is that you?”

The dog and stag shared a glance in a way real animals never would, but they didn’t move. After six years at Hogwarts with the Marauders, Lily knew more than anyone how stubborn they could be. They weren’t going to surrender their positions. But if they knew her, they should have guessed she wouldn’t give up so easily.

Lily dramatically lifted her hands to her head, feigning an abrupt headache. Now that she had seen one of her dizzy spells from an outsider’s perspective, she wracked her face to sit in an oblivious looking frown and unfocused her eyes, hoping for a glossed-over effect. And for the final cherry on top, she swayed slightly from side to side before letting her knees buckle, sending her to the ground. 

Although she had closed her eyes for effect, she immediately heard the scurrying sounds of feet running over to where she lay next to the willow.

“Shit,” cursed James and Lily could feel his warm hand on her shoulder and another reaching to prop up her head. “Padfoot, help me out here. We’ve got to get her home, do y’know which house is hers?”

“Bugger if I know!” Sirius shouted back. “You’re the one who insisted we come here in the first place!”

“And bloody good thing we did because look what just happened!”

“That was our fault, you tosser!”

“It  _ was _ your fault,” said Lily, opening her eyes to look up at James. He responded with a shout.

“Merlin, Evans, what the hell!” he yelled, grabbing a hold on her arms as she sat up from her position on the cold ground.

“I could ask you the same, what the hell are you doing here?” She looked back and forth between the two boys, who both seemed to have lost their ability to speak. It was bizarre seeing them surrounded by the landscape of her childhood. “Are you stalking me, Potter?”

“No!” said James, though behind him, Sirius was distinctively nodding his head yes.

“Then what reason would you two have running around Cokeworth disguised as animals? How did you even get here?”

“Sirius is of age now, so he Aparated us,” said James with a guilty grimace. “And I swear I wasn’t stalking you, it’s just… Mary asked us to check in on you.”

“She what?” Lily was stunned.

Sirius stepped forward and crouched down to join them on the ground. “After what happened to you on the train, Mary was worried- we were all worried- and since I’m the only one who’s seventeen, she suggested I come make sure you were doing alright back at home.”

“And Sirius lives with me at my parent’s place now, so that’s why I came with,” said James.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s the only reason…”

James’ ears turned so red, his blush was even visible through the dark. Lily stared at him and he met her gaze, causing the familiar hollow feeling to spread through her chest. His and Sirius’ names being spoken by Jill back in the bookstore rang through her ears and she took a deep breath.

“What happened over the summer holiday?” she said.

James and Sirius exchanged glances. “What do you mean?” asked Sirius slowly.

“What happened at the ski resort? You both were there, I know you were.”

“What do  _ you _ know about the ski resort?” asked James, his voice hoarse and his entire body as tense as a plank.

Lily needed answers and she narrowed her eyes, knowing that they knew more than they were letting on. “You know that’s where I’ve been  _ going to, _ James,” she said with hard determination. “When I drift off, I go to the mountains. I see you and Sirius and my Muggle friends.” She turned to Sirius and pointed at him. “You know my friend, Cassie. You’ve said her name to me before and there’s no reason for you to know her. You both owe me an explanation.”

James buried his face in his hands and ran his fingers through his wild hair. “Shit, Lily, I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” she asked, getting frustrated with his indirectness. 

“We’re not supposed to tell you anything.”

“Not supposed to- who told you-?”

“You got Obliviated,” said Sirius. James spun around in shock. 

“Sirius,” he snapped, “You can’t-”

“Come on mate, look at what she’s been through!” said Sirius, throwing his arms back. “She deserves to know. It was an accident, and technically you weren’t fully Obliviated, but you lost a chunk of your memories.”

Lily’s heart dropped. Her visions were memories after all. As her reality crashed around her, she felt a hole of sorrow open up in her chest, making room to properly mourn what she had lost. 

“The healers said we couldn’t tell her-” started James, but Sirius cut in again, brushing him off.

“The healers said she had a chance at remembering, but how could she remember something she doesn’t think ever happened!”

“I thought I was dreaming,” said Lily softly and the two boys snapped their attention back towards her. “I thought I was going crazy.”

James slumped forward on his knees, clearly pained by her words.

“What do you know so far?” he asked after a moment of silence. “We can’t tell you about anything you haven’t remembered yet or it could jeopardize your recovery, but I can talk about what you already know.” 

The word ‘recovery’ rang through her ears. It was the first time she considered the possibility of actually returning to normal. Her heart soared.

“I only know bits and pieces so far,” said Lily, her heart rate picking up as she spoke. “I know the both of you were there along with Cassie, Jill, and Bess. There was a hot tub outdoors where we could see the mountains and watch the snow fall. We went skiing and ran into Death Eaters at a restaurant on the slopes. Why did Death Eaters show up?”

“You’ll find out,” grumbled Sirius.

“So what? I just wait it out and hope the memories come back?” Lily felt exasperated.

“Lily,” said James softly, “you’ve already remembered so much. And clearly you’re triggered by certain things… we could help, er, push you in the right direction, if you’d like.”

She felt a warmth in her chest as she looked at James. He really was something else, determined to take any challenge head on. She thought of the memory that she and the girls had experienced back in the bookshop. That version of Lily in their hotel room couldn’t stand the thought of spending any amount of time with James and Sirius. What had happened in between then and now that made her look so fondly at the boy in front of her? She had a feeling she would find out soon.

“I’d like that a lot,” she said with a smile. 

“Excellent,” grinned James. “We’ll get started the first day back at Hogwarts.” He got to his feet and reached a hand out to help Lily up. She gladly accepted and looked back and forth between the two boys in front of her. 

“I look forward to it,” she responded.

“Be careful,” said Sirius with a smirk, “if you’re too nice to him, you’ll never get rid of him.”

“Maybe I don’t want to,” said Lily, surprising even herself. James’ jaw dropped to the floor, so she rolled her eyes and turned back to Sirius. “Thank you for telling me the truth, Sirius. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, Evans,” said Sirius, looking slightly bashful. “You don’t know it yet, but we’re actually really good friends now.”

“I’ll find out soon enough,” she said and stepped forward to give him a hug. James, still flustered from her previous words, just looked on with wide eyes. “Now get him home in one piece, Black.”

Sirius let out a barking laugh, reached out for James’ arm and Aparated them both away. In a moment, Lily was alone again, the field so quiet, it felt as though she had dreamt the past half hour. 

When she finally made it back to her parent’s home, her mother and father were sitting in the living room, watching a show on the television. Her mum perked up as soon as Lily walked in the door.

“Oh, dear, how was your lunch with Cassie?”

“Really lovely, Mum, she says hello, of course.”

“Such a sweetheart, I always loved Cassie,” her mum responded. “Tell her she’s welcome here anytime. And oh Lily, you had a package delivered by a couple of owls earlier today. I assumed it was one of your friends from school, possibly, so I just left it in your bedroom.”

“Oh, thanks, mum,” said Lily, curious about who the package could be from. 

She hurried up the stairs to her bedroom and found a large parcel wrapped in sturdy brown paper lying at the foot of her bed. She quickly tore the paper off and found a pile of clothes folded up inside. They were  _ her _ clothes. A knitted scarf lay on top, a few stitches missing, but otherwise in decent shape. After that, lay a neatly folded turtleneck her mother had bought her for Christmas the year before that she thought she’d misplaced at school. Then, she unpacked a pair of jeans she hadn’t seen in ages. 

At the bottom of the package, Lily’s heart stilled as she looked down at her old winter jacket she thought she lost over the summer holiday. It was bright blue with three colorful block stripes racing across the top half of the coat. It looked a little worse for wear, especially towards the collar where Lily noticed a dark, ominous bloodstain. Without thinking, she found herself grasping her neck where Mary had found that mysterious scar. 

There was still so much she didn’t understand. 

She grabbed the jacket and hugged it towards her chest like a lost teddy bear as she flipped the paper around to find a return address. Finally, in small, fine script, she read, “St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies.”

She pulled the jacket tighter to her chest, desperate to keep it safe as if it may disappear on her again, and buckled over, finally allowing the tears to spill out and stream down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading- all my love goes to you readers this Valentine's <3
> 
> I had this chapter in my mind since starting this fic and it was a blast to write. I do consider this story to be quite experimental, so if anything is confusing or unclear, please let me know! I write fanfiction as a way to grow and improve my writing, so constructive criticism is always appreciated :)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and feel free to stop by my tumblr @the-dream-team to say hi!


	12. The Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Raindrops!
> 
> This chapter took a while to write, but I think it's a fun one :) A lot of conversations, a couple refreshers, and some *feelings*
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The soft swishing of Lily’s jacket, light and melodic with each passing step, calmed her like a familiar heartbeat. Most students on the train back to Hogwarts had already changed into their robes, but Lily clung onto her Muggle clothes. The ski jacket had a pleasant smell of familiarity just out of reach, like a lost word stuck on the tip of her tongue. 

Of course, she knew where the smell came from. Her jacket, its blue colour fading and stitches fraying, was the only physical proof Lily had of the summer ski trip she could no longer remember. The scents of cedar, smoke, and something sweet, but earthy, must have belonged to the mountains of New Zealand. Lily just wished she could place the memories associated with the comforting smell. 

“Please keep your owls inside of the compartments,” called Dorcas Meadows as a gaggle of third years opened their doors, letting their birds fly into the train’s corridor. “Bloody hell, she mumbled to Lily, “you’d think some things would be common sense.”

Lily chuckled as the third years chased after their escaping owls and shouted their rushed apologies. “Come on, Dor,” she said, bumping Dorcas’ shoulder with her own, “you’re gonna miss those little prats causing mischief during rounds once you’ve graduated.”

“Unlikely,” she snorted, but her face became stony as they passed a carriage filled with Slytherins. “Did you hear about Felicity?”

Lily’s heart stilled. She hadn’t heard anything from Felicity since the day of her attack at Hogsmeade. “No, is she okay?”

“Her parents pulled her out of school, she’s not coming back.”

“No way,” said Lily in disbelief. 

“Can you blame them? They’re Muggles, you know…”

“I definitely know,” said Lily, her tone colder than she wished. 

Dorcas paused. “It makes me sick that she had to leave and Avery gets to walk around the school scott free, like nothing happened.” 

“Dumbledore makes some questionable decisions sometimes,” Lily responded. A twitch of anger sparking in her chest at the thought of Avery. 

“That man frustrates me,” said Dorcas, lowering her voice as they passed a group of first years crowding around the trolley. “I know he’s basically the main opposition against You-Know-Who, but he’s too soft with those Slytherin wannabe Death Eaters. I can’t stand it.”

Lily’s thoughts drifted to Severus against her will. “He thinks he can save them from themselves,” she said. _I know what that’s like._

They spent the rest of their patrol quiet, lost in their own thoughts as the train trudged forward through the Scotland Highlands.

When Lily finally entered the Great Hall for dinner (after an hour spent helping a crying first year who had forgotten her pet toad at home) she immediately scanned the tables in search of Mary. They had only spoken briefly on the phone over the holiday and Lily hoped the time spent with family helped her friend recover after Felicity’s attack. But Mary wasn’t in her usual seat next to Marlene.

“Lily!” greeted Marlene, leaping up from the table to give her a hug. Elizabeth Wood smiled from her seat in between bites of shepherds pie and Lily waved back at her over Marlene’s shoulder.

“How was your break, Marl?” 

“Oh, it was lovely! My brother took off a week of work and we spent Christmas in Edinburg with our grandparents.”

“That sounds lovely,” said Lily. “Hey, have you seen Mary?”

Marlene sighed and shared a glance with Elizabeth. “She went up to the dorms already, she said she wasn’t hungry.”

Lily’s heart weighed heavy in her chest. Without a second thought, she grabbed a plate and piled it with potatoes, drumsticks, and dinner rolls before giving Marlene’s shoulder a squeeze and heading off to Gryffindor Tower. 

When she finally made it back to the sixth year girl’s dormitory, Lily found Mary curled up in her quilt, sitting on the window ledge, her forehead pressed against the glass. She jumped when she heard the door open, but smiled softly when she saw the intruder was just Lily carrying an overflowing plate of food.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Lily,” she said as she plucked a drumstick off the platter. 

Lily shook her head in response. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Did you have a nice time with your family?”

Mary’s weight shifted back towards the window, her heavy head finding its spot on the glass once more. “It was so lovely.”

Lily crawled up onto the windowsill and snuck her feet under Mary’s quilt. “You didn’t want to come back, huh?”

Silence lingered as Mary’s eyes shifted to the floor. “I’ve been so scared about coming back after what happened to Felicity. I feel like a coward.”

“No,” said Lily, reaching out to grab Mary’s hands, “you’d be a fool if you weren’t scared. I’m scared.” Mary’s watery, dark brown eyes shot up to meet Lily’s. “ _I am._ We go to school with dangerous people who hate our very existence, but you put those bastards in their place every day by showing up and being yourself.”

A tear escaped Mary’s eye and streamed down her cheek. “It’s so damn hard being Muggleborn sometimes,” she said, her voice wavering, “but I’m so glad I have you by my side.”

“I’ll never let anything happen to you, Mary. And there are other people here who have our backs, as well.”

“Other people like James Potter?” said Mary slyly. Lily grabbed a bread roll and threw it at her. “Hey! I don’t hear you telling me I’m wrong!”

They laughed together, Lily avoiding her accusation, and settled in to finish eating their food, falling back into their usual conversations filled with gossip, inside jokes, and Mary’s latest fun facts about some obscure magical plant. Reuniting with Mary felt like coming home after a long journey and Lily was beyond grateful to see her friend’s smile again.

“So,” said Mary through a mouthful of potatoes, “I heard you had some visitors over the break.”

Lily froze. Of course, it had been Mary’s idea in the first place for Sirius and James to check up on her in Cokeworth after what had happened on the train ride home. Lily narrowed her eyes, not enjoying the fact that Mary had her own line of communication with the boys. “You heard correctly…”

“They wouldn’t tell me much of what happened, but I heard your dizzy spells were discussed.” She eyed Lily, clearly looking for the full story. 

“I was Obliviated,” said Lily softly, dropping her focus to her hands.

“You were _what?_ ” gasped Mary, dropping her potato wedge onto the plate.

Lily took a deep breath. “I did end up going on the ski trip with Cassie, Bess, and Jill. But something happened and we all had our memories altered.” Lily looked back up at Mary’s horrified expression. “Somehow, James and Sirius were there too, or involved in some kind of way, I’m not sure. Apparently, no one’s supposed to tell me about what happened or it could ruin any chance I have at recovering memories.”

“Lily-” started Mary, but she faltered, unsure of what to say.

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Mary shaking her head in shock. She hated the pitying look in her eye, like Lily was a lost puppy in need of a hug. Maybe she was. 

“So this whole time,” continued Mary after finding her voice, “when you thought James had you under a Love Potion because of the way your foggy spells made you feel about him, you were actually reliving memories of your trip… what could have possibly happened between you two?”

Lily’s face burned at whatever Mary could be implying, and she desperately tried hiding the blush by scratching her nose. She had spent a good deal of time analyzing what memories she had recovered thus far and wrapping her mind around what it meant to lose a chunk of her life, but every time her thoughts started traveling in James’ direction, something inside her squashed the instinct to explore those feelings further, sealing that line of thinking in a locked box inside her chest and throwing away the key. 

Mary was staring at her intently, but without the usual teasing look she usually wore whenever James’ name had been brought up through the years. 

“Something must have happened,” said Lily, her cheeks burning hotter every second, throat closing as if scared she might admit to something that her mind hadn’t approved of yet. “The last I can remember, I hated Potter. Well, not _hated,_ but... y’know. He’s an arrogant twit.” Mary smirked, but let Lily continue. “So it’s just really bloody frustrating that suddenly he’s so _involved_ in my life and I can’t remember why.”

“Hmm,” Mary hummed, a stomach-churning gleam in her eye that made Lily avert her gaze out of what? Embarrassment?

Suddenly, Lily heard a voice from outside their room and she was thankful for the distraction. “I hope you two are in the mood for fudge!” called Danielle as she, Elizabeth, and Marlene burst through the doorway.

“I mean, we couldn’t possibly turn down dessert,” said Lily, reaching out to grab a piece from the napkin Danielle nicked from the Great Hall. Mary laughed and graciously accepted the treats as well.

“Oh Lily,” said Marlene as she tossed her robes into her dresser, “James and Sirius wanted me to pass along a message for you…”

Lily perked up, ignoring Mary's gaping grin and kicks under their shared blankets. “Oh really?” she said, attempting to keep her voice casual. 

“Yeah,” Marlene replied, “they said you needed to meet them in their dorm and that you’d know what that meant?”

“You better hurry along, hun,” said Mary with wide eyes, “sounds important!”

“Oh, hush, you,” said Lily, hopping off the window ledge and flicking Mary’s arm. “Thanks, Marlene. Probably has something to do with, er, our Potions project.”

“I don’t know what Potions project you’re referring to!” called Marlene as Lily slid out the door and made her way down to the Common Room. 

James had promised, that night by the willow tree, that he’d help her trigger her lost memories, and the excitement of that prospect propelled her quickly through Gryffindor Tower. Her heart thudded with anticipation as she made her way up the boy’s staircase, a swishing sound and pleasant smell reminding her she hadn’t even stopped to take off her jacket. The earthy, sweet scent coming from her coat’s collar calmed her nerves as she approached the Marauder’s door. She breathed deeply through her nose, wondering if she would learn any more about where that scent might have come from soon.

Before even having the chance to knock, the wooden door swung open revealing a grinning James Potter on the other side, his hand already buried in his wavy hair. “Hey, Evans, glad you got our message. Hang on-” He reached out and grabbed the sleeve of her jacket. “That looks familiar!”

She tried not to think about his hand brushing against her wrist. “I wore this on the ski trip, didn’t I?”

“You did,” he said, his smile softening.

He led her through the door and showed her a comfy-looking armchair that looked suspiciously like the others down in the Common Room. She held her tongue, deciding now wasn’t the time to be a stickler about school rules, and took a seat across from the rest of the boys.

“Hi Lily,” Remus smiled, a pile of books in his lap and an arm haphazardly perched on the back of Sirius’ chair beside him. On his other side, Peter waved a greeting. 

“Hey,” she responded shyly. The semicircle they formed around her felt like she had been caught in an intervention. She became suddenly conscious that she was alone with them in their space without any of the other girls by her side as a buffer. It was strange, but not uncomfortable. 

“How was the rest of your holiday?” asked Sirius with a kind smile she would never have associated with him before.

“Good, thanks,” she responded. “Spent a good deal of it reflecting, of course.”

Sirius let out a laugh. “I can imagine!” Remus kicked him in the shins, but Sirius brushed him off, sending a ridiculous wink in Lily’s direction. 

“Alright,” said James, taking his seat next to Lily, “enough chit chat, let’s get started.”

“Okay, Professor Potter,” said Sirius, earning a swat on his shoulder from Remus.

“Detention, Mr. Black,” laughed James, as if it might have physically pained him to not go along with Sirius’ bit. Peter snickered in his seat and Remus rolled his eyes. “Alright, calm down, boys. This is the start of our most ambitious and most important project to date: recovering Lily Evans’ lost memories.” 

He turned from his friends to address Lily directly. “We’re going to get this sorted together, Evans.”

Appreciation swelled in her chest. “Thank you.”

“Moony, the books, if you may.” James reached out to grab the pile of hardcovers. “Here are all the best books from the Library on Memory Charms and memory modification.”

Lily stared at the books. “When could you possibly have had time to go to the Library?” She looked up to James, whose cheeks were turning pink.

“Oh, Prongs checked out those books back in September,” said Sirius, eyebrows raised.

“He’s had Madam Pince hunting him down for months,” added Peter with a wild smirk.

Lily glanced at Remus for confirmation and he just shrugged through his own sly smile.

James blinked at his friends with a pointed frown, but they ignored his discomfort, chuckling amongst themselves. Lily avoided James’ eyes, feeling the back of her own neck becoming hot. 

“Alright, that’s enough of that,” said James, fluffing his fringe and clearing his throat. “There’s a lot of interesting information here about the side effects of Obliviate and different methods of memory erasure that are used in wizarding hospitals.” He handed over the books, still avoiding eye contact. “I’ve made some notes here and there… things you might find helpful.”

“But we’re not here to do a book report,” cut in Sirius, leaning forward in his seat. “Tonight, we want to figure out what triggers your flashbacks, so we can figure out the best way to bring them on in a secure setting.”

He stood up and walked around to a large tapestry on the wall, pulling it back to reveal a classroom-sized blackboard underneath. Grabbing a piece of chalk, he quickly wrote “Memory Triggers” up at the top in curvy lettering.

“So Lily,” said James, finally managing to look her in the eye again, “tell us everything that brings on your memories of the trip.”

A lump formed in Lily’s throat that refused to be gulped down. Now she was the one avoiding James’ gaze, knowing that she perfectly well couldn’t list his smile as being at the top of the list.

“Snowflakes,” she said quickly, thinking of the least dangerous option. “The snow is almost hypnotic, some of my most vivid episodes have been during snowfalls.”

Sirius jotted that down on the blackboard. 

“Which memories have been triggered by snow?” asked Remus.

“When Sirius charmed the snow to fall in the Prefects bathroom that night, I was transported to an outdoor pool, surrounded by mountains. And then at The Three Broomsticks I had flashbacks to a restaurant on the side of a mountain. The same mountain where two Death Eaters attacked.”

Jumping out of his seat, James crossed to the blackboard and grabbed his own piece of chalk. He drew a long horizontal line across the board and started making dashes and adding Lily’s memories at various points. She stared at it for a moment before realizing he was compiling a timeline. She continued on, more determined than before.

“The month before break, when it was snowing almost every day, my mind was in a constant foggy state, like I was in purgatory in between worlds.” Remus pulled out a piece of parchment to jot down his own notes and Peter reached for a chocolate bar, watching everything play out like he was at a Muggle movie theater. 

“But it wasn’t until the train ride home that I had another clear flashback.”

“That’s when I mentioned New Zealand!” squealed Peter, excited to be contributing. 

“Good call, Wormtail,” said Remus, giving him a pat on the back as Peter beamed. “What was that memory about, Lily?”

“I was on a plane with Cassie, Bess, and Jill,” said Lily, straining to remember the details. “We were on our way to New Zealand and I remember thinking I was really excited to be getting away from magic for a month.” She paused. “But somehow I knew that the trip was going to turn out differently than I had expected.”

“That’s really interesting,” said James, looking over his timeline. “But it isn’t only snow that triggers you. Remember after the Halloween party when you had a flashback about jumping off somewhere over snow?”

“From the ski lift!” said Lily, as if she had always known. “We were on a ski lift together!”

James nodded with a smile stretching across his face. “But there wasn’t any snow over Halloween, so where did the memory come from?”

Lily stilled. “We were arguing in the corridor,” she said, picking her words carefully.

“I would argue we were bantering.”

“Same thing.”

“Well, they’re a little different.”

“Oh Merlin, you two, save it for later,” Sirius huffed, rolling his eyes.

“So, it was James who triggered the memory?” asked Remus, his face not giving away any emotion.

“It must have been the bench,” said Lily quickly. “We were sitting on a bench, it must have reminded me of the ski lift.” She kept her focus on Remus but could feel James’ stare from across the room. She blinked.

“Well,” said Sirius, breaking the tension as he crossed back over to his seat next to Remus, “I think snow is a good starting place.”

James made his way to his own chair as well. “Would you be up for a test run tonight?” 

“Oh,” said Lily, taken by surprise, “I guess we could try.” The reality of losing control in front of the boys to memories she couldn’t predict started to sink in and her pulse quickened. 

“Okay, you just relax,” said James with a reassuring smile, “and we’ll do the rest.” He nodded to Sirius who pulled out his wand, casting a cloud above their heads which proceeded to open up, leaving a flurry of snowflakes in its wake. 

As she watched the snowflakes fall, the foggy feeling crept up around her eyes and clouded her mind. She let herself sit in the familiar, dizzy state and willed her mind to wander. Thoughts of pine trees drifted by, rolling mountains and snowballs making themselves clearer, but no substantial memories took over.

James and Sirius exchanged looks and Sirius walked over to his trunk, opening it up to search through the contents. When he came back in front of Lily, letting the snow fall onto his head and get stuck in his eyelashes, he held out an orange slip of paper. She took it and flipped it over to find a smiley face below the word “CHILD” in all capital letters.

The walls dissolved around her as she studied the piece of paper only looking back up when a man shouted, “Orange beginners over here!”

“Alright, Padfoot,” said James as he led Sirius towards the man surrounded by children dressed head to toe in snow gear, “you’ll be good now, won't you?”

“Don’t fight with the other children and remember your manners!” Lily called after him, sharing a smile with James. She felt lighter than air. It was exhilarating to be joking _with_ James for once instead of being on the receiving end of his taunts. 

They left Sirius with his ski school class and started heading towards the lift. She saw the sign reading ‘Three to a chair’ and felt uneasy about her friends leaving her to be stuck with James…

Someone tugged at her arm, bringing her immediately back to the boy’s dorm, but she wasn’t sitting in her chair anymore. James had a hold on her and she was shocked to see that she had almost walked straight out their door.”

“It worked!” said James, beaming. He dropped her arm and ran back to the blackboard where he scribbled ‘Sirius Ski School’ near the front of his timeline. She looked around in shock and Remus, Sirius, and Peter’s equally excited faces. 

This might actually work. 

“That was brilliant,” said Remus getting up from his seat, Sirius hopping along behind him, his hands perched on Remus’ shoulders.

“I want you to know, Evans,” chimed in Sirius, “that I ended up being the best snowboarder in the class. I barely even needed to be there.”

“Sure, Black,” laughed Lily, remembering the swarms of seven-year-olds surrounding him on the slope, “but we all know you wouldn’t have been in that class if you hadn’t tumbled halfway down the mountain like some magnificent human snowball.” She froze for a minute in shock as Sirius’ jaw dropped. “Hey! I remembered that on my own!”

“Evans!” cheered Sirius, running over to Lily to wrap her in a massive hug. “Look at you!” She squealed as he picked her up and spun her around in celebration. “Hold on,” he said, setting her down and taking a step back, “is this your ski jacket?”

She smiled at him and nodded, still giddy from successfully remembering something on her own. 

He reached out and touched the fabric, examining it as if it carried its own secrets. And then, in a bizarre move, Sirius leaned down and sniffed near her collar. “It bloody stinks of James.”

Every muscle in Lily’s body tensed and she couldn’t stop herself from snapping her head to meet James’ stare from across the room. A hot flush flooded her face as she realized he was the sweet, earthy smell that had comforted her ever since receiving the coat in the mail. 

But how had James possibly left his scent on her jacket?

That wasn’t something she needed to find out tonight. 

“I think I should head back to bed,” she said, still looking at James, unable to tear herself away from his wide eyes. 

“Yes, that should be enough for tonight,” said Remus, his own gaze shifting between James and Lily. 

“Thank you for your help tonight, all of you,” she said, taking a breath in an attempt to control her growing blush. 

“We’ll meet here again tomorrow after classes,” said Sirius.

“I have Quidditch practice,” said James, rubbing his nose under his glasses.

“Well, the world doesn’t revolve around you, mate,” teased Sirius. “We can get started without you.”

“That sounds great,” said Lily. “Thank you again.” She gave them all one last look before heading out of their dorm and back down the stairs. 

She let out a long, shaky breath as she held her burning face in her hands, willing the color to fade from her cheeks. And then, before she could stop herself, she pulled her jacket up to her nose and breathed in its scent. James’ scent. 

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I've had the pleasure of writing these past few chapters during some picturesque snowstorms and it's really helped set the mood :)
> 
> Lemme know your thoughts and feel free to come say hi over on tumblr @the-dream-team !
> 
> <3


	13. Obliviate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back to Raindrops!
> 
> This chapter's a bit of a doozy, so buckle up and I hope you enjoy the ride!

_Over the years, authorities have debated the ethics surrounding Forgetfulness Charms, such as Obliviate, when used on Muggles and Wizards alike. Some consider memories to be directly linked to identity and therefore erasing one’s memories would inherently disrupt one’s natural rights. However, most Wizards and Witches would agree that memory modification is an acceptable price to pay to continue the secrecy of the Wizarding World from the Muggle population._

_Furthermore, renowned Healer and member of the Order of Merlin, Markanthony Travers, argued that the Obliviate Charm does not technically erase memories, but instead represses them. Travers famously addressed St Mungo’s Board of Advisories advocating for the use of the spell against Muggles, claiming that memories are not “stolen,” as they can, in theory, be_ _reignited_ _under the proper circumstances._

“Miss Evans, can you tell the class which year the Gargoyle Strikes took place?” Professor Binns’ raspy voice barely carried through the classroom, but it was enough to make Lily jump as she quickly hid the book on Forgetfulness Charms under her desk.

“Er, 1911, sir?” 

“That is correct, Miss Evans…”

She relaxed, and once Binns had moved on from asking questions, slowly went back to her reading that had absolutely nothing to do with History of Magic. 

Lily’s eyes drifted across the page to the margins of the book, where someone had scrawled, **_Not stolen, just repressed_ ** _,_ in simple lettering. A small sketch of a padlock and key sat under the annotation, and Lily couldn’t help but glance across the room at the boy who had left so many notes and illustrations throughout the chapters. 

James Potter twirled his quill through his fingers, his head propped up by his hand as he stared out the window towards the Quidditch Pitch. He looked down at his blank parchment, tossed his quill onto his desk, and shot a look around the classroom, landing on Lily. They locked eyes and he looked startled, as though he hadn’t expected to meet her gaze. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized he’d been the one to catch _her_ staring and not the other way around. With an attempt at a casual smile, she lifted up the book he had lent her on Memory Charms. His eyes widened and he returned her gesture with a proper grin. 

A hollowness spread through her chest at his smile and a flash of panic pulled her away from James and back to her reading. She really couldn’t let herself get carried away. Having a flashback in the middle of class would be less than favorable. 

Luckily, it wasn’t long before the end of the lesson and soon Professor Binns was assigning more chapters from their textbooks as his class eagerly packed up their bags. Mary didn’t even bother sorting her own papers, instead opting to shove her parchment and quills blindly into her bag. At least she had put her things away. When Lily turned to Marlene, she hadn’t touched her parchment, seemingly too preoccupied watching Elizabeth and her friends in Hufflepuff attempting to use shrinking spells on their textbooks.

“Looks like she could use some help with that,” said Mary with a quirked brow.

“Yeah,” said Marlene, not bothering to look Mary’s way, “yeah, I should go help her.”

Lily and Mary exchanged a wide-eyed look as Marlene scurried across the classroom, leaving her things behind at their desk. 

“Alright, Evans?” asked James, approaching the girls with Peter in tow. “Looked like you were enjoying Binns’ lesson today.” With a cocked brow, he ran his fingers through his hair, but his smile was friendly and pleasant. 

“You know, Potter,” Lily said, closing the book after marking her spot with a dried leaf from the whomping willow, “Madam Pince is going to have you expelled for all the doodling you’ve done in her books.”

A look that could almost be described as bashful crossed his face. “Oh yeah, sorry ‘bout that. It’s an old habit, I like to draw when I read. It helps me remember things.” He shrugged. “But don’t worry too much about it, I dropped Pince a few Galleons for all the books, so I’m not giving them back now.”

Lily scoffed. “It’s a library, not a bookstore, Potter.”

James threw an arm around Peter as he let out a laugh. “That’s _exactly_ what Madam Pince told me! Have you considered becoming a librarian, Evans? Now _that_ I would love to see.” He shot her a wink so comical, she nearly gagged. He was insufferable. But as he scooped up Lily’s bag and slung it over his shoulder before they finally left the classroom, she had a hard time controlling the butterflies fluttering up a storm in her stomach. Best to ignore that for now.

They headed down the corridors in pairs, Mary and Peter in front, discussing a new strain of Dittany that Sprout had planted in the greenhouses, and Lily and James behind, flipping through the book she had been reading in class. 

“Have you gotten to the chapter where they talk about the different Obliviate variations they use at Mungo’s?” asked James, thumbing through the index. 

“No, but that sounds really helpful,” She grabbed the book back from James to see the page number. 

“Oh, look at this poor dote,” said Mary, gesturing to a tiny first year lugging a heavy load of books. 

“Olivia!” shouted James, recognizing the frizzy-haired Gryffindor as she dragged her bookbag behind her down the hall. Her head shot up, eyes filled with worry, but a smile burst forward as she saw it was James calling her name. 

“Hullo, James!”

“Do you have the entire library stuffed into your bag there?” he asked as he jogged over to the girl, who could have been half his height. She craned her neck to look up at him and her smile faltered. 

“Some older kids used a Weight Charm on my bag,” she sniffed, “and I can’t carry it anymore. I’m going to be late for Potions now…”

“Not on my watch!” said James, pulling out his wand and casting a quick Feather-lite Charm. The bookbag, which Olivia had been tugging on, flew up into the air, nearly hitting James in the face if he hadn’t dodged away at the last second. 

“Wow!” cried Olivia, her eyes wide as she adjusted to the new lightness of her bag.

Lily walked over, rummaging in her cloak for a few stray quills. “As for being late to Potions,” she said with a quick wave of her wand, turning the old quills into a small bouquet, “tell Professor Slughorn you ran into me on the way and I requested you bring him these flowers.” She handed Olivia the lavender sprigs mixed with eucalyptus and stems of baby’s-breath, and the girl’s jaw dropped as she accepted the gift. 

“Thank you!”

They watched Olivia hurry off down the corridor, her weightless bookbag in one hand and a handful of flowers in the other, and Lily couldn’t help but smile at the way James beamed after her. She couldn’t believe it, but she thought he might have actually made a pretty good Prefect.

“Oh, shit,” said James suddenly, handing Lily’s bookbag back to her, “I’m gonna be late for practice!” He secured his own bag across his chest and took off running down the hall, spinning around to call back, “Evans! I’ll see you in our dorm as soon as we’re finished with this scrimmage!” before taking off around the corner. 

Mary said her goodbyes soon after, as she had a meeting with Professor Sprout about a new collection of Mandrakes coming to the gardens, leaving Lily and Peter to make their way back to the Gryffindor Tower by themselves. 

“Are you excited to recover more memories?” asked Peter, looking quite excited, himself.

“I don’t know if _excited_ is the best word,” she said with a chuckle. “It’s kind of stressful if I’m being honest. Not knowing what memories are going to pop up… and then reliving them in front of you all is a bit awkward.” She looked down and her feet and suddenly took interest in a thread that came loose from her sleeve.

“Well, it’s nothing they haven’t seen before,” Peter pointed out with a nod. “It’s already happened once to them, y’know. I wish I could have gone, too. I still can’t believe Remus managed to go, but I guess his parents didn’t know. I begged my mum, actually, but she thinks Summer is for family.” 

“So Remus was there as well?” asked Lily, a few pieces of the puzzle falling together. 

Peter went white as a ghost. “Oh, er… I mean, bollocks. We’re not supposed to tell you anything!”

“No, it’s okay,” said Lily reassuringly. “I assumed he showed up at some point. In one of my flashbacks, I remember thinking that Remus was on his way.”

“Wait, so your thoughts in the memories are from when the memories took place? You don’t have your present-day thoughts when you go back there? Am I making _any_ sense?”

Lily paused, thinking over Peter's question. “I- that’s a great question. I guess I know I’m being transported into the flashback, I can feel myself drifting off into the memory… But then once I’m there, I’m sort of submerged. I’m thinking and feeling as though I’m in it, but sometimes I know what’s going to happen later on.”

“That seems important,” said Peter, but that was the extent of his thinking. They had finally made it back to the Common Room, where Sirius and Remus were waiting for them. 

Once in the boys’ room, Sirius went straight to the blackboard to prepare for another “session of memory recovery,” as he called it. Lily found her way back to the comfy armchair, while Remus and Peter quickly took their seats. Without James leading the action, for a moment they simply looked around the room at each other, waiting for someone to take charge.

Finally, Sirius spoke up. “So, Evans, there’s a specific memory I’d like to try and unlock today.” A scheming gleam flashed across his eyes, turning Lily’s stomach into knots. She didn’t like his determined look and clearly Remus didn’t either.

“Padfoot, do you think this is a good idea?” said Remus. “I don’t think James would like it…”

“I don’t care what Prongs wants,” said Sirius, “I’m thinking of Lily right now.”

She turned from Remus back to Sirius, her brows shooting up her forehead. What could make Sirius side with her over the boy who was practically his brother?

“I think it’s better if Lily revisited this memory without Prongs,” Sirius continued. “He could… complicate it.”

Peter looked just as confused as Lily felt. “Should I be worried about something?” she asked, feeling her heart rate pick up slightly.

“No, of course not!” said Sirius, but his mischievous grin said otherwise. “You’ll understand once you’ve seen what we’re talking about.” He made his way over to his bed to rummage through his trunk, as he had the night before, but this time he pulled out a small poster. “Does a _Hot Chocolate Social_ ring any bells for you?”

Immediately, Lily felt the fog fall over her eyes at his words. The tingling in her fingers was the only reminder that she existed in her own body. She could still see the stone walls and four-poster beds in the boy’s dorm, but it felt like she existed outside of the room. Sirius approached her and handed her the paper flyer. She knew before she even looked at it, that she was a goner.

The blue poster had a hand-drawn mug on it with little cartoon snowflakes stamped around the edges. Before she slipped away from her surroundings, Lily read the print, _Hot Chocolate Social at seven-thirty tonight in the dining hall. Come to socialize with other quests and enjoy hot beverages!_

When she looked up again, she found herself in the hotel’s dining hall with giant windows overlooking the mountain range. Blue streamers and twinkling lights hung from the ceiling and a few dozen hotel guests mingled amongst each other, making small talk and sipping on drinks. 

Jill and Bess were by Lily’s side after picking up beverages and snacks from the buffet when a slightly older boy with sandy hair approached from behind them. Something about the boy instantly made Lily uncomfortable, despite him looking kind enough.

“Hi, I’m Jim.” he said, “I saw you come in and, well, I thought you were really pretty. I was wondering if-”

“Back off, buddy,” said James, swooping in out of nowhere and casually throwing an arm around Lily’s shoulders. 

“I’m sorry- I didn’t know you had-” the French boy stammered before eventually backing away and heading towards his own group of friends. Lily felt both a pang of annoyance towards James and a hint of gratitude, but the annoyance ruled out as Lily wriggled out from under his arm. 

“Well now that that’s solved,” laughed James, ruffling his hair for good measure as Lily lost her last nerve. 

“Potter! You had no business doing that,” she said, her brows furiously knit together. “You’re an obnoxious, immature, annoying…” She continued her scolding, running through the usual list of reasons why he infuriated her back in school. Bess and Jill eventually slunk off to leave them alone and even James looked a tad guilty as he attempted to back away from her.

“Don’t you go anywhere, Potter,” Lily continued and he snapped his attention back to her as she moved forward, making up the distance that he had tried putting between them. “Were you even thinking about my feelings? How about Jim’s? All you care about is yourself. I’ve actually been enjoying spending time with you these last couple of days, which seems insane-”

James’ eyes sparked, registering what she’d just said. She continued speaking, but it felt like their world had started moving in slow motion. James’ expression changed from concerned to hopeful as a bout of teenaged courage lit his face up and drove him forward. Halfway through Lily calling him a “jerk-face,” he leaned in and cut off her words with a kiss. 

As James’ lips landed on hers, Lily became distinctly aware that she could not feel her memories. She couldn’t feel his skin or warmth against her cheeks, couldn’t taste his mouth or smell that earthy sweet smell she now knew was his. There was still a jolt in her chest like a bolt of lightning had crashed through her ribcage and set her heart on fire. Her mind still raced at impossible speeds as she tried to make sense of what was happening in front of her, what _had_ happened to her all those months ago. 

The kiss was short, almost more of a peck, and when James stepped back, his cheeks were rosy and he looked breathless, much like how Lily felt. “Jerk-face?” he asked with a laugh, ruffling his hair as he spoke. “Come on, Evans, you can do better than that.”

Instinctively, she brought her fingers to her lips to touch where James had been just seconds before, and for the first time, Lily brought herself out of her own memory. 

At the feeling of her own hand on her mouth, she found herself back in the boys’ room, her vision glassy with shock and face flushed with confusing emotion. Three sets of eyes stared at her, waiting for a response. She had never been more thankful for the fourth set to be absent. 

“I’m so angry at him,” she said, at last. Her emotions boiled through her body so violently, it had to be anger, right?

Sirius stared back, refusing to give any information away.

“He kissed me,” she breathed, another rush of feelings pouring over her face and pooling in her chest. “He kissed me while I called him a _jerk-face._ ”

Sirius’ expression finally cracked as the corners of his mouth twitched upwards. “That bloody fool,” he laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“It’s not funny!” Lily refuted, “I was so angry with him- I’m angry with him right now!” Sirius couldn’t hide his smirk as he watched her ball her hands into fists. “He’s such an arrogant, bloody infuriating, self-absorbed…” But even as she spoke, images of James jogging over to Olivia to cast the Feather-lite Charm on her bag nagged at her. Those little drawings in the books he’d given her tugged at her heartstrings and stopped her words in their tracks. The James Potter who had jumped to protect her during the Quidditch party in Gryffindor Tower was a completely different person from the boy who kissed her at the Hot Chocolate Social. 

What had happened over the course of the ski trip to get them to where they were today?

She had a million questions she wasn’t sure if she actually wanted to ask, but before she got the chance, a humming sound came from the doorway. When she turned around to meet the strange noise, Lily saw the boys’ wooden door glowing like a burning piece of coal.

“Someone’s coming!” announced Peter.

“It’s a bit of an alarm system we put in place,” explained Remus with a grimace.

“Is it James?” asked Lily, a panic setting in as she thought of seeing Potter so soon after witnessing that memory.

“No,” chimed in Sirius, consulting the curious bit of parchment Lily had seen a number of times before, “it’s John Croucher, let him in.”

Remus hurried to the door and swung it open before John even had the chance to knock. 

The boy looked knackered, breathing heavily and wearing his Quidditch practice robes. “James sent me,” John wheezed in between breaths. “We found a body in the snow. A second year Ravenclaw… unconscious.” Lily and the rest of the Marauders jumped into action, grabbing their wands and throwing on their robes. “Elizabeth ran to find Dumbledore and a few others went looking for Jeremy Paisley, y’know the Head Boy, and the other Ravenclaw Prefects.” 

“John,” said Lily quickly as they left the room and started down the stairs, “how much further can you run right now?”

“Pretty far, I’d say.”

“Go find Professor Prewett and tell him what’s happened.”

John nodded and took off running as soon as they made their way out through the Portrait Hole, leaving Lily, Remus, Sirius, and Peter to exchange a tense glance between each other before sprinting off in the opposite direction, down the stairs and out of the castle.

The bright sunlight reflected angrily off the layer of snow cover on the earth, blinding Lily for a moment before her eyes adjusted. She searched frantically, and soon spotted two people huddled near an unmoving mass on the ground. Her heart sank with a drowning fear. She ran despite the sharp pain in her lungs as she breathed in the stabbing winter air. Her pulse quickened as she saw James’ wild hair whipping around in the wind as he held the limp boy’s body in his arms. 

Fear had taken over James’ face and he desperately slashed his wand through the air, firing off healing incantations, revival charms, and a number of non-verbal spells that had little effect on the boy. Dorcas Meadows knelt next to James, one hand holding the Ravenclaw boy’s hand and the other producing a steady heating charm around his tiny body.

Remus jumped into action, casting a slew of advanced healing charms Lily barely recognized as James began cursing loudly. He held the boy tighter as he continued firing off spell after spell, but Lily could see his hands shaking. Without needing to think, she crossed over to James and crouched down, laying a hand on his shoulder and helping him with the weight of the second year Ravenclaw. Their eyes met in a desperate moment of fear, but her grasp on his arm had successfully steadied his hand and the small gesture made him look as though he might cry. 

Sirius, who had been pacing back and forth in a frantic manner, suddenly dropped to his knees and reached out to grab the boy’s ankle under his sock. He stilled.

“James,” he said sharply, “he’s buzzing.”

James’ eyes widened as he locked eyes with Sirius. “The Cruciatus Curse,” he breathed. “He’s been hit with Crucio.” 

Sirius nodded, a shared understanding passing between them. “What did your parents do for me? How’d they bring me back?”

Lily glanced between the boys, a heaviness dropping her heart into her stomach at the realization of the extent of Sirius’ homelife trauma. But James and Sirius were both smiling at their breakthrough. 

“Patronuses,” said James. “Hurry, cast a Patronus- everyone!”

Sirius jumped back to his feet. _“Expecto Patronum!”_ he shouted, a shining white light bursting from his wand to reveal a large dog, the same as his Animagus form. The dog stepped towards the boy and paced around him before curling up by his side. 

James was next, casting an impressive stag that bowed its majestic head to nudge the boy’s hair. Peter managed a wispy rat, which joined James’ deer by the boy’s neck, and Remus cast a Patronus that stayed as a large, indiscernible mass.

“Moony,” said James, a stern, but gentle tone to his voice, “it has to be corporeal to work.”

Remus nodded, took a step back, and recast his Patronus, this time producing a beautiful wolf. The wolf made another pace around the boy and found its way to the dog, who greeted him with a tender nudge of his head before making room for the wolf to lay with him against the boy, who suddenly stirred under the glowing light of the Patronuses. 

“It’s working!” said James, relief spilling out of him like a waterfall. 

Dorcas broke her heating charm as she cast her own brilliant lioness, who joined the other bright animals around the boy, generating a raspy gasp from the boy as he stirred more in James’ and Lily’s arms.

James looked to Lily and nodded towards her, but she faltered.

“Have you cast a Patronus before?” he asked, no judgment behind his eyes.

“I have, but not corporeal,” she responded quietly. “My memories have been so… I’ve been so lost. How will I find a happy memory if so many of them are missing?”

James found her hand and held it tightly. “It doesn’t have to be solid, it just needs to be real. All you need is the feeling, and I can promise you, Lily, you’ve been happy before.”

She let the calming heat of his fingers interlocked in hers ground her as she raised her wand. She met his gaze with a determined ferocity and spoke clearly, _“Expecto Patronum.”_

A silvery vapor poured from her wand as she focused on every happy moment she could think of. Childhood sleepovers at Cassie’s house, Christmas mornings with Mum and Dad, receiving her first letter from Hogwarts, and lazy days spent with Mary and Marlene in the greenhouses. She felt James squeeze her hand and she turned to him, meeting his eyes and supportive smile. That painful, familiar hollowness crept through her chest as she looked back at him, but his smile only grew wider as he watched her hazy Patronus start to take form. 

As the hollow feeling grew stronger, her Patronus became clearer, and soon a beautiful, silvery doe stepped through the fog and joined the Stag at the boy’s head. She gasped at its form, turning back to James with a fresh flush on her cheeks. He met her with something blazing behind his eyes that felt so new, but remarkably recognizable. She could have stared at him for an eternity, trying to figure out where this look had come from, but her concentration broke as the Ravenclaw boy let out a shout.

“He’s awake!” barked Sirius as the boy let out another cry.

“Hey, hey, buddy,” said James, cradling the boy in his arm, his hand still holding Lily’s behind the boy’s back. “You’re okay, you’re going to be okay. Can you tell us your name?”

The boy looked around frantically, but he calmed slightly as the pack of Patronuses stared back at him steadily. “Andrew,” he said quietly, as though speaking any louder may hurt too much.

“Andrew, you’re doing great,” said James, motioning for Dorcas to restart her heating charm. “Can you tell us what happened to you? Who hurt you?”

Andrew’s eyes were blank at the question. “I- I can’t remember.”

“That’s okay,” said James, glancing at Sirius with a questioning look that Sirius returned with a confused shake of his head. “That’s okay, what’s the last thing you can remember?”

“Breakfast?” Andrew asked, as though he wasn’t sure of the answer himself.

Lily’s heart jumped into her throat. “He’s been Obliviated,” she whispered to James, but he didn’t let his expression break in front of the boy.

“What’s happened here?” came a voice from across the grounds. Jeremy Paisley was striding towards them, his black and blue robes billowing in the wind, his Head Boy badge flashing in the sunlight. He was followed by Professor Dumbledore, Professor Prewett, Elizabeth, John, and a few more members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, all with various degrees of worry in their eyes.

“He was found in the snow,” said Remus, walking over to meet Jeremy. “We just managed to wake him up. We think he’s been his with the Cruciatus Curse.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened and Professor Dumbledore moved quickly to kneel next to the boy, whose face started contorting in an attempt to stop tears from pouring down his cheeks. 

“It’s okay, Andrew,” said Dumbledore calmly. “We’re going to bring you to the Hospital Wing. You’re safe now.”

“I can take him there, Professor,” said Jeremy, stepping forward to help Andrew to his feet. But as he came closer, Lily watched Andrew’s face become still and eyes gloss over in an unnatural way. She tightened her grip around James’ hand and turned desperately to Dumbledore, meeting his clear, blue eyes. They shared a brief moment of wordless understanding.

“That won't be necessary, Mr. Paisley,” said Dumbledore swiftly, “Professor Prewett will take him. I’d like you to go and find Professor McGonagall for me, instead.” Jeremy nodded curtly before spinning on his heel and making his way back to the castle.

The tension in Lily’s shoulders lessened slightly as Gideon Prewett stepped forward instead, and the emotion made its way back to Andrew’s face. 

“Gideon, if you would, I’d like a minute to speak with Andrew alone before you take him to Poppy’s,” said Dumbledore, sharing his sentiment with the rest of the group surrounding Andrew.

Lily, James, Dorcas, Remus, Sirius, and Peter nodded in understanding and let Dumbledore have some privacy with Andrew, who had managed to sit up on his own once James and Lily left his side. The group of Patronuses followed the students, who seemed to fear going forward without their animals in tow. 

The adrenaline-fueled energy finally left James’ face, replaced by a deep exhaustion, but the hold he had on Lily’s hand didn’t let up. She watched as his eyes flickered around his friends and landed on Gideon Prewett, who was admiring his students’ Patronuses like a proud father. When he saw James, he let out a breathy laugh filled with relief. 

James moved forward, pulling Lily behind him, as he rushed into Gideon’s arms like a young boy looking for his babysitter. Gideon welcomed him with a tight embrace, ruffling his hair and beaming down at him. “You did a great job, James,” he said softly. “Andrew’s going to be okay.”

Gideon Prewett’s words rang through Lily’s ears long after Andrew had been safely transported to the Hospital Wing. Andrew was going to be okay. Physically, he would recover. But Lily couldn’t help but shudder at the glossy look that covered his eyes when he saw Jeremy Paisley approaching. That foggy daze, so familiar, she could have been looking at herself in a mirror. Andrew had been Obliviated, just like she had, just like her Muggle friends back home. Would he be okay? Would any of them be okay? Would they ever be able to recover those stolen memories?

As she sat with the other sixth years around the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, listening to Remus and Sirius explain the events of the afternoon to Mary and Marlene, she found herself mindlessly flipping through the book on Memory Charms she had been reading earlier in the day. 

James’ tiny drawing of the padlock and key caught her eye as she thumbed through the pages, and she was drawn to the writing above the images. As she read and re-read his simple annotation, her heart soared with a small, but meaningful glimmer of hope.

**_Not stolen, just repressed._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> A lot happened in this one! Whoo! 
> 
> Anyway, feel free to come say hi on tumblr @the-dream-team and I'll see you all again next week :)


End file.
